How To Deal With A Cheating Spouse

How To Deal With A Cheating Spouse – When It’s Your Wife!

Almost every day I get guys writing in to me, asking me how to deal with a cheating spouse – specifically, their cheating wife.

When our spouse cheats, it creates one of the most difficult emotional experiences we will even face… in our ENTIRE lives.

I know that pain of betrayal. I’ve been there personally.

So if your spouse cheated and your emotions are overwhelming, but you still love your wife and you want to save your marriage if you can, then you’re in the right place.

My name is Kevin Jackson and I help guys like you every day.

Here’s what one guy recently wrote to me:


Hi Kevin,

I am really just a dam diaster right now, my entire world has just crumbled with in the last 2 weeks after 20 years, my intuitions un-fortunately were totally correct and I’m
trying to find the stregenth to stay cool, calm and collected (Boy is that a mouthful). I am just in total shock and complete dispair that she could do this to me.

I look forward to reading your book, I hope it can help me.

I really have no close friends to talk to, or would I ever want any of them to look at my wife that way, maybe a shrink I don’t know right now my thoughts are just a scatered flippin mess. I am definately a super pleaser to my own discust, but the guilt finally got her to come clean, it’s got to be tough to look at someone straight in the face knowing the bullshit you have been doing behind my back.


Thanks for your response,


Hey Cliff,

Couple of things…

First off, nice job trying to keep your cool and not do something you’ll later regret… but it’s also super important to give yourself permission to GRIEVE.

As I say in my book, there’s nothing shameful about getting a good cry in.

I remember when I was going through my dark times, one day I walked into my therapist’s office, sat on the couch, and just started sobbing.

It was actually a good thing.

A bad thing is stuffing down your emotions. That can drive you INSANE. Instead, when the time is right, let your feeling flow.

(Women are obviously better than this than men – they’re naturals. Experts suggest this is one reason why women have less stress related heart disease than men – it’s because women relieve their stress through their tears.)

Next, you’re doing a great job learning more about yourself through this process. You’ve already learned that you have a pattern of “Pleasing.” I talk a lot about this in my eBook.

But watch out for judging yourself so harshly that you “disgust” yourself. Millions of married guys have a history of Pleasing too much – myself included. You’re in good company… lol… so don’t get too down on yourself.

You also said it must be hard for her to look you in the face after doing what she did. This is called having “empathy” for your wife, and it’s a big step in the right direction, so good job.

When a man who has been betrayed by his wife can see things from her perspective and even have compassion for what SHE is going through, it helps her be less defensive… which in turn helps us get to the bottom of things, get compassion and remorse from her, etc. In other words…


Just make sure you balance your empathy for your wife with empathy for YOURSELF… and make sure she’s giving you empathy as well. Her infidelity sure as hell shouldn’t be all about HER feelings and how bad she feels now.

Don’t let her twist things around on you. Many women try.

Good luck.

Kevin Jackson

If YOU are reading this article right now and your wife cheated, but you still love her and you want to save your marriage if you can… but you’re having a hard time with it
(like most guys), then the most important thing you can do right now is to get a free copy of my special report, “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Wives Cheat.”

Most men make mistakes that make things even WORSE, push their wife further away, and make saving their marriage even harder. Get my free report right now so you avoid these mistakes and get on the path of saving your marriage and getting your sanity back.

Just click the button below to claim your copy now:

Talk soon,
Kevin Jackson
Author of “Survive Her Affair”

“Wow I wish I had found this site in October. My wife of 17 yrs had a summer long affair with an old high school friend she found on Facebook. I have never been a jealous or snooping kind of guy but I had a feeling. So… I went back through here Yahoo archives and found out everything. It’s been 3 months since I’ve confronted her and I’m still in the “pissed off” stage. My kids are the only reason I’m even trying… to work this out. Thank you for your 7 steps.” – Michael

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74 Responses to How To Deal With A Cheating Spouse

  1. mark says:

    After my wife cheated we seperated for a year, got back together and 2yrs later had a child and after 6yrs of being together I still get nightmares. I hatr how I feel and wish to get better

  2. Wes says:

    My wife of 7 years just told me she had a one-night stand with one of her best friend’s husband. They work together and she said that he showed interest in her, which led to her mistake. She says she immediately regretted it, and claims it was a one-time mistake. I want to believe her, and she came clean to me. I didn’t suspect it, although maybe I should have. We have 2 small children together, so for their sake especially I want to try to work this out. Not sure where to begin. She says she is willing to do whatever it takes to make it through this, and I feel like she is telling me the truth. Just typing this out seems to help some, get it off my chest. Don’t want to talk to friends about it, don’t want them to look at her in that light. Just frustrated and not sure what to do? Confused and hurt. Thanks for the forum.

    • Jerry Reese says:

      I’m with you brother, typing this out really helps and at one point we men are going to have to man up and accept it. Its tough but you have to ask yourself is she worth it. and if your answer is yes then you just answered yourself and do it.

