Wife Cheated? The 4 Step Formula to Recover from Her Affair

By Kevin Jackson, Author of “Wife Cheated Report”

The Formula To Heal From Your Wife’s Cheating

If you’ve been cheated on, you feel emotionally devastated, betrayed, jealous, depressed, anxious… and more.

So today I’m going to share my 4 step formula to recover from your wife’s affair.

To be honest, there’s a helluva lot more to recovering than just these 4 steps – but these 4 are absolutely critical and trip up all too many guys.

By focusing on these four steps, you can focus on what’s most important to your healing… without getting (too) overwhelmed by emotion.

Here you go…


Click the play button above to watch the video or read the summary below…

Step 1: No Contact Message

Infidelity is a betrayal of commitment, which is why the first step towards repairing the relationship is to reestablish commitment. One tangible way to do so is through a “no contact message,” where your wife communicates to the other man via a text, e-mail, or phone call, telling him in no uncertain terms that it is over and that he should not contact her again.

If she does not agree to sending the “no contact” letter, you may need to play hardball and threaten to leave. The important point to remember is that it is very hard to move past her affair if she is still keeping her options open with the other man. And make sure you witness the message, rather than taking her word for the fact that she sent it.

Step 2: Full Access

In order to rebuild trust, your wife needs to give you full access to her phone, e-mail and Facebook accounts, and any other online accounts. If she resists it’s because: 1) She doesn’t want to be inconvenienced; 2) She doesn’t want you to see her history with the other guy; 3) She may still be seeing the other guy. None of these are valid excuses. Remind her that even though it’s uncomfortable to share, it will help you to reestablish trust moving forward together.

Step 3: Remorse

Your wife should feel a deep remorse for betraying you and hurting you.

If your wife doesn’t, it’s because either 1) She’s selfish and doesn’t care for your feelings; 2) She’s blaming you for the affair to get the attention off of her. Could be both. It’s important for the two of you to discover what underlies her belief that you are to blame: whether it’s her self-esteem or her frustrated marriage expectations.

Step 4: Disclosure

Your wife needs to tell you every detail you want to know about the affair. She may resist out of a desire to avoid hurting you further, but tell her that by being open and honest she will help you to make peace with the past. That way, instead of obsessing over unanswered questions, you will have all the answers you need. This can be an opportunity for her to earn back your trust. Remind her, as well, that you want to rebuild the marriage with her but need her help and honesty to do so.

These 4 steps to recover from a woman’s affair are a great place to start.

Your next step?

If you’re not already a subscriber to my newsletter, click the button below and download my free report “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make After Women Cheat.” It will help you avoid mistakes most guys don’t see coming that make things worse.

If you ARE already a subscriber to my newsletter, consider getting the whole scoop on how to recover from your wife’s affair in my Survive Her Affair System.

– Kevin Jackson

 

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Kevin Jackson has helped thousands of men recover after their wife cheated. He is an internationally recognized relationship coach, a best-selling author and has designed a proven 4-step approach to successfully heal from infidelity. If your wife has cheated on you and you would like to recover as quickly as possible from her affair, Kevin has put together a free report designed specifically for you. You can get that free report now, by visiting http://www.WifeCheatedReport.com.

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8 Responses to Wife Cheated? The 4 Step Formula to Recover from Her Affair

  1. Zen Ben says:

    I Stopped Loving My Ex on Thanksgiving Day

    Over this Thanksgiving weekend, I went back to my home town to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving. As I have every year for a decade, I once again attempted to contact my ex-wife for a lunch meeting. I was specific in my carefully written letter to her that I didn’t want to spend our brief time together hashing over old hurts, but simply to catch up on each other’s lives. I told her that we’re both getting older now, and that I would like to go to my grave having come to peace with her. I sent the letter a week before the visit, and even enclosed a stamped self-addressed letter, so she could easily reply. When I got in town checked back home to see if she might have replied while I was enroute. Nothing.

    While I was in town this week I used a people finder search service to find her new home address. The first letter had been sent to her work address, because that was all I could find through internet search. After discovering her home address, I sent a lovely hand-written card, with my contact card enclosed, in the hope that it might get response. Once again, dead silence. The letters and cards are not being returned, so I do have the right addresses. She is choosing to refuse to even acknowledge my existence, as if a seven year marriage was equivalent to a bad date from a guy she doesn’t want to see any more. When I realized that she was not going to respond, as she has not every year for the last decade when I have taken my annual visit to my relatives, something curdled in my heart.