  3. Liz says:

    I recently had a fling with a man that works in the same building as I do. I enjoyed the intimacy and gentle way he made love to me. He spoke to me, expressed his longing and feelings while we were bedding. He wanted to know how I felt while we were making love and he shared what he was feeling and was very affectionate. It was a complete change from the normal kiss to sex without a single word or caress. I am reading up on this forum to see how he may react when I tell him. I have to be honest about why I did it – Not sexually or emotionally satisfied. Telling could open him up to explore more with me or he could leave me. We don’t have children but we have been married for 10.

    • CN says:

      Actually, you may be assuming after your disclosure that he will be leaving, but it may be you instead. Be forewarned.

    • Dear John says:

      Dear Liz,
      Please think long and hard before you talk to your husband about your
      infidelity. It won’t be like the women’s magazines advice column fantasy, where you have a tearful, heartfelt reconciliation, followed by an improvement in his bedside manner. The most likely outcome is that he will go ballistic, have an emotional meltdown, and do something rash. If he’s an alpha male, he’ll want to kill your boyfriend (and maybe you, too), and if he’s a beta male he will want to kill himself. Your love life and marriage will go from bad to catastrophic. You will end up estranged and eventually divorced, and not amicably either.

      Why do you feel the need to inflict this emotional pain on your man? The last thing in the world that any man wants to hear is that he wife had sex with another man. You’re the one that committed the indiscretion so you should bear the responsibility for making an authentic resolution of your dilemma. Confess to a therapist or a pastor. Do not talk with your friends or family. You may decide that you need to move on. Keep the lid on this shameful episode, and do not spread it around to where he will eventually have to confronted with it by a friend or relative. Take it from a guy: do not tell him about the affair. You will bring untold suffering on him and you will not get the “improvements” you fancy.

      The ball is in your court. You need to decide whether you still want to be married and if so, then set out to get what you want from your husband. Illicit sex does not leave any visible red marks on your body, so there is no need to tell your husband, unless you have been indiscrete and told other people in your circle who might get back to him. Then you’ll have to beat them to the punch, and make your confession. That’s a burden that you’ll have bear in private. Otherwise, leave it alone!

      Many a man throughout the ages has sat up late by the fire and wondered how they got a red-headed child, but no one ever said a word, and life went on. There is no magic in cutting a man’s balls off with an cruel, selfish and unnecessary confession that will only destroy his self-confidence, and forever lose his trust. Yeah, and stop reading that crap in Cosmo. That’s not how the real world works.

      • Ramesh says:

        Actually Liz is a representative of a commom cheater women. They are not satisfied with what they have done unless & untill they flaunt it. They make video of it, they click pictures of the acts, they leave many trails & ensure that everything reach there where it hurts the most. Whatever they say but it is the pain, it is devastation of the person what they enjoy… It gives them the ultimate satisfaction.

  4. Ryan Estes says:

    Im not sure how far my wife went with another man. She says it was just talkin but part of me doesnt believe that. We have been married goin on 13 years and have 5 kids. I still love my wife and weve talked and are tryin to work things out. Ive never cheated dont joke bout it or even look at another woman and think bout it. I look but dont touch which is what anyone would do male or female. But anyways im havin a problem gettin over that lil portion that I dont believe that it was just talkin. Ive done a lot of things in the past as far as an unfit husband, father,& provider. I think thats what has pushed her to someone else but she was still wrong. I just not sure how to push past this.weve talked about gettin help but cant afford that and I really dont have anyone I can or would want to go to.

    • anthony says:

      I’m also not sure how far my wife went with this other guy. ..we all work together..and this a guy she has had some history with. ..I caught her heading in the direction of his office that’s located in a secluded part of the basement…she initialy
      lied..then she admitted to going to pick up something.but I’m having a hard time believing her …what should I do..

  5. Fili Raceva says:

    My wife recently returned from a 6 week holiday and confessed that she had a 1 night stand after being drinking with another man. She did not know anything about him and the worse thing is she finally told me after the 3rd night. I am angry and scared because i feel she might have caught a STI. We have decided to get tested and will fully forgive her only if the tests come back clean. We have 3 kids and have been married for 7 years. I have found this site useful as i have no one else to talk to about it. Thank you.

  6. Brunon says:

    I just found on fb that my wife will meet with some guy in couple days and they will have sex. I love my wife and I want prevent this from happening. I don’t know how to do it tho. The easiest way would be to confront them but I wonder if anybody knows of another way. I’m devasted.

    • Houston says:

      I think you should confront her about this issue. Also, you both should go to counseling to learn to express your emotions appropriately but get the issue of the problem in your marriage. The emotional and likely physical cheating is a byproduct of this marital problem.

      Remember, you cannot control her but only you can control what you.

      If she fails to stop the cheating and fails to go yo counseling, I recommend that you do individual counseling and start the divorce proceedings.

      At some point, you have to take a stand against something that is wrong.

      Stay strong, pray to God and speak to a good friend or family member to help you cope!

      With regards,

      Divorced man of 3 years

  7. Steve K says:

    Sorry folks, but I have little encouragement to give. I just found out that my lady of 9 years went out on me with a total loser. Now be forewarned, there is still another side to the coin and I haven’t seen it on any website. I keep reading all the reasons that women go out with another man and they are valid. But here’s yet another reason,pity! Yes good old fashioned pity! She told me he laid a convincing sob story on her and over a few weeks time she wanted to “help” him. Can you believe that bullshit? So it came down to “I’m having a rough time and a shot of ass will cure me!”Some of the guys know exactly what I’m talking about don’t you? My cure? She’s out! Done! I’m taking back my life and sanity. Because I know it’s just a matter of time before she finds another pitiful loser and the games begin yet again. Am I bitter? You better believe it. Am I hurt? Damn right!

    • Jeff says:

      Amen Steve K. I just found out this week that my wife has been having an affair with her boss. Of course I had to pull teeth to get the truth. House, kids… everything down the drain. She was with this loser before and after our recent 6 year anniversary and this all came out the day before my sons birthday. She did not even have the common decency to where protection. We will separate and my intention is to not stay together. I feel your pain and I am relieved to here someone not stand for this crap with counseling. Who wants to live in fear that it will happen again.

  8. lhadro says:

    I have recently found out that my wife of 15 years has met online her first love. They started chatting from facebook, wechat app. Starting with some formal conversation, they went deep in their relationship to the extent that they exchanged some intimate images in messages. I also found out that every time in my absence from home or when she goes out, they start messaging and continuing their close relationship behind my back. One day, I caught red-handed a message from the man and she read it and deleted in front of me despite being requested to allow me to see the message. My doubt spilled then and confronted her and demanded explanation. She confessed and cried that she will not repeat and sworn and promised that we will have a normal happy life. Hours later, I had to go and again I found out that she is cheating again with private messaging. I later told her that this is not working and I am going to go away. We have four kids. Her mind and soul is somewhere else. But she threatened me of committing suicide if I leave her and even feigned unconsciousness after I caught everything red handed. I love her so much, but now its difficult to trust her. What shall I do. I don’t want to leave her and she also wants to continue with me and stop everything that she is doing behind my back. Please advice. I am no longer confident with our relationship.

  9. matthew wesselink says:

    I want to save my marriage. my wife betrayed me and cheated on me while I was deployed and she knew during that time I was already having horrible problems in the deployment. we both want to work it out. I hope we can be saved.

  10. Help Him says:

    My wife of 11 1/2 months recently cheated on me with a friend from who knows how long. I recently found a picture of her private area in her phone. I confronted her about it and she told me the guys name. She apologized for it and for the last month I have been loosing my mind. How can I get over this situation after all we do have a newborn daughter so I normally want to fix this situation please help!

    • pramod says:

      hi friends, i facing same situation i am from india, i also have to dauughters
      i loose my confindence my head is compleltely hang

  11. Joseph says:

    I recently noticed my wife is cheating on me.. i am not my self trying all my best to get over it, but this is really affecting my emotions and work …Pls what can i do ?

  12. Mr wright says:

    On New Year’s Eve I discovered a text on my wife of five years phone that she had been cheating on my for months with a friend of mine, when I confronted her she lied about any intimacy with him, when I confronted him he was very upfront about the multiple times she took a taxi over to his place. After I got thru punishing my self and trying to please her I don’t know if I can trust her she said that due sees the torment she put me thru and wants to be by my side and support me. I don’t know if I can trust her , and I think I might just be scared to be alone after so long she has always been my best friend and confident. I am lost and my anxiety keeps me up most night I’m barely functional and my employer (brother) is starting to notice my last of confidence and enthusiasm, she said that she might just want more or different partners as a younger couple but I see red when she says that I’m a very monogamous person and have always pictured myself with 1 wife and kids but now I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything’s falling apart. To make it worse the guy is telling all of our friends about what happened an I might just have to kill him…

  13. A says:

    Just getting to start the process am searching for that free book. The affair is now hot and on going I have all evidence but she has denied.

  14. Drew Jeffers says:

    Looking forward to reading this for the help.

  15. Robert Johnson says:

    My wife and I have been married for 2 years we have been dealing with sexual related issues along the lines of physical pain during sex I am the only man she has ever felt this with. She admitted to me that she cheated on me while I was in the field ( I’m in the marine corps) her reasoning was she wanted to know if it was just with me she felt this way. I’m so lost I’m angry sad hurt betrayed I don’t know what to feel. I can’t imagine my life without her. But I can’t even close my eyes with out picturing it

  16. j says:

    my wife of 10 years cheated on me, I suspected as much for years. When I finally used her phone an texted her lover and found out the truth I died inside. This has completely ruined my life I don’t look at her the same it is always in my mind and I think about it every day even now two years later, but I go on like life is perfect because I love her and our kids. I hope that one day I will be able to let it go but I see no end in site. She says it was only one time but I don’t believe it was one time and has happened multiple times. All im saying is this is something that will eat at you for the rest of your life and will never go away so get used to it

  17. RJAY says:

    My wife cheated on me. I just found out some incriminating text messages which lead me to suspect that something was going on with her and her officemate. At first she flatly denied all the texts but I persisted. I investigated and succeeded in getting the info I want. I confronted the male culprit (after some threats and what have yous) and he admitted to me that he had intimate relationship with my wife. I felt that my world just crumbled, I cannot think, I cannot move. I dont know what to do. I just cant take this anymore. My wife is asking forgiveness for the sake of our kids. But im still hurt. She’s begging me to forgive her and to forget what had happened. I just dont know how I could trust her again. But I love her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life.