    I spent a sleepless night, filled with shame and rage. It felt like this has all just happened yesterday. All the years in between did not mean anything to my heart. The pain of the betrayal was fresh in me. At the end of that long night, towards dawn, something turned over in me. I recognized that my shame was due to the fact that the whiny beta-male pleading and begging was the same pattern that she had greeted with betrayal in our marriage. She didn’t respect me then, and she doesn’t respect me now. My rage is rooted in the fact that she has never once expressed remorse for her illicit sexual affair with another man, while living under my roof, and sleeping in my bed at night. She will not give me what I really crave, which is to say, “I regret causing you so much pain”.

    It hit me at the end of that long night, when I finally had to come to terms with the fact that she has made a conscious decision to keep on dissing me until the day I die, that my treasured image of her as this wonderful, kind and loving woman was a fantasy I had created in order to shield myself from the full pain of the knowledge that she did not reciprocate my sincere love for her, and had proven it pretty dramatically by having an open affair that I was about the last person in town to learn about. That is not the mark of a good and decent woman.

    Even a simple, “No thank you, I don’t want to meet with you” in response to my request would be a respectable option. I’m not even going to get that common courtesy from her. She is not the treasured princess that I held this little candle for in a corner of my heart all these years. She is just another garden variety selfish, cruel, narcissitic American woman, who cares really only about her career and the status that brings her. She is not the woman I imagined her to be.

    The only good part of this whole ordeal is that I finally stopped loving her this week. I am writing a memoir, of which the chapter of my marriage to this woman is the hardest chapter. I will send her a copy of her chapter as my final gift to her. It is actually easier for me now to hate her, rather than to grovel to a woman who has yet to express any remorse and takes every opportunity I offer her for reconciliation to reinforce her contempt for me.

    What she will never know is that I’m a different man than the earnest, patient, kind and loving husband that she found so contemptible. I have butched up a lot, and will not take crap from women now. In my second marriage, I am the alpha male who is the captain of the ship, and I will not put up with disrespect.

    I now understand the “nice guy” trap. All the feminist claptrap about ‘equal partnership’ amounts in practice to undermine the power of the male in the relationship, and deny the fundamental socio-biological facts of male/female relationships. If you buy into that nonsense, then something completely different happens than what the women’s magazines advice columns try to peddle.

    Women do not respect men who do not take command, and even if they think they want equal power, when they get it, you lose your power of sexual attraction for them. You become this pitiable eunuch that they can’t stand. Then, feeling the lack of sexual attraction in their marriage, at a certain age they figure out that they can get all the sexual attention they want from other men, who do turn them on, because they have command presence. Once the girl goes bad like that, there’s no turning back. Exciting affairs are available one phone call away. Mr. Nice Guy is so boring to them that they can barely stand to be around them. So, man up, guys.

  2. rick says:

    6 years into our marriage and three kids latter my wife had to get a part time job working nights to help out with the income. my parents were in a horrible car accident and they were in critical condition. I was devastated and so upset. she didn’t want to work but she found a job in a restaurant as a waitress at night. she ended up having 4 years of emotional and sexual affairs with 3 diferent coworkers. I found out about them 2 years after they ended. one of the affair partners tried to contact her by phone . I put 2 and 2 together and confronted her to tell me what was going on and she told me. it tore me up. I stayed with her because she begged me not to leave and that she still loved me. her it is 30 years later and I was watching old videos I took of her and the the kids I took back when she was having her affairs and realized it had been going on for 4 years and that it was with 3 different men. I became depressed and had an emotional breakdown. ive been feeling horrible for 6 mounths now. she is very remorsfull for what she did and has disclosed as much as she can remember about the affairs. I cant believe what has happened to me this late in my life. she says she cant live without me. in these 6 mounths she has opened up to me emotionaly and sexualy like I have never experienced with her before. I asked her why, she said that walls came down in her mind. she said the walls she had up were always there and didn’t know why they were there.

    • Kevin Jackson says:

      Rick – it saddens me to see you’re still dealing with this 30 years later. It’s natural to get “triggered” when you see something that reminds you of the affair – but that you’ve been feeling horrible for 6 months now makes me a bit concerned. Have you tried going to a therapist or a psychiatrist? They may be able to prescribe you meds to help you break the cycle more quickly than you would alone. Good luck. – K.J.