  18. paulo says:

    My wife fell attracted with a guy at work and they been meeting. I think there was no sex between them but she loves the guy. When I found out I was devastated and after 3 weeks I’m still a mess. We talked about it and she wants it’s to be happy. Either with me or the other guy but she feels so confused and can’t make up her decision. We talked and decided to try to work things out specialy because of the kids but also I need to make her feel more loved.

  19. Jose says:

    We’ll this past Friday my wife of 4 years finally told me that she had been having a rerelationship with this other guy. I suspected as much since she was ganna most parts of the day, she wwouldn’t let me near her phone and what acting really shady around me. I am going crazy here, I close my eyes and all I can see is that image in my head of her been with someone else. I love her so much. I want to be with her. I told her that I want to just forget this ever happen and let’s just go back to how this were before this. But she says that right now she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me. That if she loved me she would have done that. I don’t know what to do. I want to work things out I feel like it’s this is my fault this happen.

    • Jww says:

      It’s not your fault. It’s happened to me twice now in marriages and I’m not 35 yet! It’s not your fault! We took vows, she broke them not you. I want you to know that, I have cried both times and asked what did I do, what’s wrong with me. I became a Christian through it all and don’t want to preach to you, but it helped me see it’s not my fault this happened. It’s hard to see guys who abuse and cheat, but have faithfully wives and mine cheated, but I can only hope and pray it makes me a stronger man and Christian. But know it’s not your fault and I will be praying for you and all of us men who have to face this hard time. And for those no believers I hope not to offend you.

  20. pramod says:

    Dear sir
    i am facing my wife repeated cheating problem, kindly help

    • Ken says:


      You have to stand up for yourself and demand that the cheating stops completely. No contact what so ever with the cheater. If she is un able to or refuses to, then you must move on. Pursue a divorce.

  21. Kevin Visser says:

    After nearly 23 years of being together with my wife, I recently found out that she was cheating on me with her ex boyfriend from highschool. He himself is going through a divorce and sought out my wife to rekindle what they had 25 years ago. Father’s Day morning I riled over to hug and kiss my wife, she told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted a divorce! She said she wasn’t happy and not in love.. This completely killed me. So for the past couple months I have been doing everything I could to change our relationship and fix our marriage. We went to marriage counseling and she was so dead set on not working it out. I asked if she was seeing anyone and in particular, her ex and she denied it. She has been going away every other weekend to “her girlfriends house” to just get away and take a break. In reality she was meeting him at a beach house. She lied to my face. She lied to our boys faces. She chose to be with this guy instead of her family! That sad thing is my younger son and his daughter are in the same grade and the same school. He actually lives 2 min from my house. I am completely shocked and disgusted with her. Months, I’ve been begging and pleading to work it out and this whole time she was with him. She could have been honest from the beginning and told me. She would have saved me so much pain and suffering and she chose not to. I found out about it by checking her FB account messages tues night while she went running with her girlfriend / neighbor. I am still Madly in love with her but I can never forgive her for this disgusting act of betrayal! Especially bc it was with him. The one person in the world she knew I despised! This is the absolute worst thing she could have done to me. She says we were getting a divorce before she hooked up with him but that’s a lie. We didn’t even talk about divorce. Even if we did, we are still married. So cheating is cheating. If you wouldn’t do it while I was standing there, it is cheating! I will never forgive her for this, never. She has to live with the fact that she lied to her sons and husband to go have sex! Funny thing is her ex used to cheat on her and mentally abuse her. That’s who she decides to go back with? I talked to his soon to be wife. She told me that’s the reason they were getting divorced, he was cheating and mentally abusing her! I love her and I miss her but I can never forgive her!! Never!

  22. Lawrence says:

    I’ve been married to my wife for almost 30 years and have raised 4 children together, however, in the past 10 years due to health issues on my part the intimacy became both infrequent and less satisfying to both of us. The doctors would just say that it was just one of those things that couldn’t be remedied in my case. The love was and is still there, but at some point, she decided she needed physical closeness. After she talked to her therapist, they, her therapist and her, decided it would be better for her to find her ‘satisfaction’ elsewhere. I was not consulted, informed, or even considered in this solution as according to the therapist I was ‘irrelevant’ in her emotional health. She’s had numerous affairs since then, sometimes staying away for up to months at a time. She knows that it hurts me emotionally but when I voice my disapproval she says it’s ‘just sex and besides I’ve basically got a prescription from my doctor to do this.’. I won’t give her a divorce and I’m considering taking action against the therapist. I warn those wanting marriage counseling to seek out ‘result centered’ counselors who strive to repair relationships instead of the overwhelming number of ‘outcome neutral’ therapists who have no goal as to outcome and generally advise the partners to do whatever they feel like doing and if the other spouse doesn’t like it too bad.