  3. Rickey says:

    I would have to say these four items are spot on. I was also that nice guy who was last to know, after two short term affairs. And we are supposedly a Christian couple. Can happen anywhere. Reading other comments could almost be my story- my wife of 20 years was molested by a family member as a child, had an abusive boy friend as a teenager before me, and fell apart after her mother died and out oldest child left home. She has been completely remoseful as she has seen how much I’m hurt. She now says she had secretly resented me for years for a couple BS reasons like being away from her mother. Long story short, she let some damn snake sweet talk her. The thing is I was still a mess two years later when she did it again just for the excitement. Our break down and the conversations after are when I really discovered that the prior damage just simply had her head screwed up. She actually said she had never really been able to love me or anyone else. Try that on after 20 years of marriage.
    So here I am today, she has made a real and honest 180. Loves me more than life now that I have broken thru, but the memories of someone else touching my wife just kill me and won’t go away.
    Kevin, I’ve been lurking around reading these emails and coping best I can on my own. I’ve never had anyone else to share and help me get through this. It’s been three years, I’m way better but not 100%. I’m ordering the book. Thanks, just hope this helps someone else.

    • Kevin Jackson says:

      Hi Rickey,

      Yes you can bet your sharing helps – every time a man is “man enough” to open his heart and share his hurt, it helps other guys going through the same thing. So thank you.

      I’m happy she’s done an honest 180. And I feel you about 3 years down the road and not 100% healed yet. I wasn’t at 100% at 3 years. In fact I was still so wrapped up in it emotionally that I confronted the other guy – after 3 years. Made me feel a bit better but not 100%. I’d say I hit 100% better after about 5 years.

      But the fact you’re doing better than you were before – even if you’re not at 100% – says a lot. Over time the feelings will continue to lessen, as long as she doesn’t hurt you again. Make sure she’s worthy of your trust now.

      Best of luck. – K.J.

  4. Don says:

    Hey Kevin,
    Long story short am the details kinda guy and i needed to know everything especially the sexual details. Me and her talked about it anf she answered my questions. Problem is her story kept changing and stuff wasn’t adding up. So everytime she lied a new question popped up. So i left her and never looked back.
    The problem is my questions (the sexual details) were never answered to my satisfaction and every time i sit and wonder a new question always pops up. Like did he put the protection on himself, did he grab her boobs, did she kiss him back (she said he forced himself on her). Am losing my mind knowing i cant ask her since we aint together anymore. I feel if i never get some of these questions answered i’ll never heal. I dont want her back but its important i know the answers.
    Is there another way i can deal with this and get past it. I want to move on with my life and live again. Looking forward to your response Kevin 🙂

  5. Brandon says:

    I’m completely confused to what happened in my marriage. We have been together for 3 years and married Dec 16, 2016 and by Jan 11, 2017 she was texting a person connected through work (a local sheriff deputy). She stopped having sex with me and became emotionally and physically distant. However she would hound me to check and make sure to get our copy of the marriage license and our shirts we had made from our honeymoon. She would also send me messages of wanting to grow old with me and other sweet messages. That would change as soon as she got home and she would go back to being distant. I don’t know what went wrong, we got back from our honeymoon and it was the best our relationship had ever been. Then as soon as this guy got her number through work she was putty in his hands but still showed some emotion if only through text. We’re starting counseling but her level of remorse concerns me but it might only be her in the way she deals with things. She hasn’t broken down in front of me except for once at church. She hasn’t cried about what she’s done. She has apologized and said she wished it didn’t happen. She said she didn’t realize how much I loved her until after she saw how hurt I was. She was planning to divorce me and the 2 of them we basically trying to have kids. She said she loved him and wanted to marry the man. She now says it was a mistake but doesn’t’ do the day to day things to make me feel better like I would if rolls were reversed. I have access to her online phone account so I can see who calls and text but something still seems off. She was worried about the cost of marriage counseling when she has several thousand dollars in savings. Im holding out hope but it scares me that she was able to have this second life and planning a future with another man all while sending me messages about “only wanting to wake up to you face for the rest of my life”. That completely blows my mind and makes me question her character and mental status.

  6. Steven says:

    Hi, my Steve and my wife left me for another man too. After the first man I lost my cookys , blowup yell and argued lots this and that nothing big arguments, she still will not try with .
    She did stop with that guy and found another man.we have money problems bankruptcy as right now, I have been trying to get eyes open for ths last 9 months, no all bad , as have 3 children and been married 6 years together for 8 . she refuses to see a marriage counselor. She says that wasted time and money cuz she been in therapy all her life. She doesn’t blame me for what she did but you can’t forgive yourself in either I can see it in her eyes but she don’t know how to get back how it was the happy like that we had

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