  23. Greg says:

    I recently caught my wife of 26yrs with another man, she firstly denied but later admitted on having an affair with his co-worker for the past 8months and had sex with him. We have 2 kids who I love dearly, so I forgave her for the sake of keeping my family, but deep down in me I know I am devastated, I can’t erase the images of her in bed with another man, and every time I look at her I feel resentment and I’ve tried to inflict pain to this guy and she stopped me
    Funny thing is I want this guy to feel the worst pain ever and I promised myself I will not rest until I got even and maybe I will feel better

    • Dear John says:


      Don’t go to jail. You won’t feel any better, trust me. Where is your wife in all this? If she is remorseful, she would be helping you to heal. I’ve hear from guys who told their wife that as a proof that they love you more than the other guy, they need to accompany you when you confront him in a place where you won’t have to worry about having the cops called. Bring a section of rubber hose, and corner him with your wife right behind you. Don’t cause any permanent damage, because then you will do time. Slap him around with the three foot section of hose, once you’ve got him in a corner. Talk sh*t as you humiliate him repeatedly, while you wife talks smack about his dick size behind you. When you have dominated him to the point of submission, have your wife spit on him as you both leave together. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself and her after that episode. (Warning: don’t try this on gun freaks. That requires another technique.)
      Dear John

  24. John says:

    I have been married for 13 years have two children and just found out my wife has cheated on me. I am so confused. I have confronted her and she has said the affair is over but don’t know if I can trust her anymore. Just need some advice.

  25. Barry Hinckley says:


  26. Jww says:

    I have been married to my wife for four years. Recently I came home and found a young man we have been helping out recently in my house with no shirt on. Let me preface this I was married before and my first wife cheated on me and eventually left me for this man. So I was a little Leary and confronted her and she stated she was helping him out with something. Later that night I checked her hone while she was sleeping and found my suspicions were right. I was devastated, am devastated still. She insists it was a mistake and they made out twice and that’s it. I am having a hard tie with it all. We still see him sometimes and I want to punch his face off, but at the same time am a Christian and know this is not right and I should forgive all as God has forgiven my sins. I know some of you guys out there may not be Christians or believers, but it’s a struggle not to hate. Further, who do you talk to. I don’t want to talk to someone who has no idea what I am going through. That’s why I got stuck on this sight and am posting my feelings. It is just so hard, I love my wife. She was the first person to get me to put down my guards after my first wife. I just don’t see how she could do this to me and love me after knowing how hurt I was with my first wife. Thank you for listening and pray for me please.

  27. AL says:

    My wife and I (we are both Asians, but she lived, educated and worked in Australia until she was 27 while I was born and live in Asia) met and got together 13 years go. We married in 2009 and were very happy together working and living in HK now … until one day I didn’t know what came to me but I looked at her portable harddisk in the drawer and found a sub-folder inside …. with some very revealing photos and videos of her and two different white guys, with dates on the pics – all the way from 2008 till 2012 ….

    The more I looked at, the more coincidences I found out – she was away back in Australia during some dates, or the birthdays of mine or hers when she was away from town for ‘business trips’.

    I encountered her with desperation but her first reply was “why you looked at my private stuff! This is no respect!”

    We were in cold war for 6 months until recently we are back on track. But the images of those guys and her in those photos still linger in my mind ….. and whenever she’s on ‘trips’ back in Australia, I felt so insecured.

    I am so confused ….. but dare not tell any of my friends ….

  28. Brian Wilson says:

    Yeah, i could really use all the help i can get. I don’t have anyone i can talk to &i i live with my wife &i it is really hard to look at her sometimes

  29. David says:

    My wife cheated on me with her ex and his brother she had a child to one of them her mother made it ok for her to go and cheat on me I was exspected to be the good husband and act like she never did it and wait on her foot when she got back from her cheating holiday her family blamed me for everything when it was their daughters actions since then I still get moments of depression and anger but I am learning to turn into positive energy but still can’t feeling hatred towards her and her family for treating the way they did

  30. Damien Bowman says:

    If feel where a lot of you guus are going thru.My wife of 4 years have cheated on me and it hurts like hell. She decided to cheat on me with someone I know but can you please somebody help me. My heart hurts like hell and trust is a very big issue now. Can I learn to trust her again after this affair she had. I cant stop thinking about the lies and deceit that she put me thru. A women who work twice as hard to cover up her lies. I mean the killer part about the whole situation is that the person who she decided to cheat on me with nows that we are married and together. I tried talking to dude and see if he wanted to be upfront and honest about the situation but no words. My pride, self respect is hurt by all means. I cant
    It feel like I cant trust her again. But should I …????

    • Vinayak says:

      Hi Damien, I had faced & I am facing similar problem like you. My wife cheated on me twise! First was she had a 10 year longgggg affair with a guy. (I have not tried anything to find out the sexual nature of this affair, i dont want to) He was her classmate & they had decided to marry. But that guy left her before that & later married another girl. She tried to persue him but failed. She even had attempted suiside after that. All this happedned before our wedding. She never told me about this.
      After 6 years of married life & a cute kid in our life, I lost my job & I had to leave my country alone for another job in haste. It took me 7.5 months to bring my family with me. When my wife & kid came to stay with me, I noticed some strange behavier from her. Also I could see procative whatsapp messages from unknown persons to her. Then I became a superspy & unearthed everything. It took me 5 months more to figure out everything.
      During the 7.5 months, she got in touch with her ex over phone & as revealed by my wife they were talking for hours almost daily. So this was one cheating. Another cheating was she got some new friends on wechat & soon all of them were on whatsapp, again they were talking for hours As revealed by my wife, they all were just friends for Dirty talking.
      Now I will tell you my situation which is like you. I have many unanswered questions which my wife doent want to answer. She has pleaded guilty for everything & she is not justifying her behavior. Also she as per her she has revealed everything. She did hot have any sexual relationship with her lover of 10 years & was a vergin at the time of our marriage. Also she did not meet any of her dirty talking friends or had done anything sexual. Also my wife was showing the suisidal tendencies again after this episodes & was talking about killing of our son & then taking her own life. So we have agreed mutually that we will not discuss ANYTHING about this & she will not do this again. I accepted this in the best interest of my son.
      So similar to you my pride, self respect is hurt by all means. I cant feel that I should trust her. But only reason I am staying with her is my SON. I have already lost the game. I will not get love from her or any other girlfriend/ wife if I try to have one. Actually I dont want it now. I have accepted that many of my dreams wont come true. I have accepted her apologies & I have accepted everything. I dont want to loose the joy I am getting being a father. I also know that my wife loves our kid ( she is a great mother…) vety much. I am sure that nobody would love him as we together do. I dont want my son to miss love of his parents. I dont want that he should be with a new mother or a new father.
      But I have made it clear to my wife that no such mistakes going forward, I am not going to tolerate even a bit of such thing & would prefer separation.
      So this is why I have trusted her & this is how I have trusted her. There are terms & conditions. I dont want to go in the past… I have many unanswered questons about her past before our marriage & about her recent past. But I have decided to dump it. I have decided that the past should not affect my future, future of my only son…
      So its your call.. You cant thust her.. Its obvious.. But should you? It is you to decide that… Nobody can guide you.

  31. Teodoro Dayego says:

    I really love my wife and I dont want to loose her. pls give some advise.

  32. Richard says:

    For believers, that don’t know what you can do to get back at the other guy for all the pain and suffering you will fill everyday for the rest of your life’s. There’s one thing you should do and that’s to give your pain to God. For he has said pray to me and I will comfort you. Do not take revenge upon the adualter, my friends, leave room for God’s wrath, it is written:”for it is mine to avenge and I will pursue them with fury, for they can not hide, their foot will slip.” Sincerely ask this of him, he feels your pain. He will deliver. Believe me it works. When they slip they will slip hard..

  33. Marty davis says:


  34. Corey says:

    My wife has been sleeping with my best friend for 2years. She didn’t feel loved by me. I knew he was cheating on his wife with 3 or 4 different women; my wife thought she was the only one.

  35. sulaiman says:

    Need help.
    what can i do?
    I still have 4 growing kids…

    • The one says:

      You know it’s over bro. When she decided to do this, she wrote you and the marriage off. The one who is keeping things going is you, not her. She stopped doing that officially when she gave herself to another man. She did not consider the kids or anyone else. You on the other hand, will stop your self from acting for the sake of the kids and the marriage. She ACTUALLY knows this about you, and she feels comfortable in it. She knows that she has no consequences to fear, because you are held back by your “considerateness”. Reclaim your life and live as best as you can for yourself and the kids. You and they deserve it. Do not be held to ransom by the already destroyed marriage. You deserve much better. From a friend who knows.

  36. Kenny Nelson says:

    My wife just came home 3 weeks ago from an Army deployment in Eastern Europe. I felt her distancing herself from me for the last few months. She told me 2 days ago (what I had already thought) that she had been having sex with another soldier. She said it was just about the sex, something she wasn’t getting from me even before she deployed. We had plenty of sex but she said it wasn’t passionate enough for her. The thing that hurts most is my first wife cheated on me and was the cause of our devorce. My current wife knew why I was devorced and that cheating on me would hurt me the most. I still love my wife with all my heart and want to forgive her. I feel that I am the problem. I’m a nice, caring, loving husband. But I feel like being the nice guy is not what woman want. What do I do?

  37. Josh Johnson says:

    Just found out tonight my wife has been cheating on me with her boss. Her phone buzzed late at night when I saw the chat history between the two. The message is seared into my mind “I love you do much”. She claims she still loves me and that she was getting the emotional support she needed from him. We have two kids and just bought a new home. I really have no idea what to do right now.

  38. joe M says:

    I found messages on my wife’s phone, this guy was asking her to send him pics of her in her underwears because he was horny, the guy is someone famous and I respected him, she told me they were just flirting, how do u flirt with a 64 year old and u only 34. She told him why should she send him pics if he can have the real thing. Am so decanted had to be admitted. The old man is married with kids and a big shot. I tried to forgive her but they still cheating in secret.

  39. Hi kev my wife of 13 years has walked out on her family, my 2 kids and myself are taking it really hard,and would like some help on how to get my marriage back on track

    • Michael Collins says:

      Get a divorce, take your children and move to a new location where the three of you can begin life anew and without her. Your children are your #1 priority now, and she should be discarded to the trash heap where she belongs.

  40. Jeff P says:

    June of 2014 I found out my wife was sending nude photos to a guy and his wife. She had even stayed at there house a couple of nights. She swears nothing happened but I did not really believe her. We had been work on recovering from that but I don’t guess that was good enough. This past weekend she went on a girls night out with some of her girlfriends. Well that’s not who she was with. She was with a new guy. I found the messages on the computer talking about where they were going to go and what they would do there. Her phones GPS showed that was the places they went. She says they did not do anything. However I have never heard of a man and women go to a hotel just to talk. I am totally crushed and not sure what to do. I had told her that I thought it would be best if we divorced but she whats to work it out. My concern is for my kids from a previous marriage that I have custody of. Also my wife is still in recovery from prescription drug abuse. My heart is torn about what to do but my brain says to end it now to save myself and my kids from pain later on. She has lied so much because of the drug problem that her own family will not have much to do with her. She has no where to go except to him and that just kills me inside.

  41. Rob says:

    Help! I’m A mess. I love her but she lied for so long what do I do?

  42. james says:

    the only thing i am feeling is anger

  43. Mike says:

    Found out my wife cheated on me when she was pregnant with my youngest daughter. That was 10 years ago and I found out in 2012. I always knew something had happened over time which had lasted apparently until my daughter was born. I still have nightmares and anger issues when the thought of her and another man having sex, especially when she was pregnant with my daughter. I want nothing but the worst for the man she cheated on me with but unfortunately I still feel I can never trust her fully again even though she swears it will never happen again. I hate the pain this has caused me and how I think sometimes it is just water off her back……

  44. joshua says:

    It’s been 2 years now (after i caught her) i must admit that things are getting better with my concsiuos and self respect, i Love Her and she loves me and has been proving it to me ever since. It’s not always The End after an affair, keep your head up and have confidence.

  45. Alex says:

    I have a reason to believe my wife may have cheated. it breaks my heart because we have a daughter. I discovered text messages between her and ex boyfriend and saw that she called him baby and met wit him after christmas. She says she didnt do nothing wrong, and would never break our family but thinking about the text only gives me one conclusion. (k see you soon baby with kissing face). im away with the military and having hard time dealing with this. I be home in 3 months and all I think about is the effect on my child and marriage. What do I do? I can never fully trust her. feel betrayed. Why would a married woman call another man baby and at that her ex?

  46. eric says:

    I found out in Feb that my wife of 20 years met a guy at a show, friended him on Facebook and eventually had a one night stand with him. What pisses me off is the fact that just three months before I took her to Jamaica for our anniversary.

  47. Dorman Keel says:

    Please help by sending the informstion please cause i love my wife with all of my heart and she is my world thank you

  48. chuck says:

    Just found out wife had an affair yesturday. Still trying to process.

  49. cheating wife says:

    Hi I have been carrrying on relationships whith two men for the last 5 years my husband and i have two boys. I am a stage four alcohlic and even two moths of rehab didnt help. \i have been in the psychiatric ward twice in the last month. \i have hurt my children and my husband so badly just wiith my drinking. 22 days ago i broke down and told my husband. since i did i am now 22 days sober and am myself dealing with the shame and guilt and still want to drink the pain away but i wont cuz i dont want to hurt my kids ever again. My husband says its good i told him but he is an alpha male who is out blood weve seperated now and are trying to be amicable but one minute hes happy that im dealing with my demons and still havent picked up the bottle to ease my [ain and he said there is still a chance for us but he has an obsession with hunting these guys down. hes contacted them via phone but one is a cop who wont come to my husbands jujitsu do jo to fight him and the other packed up and skipped town, my husband is obsessed with getting his hands on this guy. we go to counselling on friday but he is suffering so badly and hurt so deeply and i dont know what to do to help him the alpha male in him has completely taken over and hes having trouble sleeping its all he thinks about then he will turn his affection to me and those times i feel like we are moving forward but then wham hes back to yelling and screaming and phoning me wanting all details i think we should spend some time apart so we can each heal. if any one has suggestions of how i can make this easier for him please let me know. i was always drunk morning till night for the last 5 years. i dont want to use that as an excuse but the sober me would never have done something like this. i know hes gonna hurt this guy one way or another for retribution like either telling his wife or his police chief or starting a website about him or fighting him. I on the other hand am beginning to not be able to talk to him about it its giving me high anxiety and panick attacks but my doctor has medicated me for it but im in fear that all this stress may cause me to drink again but i am working so hard not to then i have put the final nail in my coffin because ny kids will ever talk to me again and my husband and i will newver reunite which I desperately want my family back FYI the kids only know about my drinking nothing else . \my husband is a wonderful man and would not want them to see their mother in that light the drinking has caused so much hurt in them already. \please guys give me your thought on how to help him cope but keep in mind hes an alpha male. Thanks for listening

  50. Pasi Mubaiwa says:

    My wife a South African Xhosa woman has been cheating on me for the past 1 year. I suspected when I saw that she did not want me to access her face book and phone. Then eventually she told me that we must take a break. I was devastated. I do not know what to say. She claims that I am not circumcised and as a result our sex is not as nice. I fail to get sleep while sleeping next to her. And I do not feel like eating her food she cooks anymore. I don’t know what to do right now. We have 6 kids between us. If I allow divorce to happen, I will affect the children who are still going to school. I do not know what to do.

  51. Drew says:

    Could use any help you got, just found out yesterday and it hurts!

    • Well...on the other side says:

      It will hurt for a long long time . Forgive your self
      First. I been there… So so sorry for your pain.
      Your fault. Treat her with respect , specially if. You have kids
      Take walks, lessen to good music
      See your self as a individual . Talk to her and if
      She is willing to go all the way forward
      Invest But…….. if you seen that she is lying runnnnnn
      Don be like me ….. Be a dad if you have kids.
      And go be happy.

  52. john broadbent says:

    Im in no mans land . . Do i confront her i know stuff or do i gather more info ?
    Do i drop hints do i ignore or do i do everything i can to make an effort
    shes into this guy n we have a daughter of nearly three
    n i want to see her grow up full time n not be
    mc donalds dad .i love her !

  53. Big Tone says:

    my wife cheated for how long I don’t know. She want to separate, I want to save the relationship. We have a 11 year old son that sense something is wrong and has been sad.

  54. anne maina says:

    Hi all, after reading all ur comments i just want to say this… women cheat for a hundred reasons, which i wont go into….. the only problem is we sometimes dont kip it as tight lipped as u men coz we r not cheaters by nature….. we did/do it coz e.g. our men rnt there enough, dont fuck us enough, retaliation etc etc….. sadly after infidelity even if the guy didnt knw it we feel inclined to let him know… Lol. Men will be men so pliz understand women will be women n do this sometimes. #no judging here.

  55. Dave says:

    looking for help. thx

  56. BleedingMan says:

    I read all comments here. My wife is the worst of them all…We been married for 16 years. She is a stay home mom and I have been supporting her for 13 years. We have two smart and beautiful kids 10 and 12. I like to think I am a good husband but I know I am a great father. Whatever she needs I get it for her. Our sex life is not bad either, we have sex 2-3 times a week. I thought she’s not missing anything. Last month I paid for her boob job. The day the stitches came off she goes sleep with other man-our friend. She told me it was a girl night out. Couple days later when I was trying to payoff her credit card, I notice there was a charges for a hotel stay. I called the hotel and confronted her with the evidences. She first denied, but eventually broke down and only told the whole truth after the guy she cheated with sold her out after they made a pack not to tell the whole truth. Karma is a b*tch! The truth is she has been cheating for 3 years, doing it at the hotels, our house, her parent’s house, her friends garage, and even in the back of a grocery truck, and one time on our vacation while i was napping. We were on double couple vacation with his family too. The whole time I trusted her and this guy. He and his family comes eat and sleep at my house from time to time, we were that closed. I event remodel his house for free while he F my wife every Monday and Friday when I was at work. Now that you know all that….Now she said, my heart was and will always be with you! I will never leave you. I made a huge mistake. I never loved him. It was pure sex. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will not see him ever again and be the good wife and mother of your children like you always wanted. You can go date other women and come back to me once you are satisfied and I will be here waiting for you. So, the question is? is she lying just to get back to me? Should I consider staying with her? I am an alpha male and he will never for get or forgive her. Every touch will remind me of what she did with that guy. What should I do? I really love her but its also not good way to live with a loving bleeding heart.

  57. Odinseye55 says:

    My self the discovery of my wife’s last affair was with an Old boyfriend from 34 years before, I had just come home from rehab after having MRSA caused me to loose feeling in my legs from the top down, When it ate enough of my spine to cause the cord to be crushed.
    She told me she was going out with an old college mate, The next morning she and the other person cut out without the introduction I expected and when she and the other man showed up the next morning I was waiting to trap them. I saw t6he suit she was with and trailed my coat tails after clearing the drive and, following them in. I was using my tall cane , and passed laborously and he did not disappoint me when he said watch this and swept my cane. I went down pretty hard, got rolled over and he was standing there laughing calling me a pathetic looser. I showed him how pathetic I was and how much of a looser by fracturing his scull with my thrown cane the getting myself over where I dropped him and then turned his face into something mangled Myself screaming who’s a pathetic looser now. I was hauled off to a stress center for two weeks for anger management and rage control, Two weeks latter I was determined things were going to be my way in my home. My wife says I was brutal about it, when I ripped every stich off her and refused any negotiation about the future in sex, it was my way or she was going to be standing on the curb with nothing on in -40 degree weather, my father says what kind of a man am I. I said one abused by him, my wife and everyone else for their own selfish wants for 31 years, Him and my wife cry that I was not a good sport about loosing, that I should have just accepted I lost and went with what was decided for me in my life. I guess my life was ill spent in never having a sports figure as a hero. I don’t live my life as a good sport. I live it as a warrior. You wrong me I return the wrong in spades.

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