Your Wife Cheated – Here’s A Common But Deadly Mistake To Avoid…

Your Wife Cheated – Here’s a Common But Deadly Mistake To Avoid…

So you find out your wife cheated.

And your entire world is upside down.

Everything you thought you knew about your wife, marriage – hell, about LIFE itself – it’s all up in the air.

You’re emotionally devastated.

It’s the most F*CKED UP you’ve ever been in your entire life… pardon my french.


I know because I’m right with you, brother.

When I found out my wife betrayed me for another guy… man, did I suffer. And man did I make some BIG TIME mistakes…

And looking back, I think I have some perspective that I can share with you… that’ll help you avoid the common mistakes guys make when they find out they have a cheating wife.

When most guys find out, their emotions are all over the place.

Which is totally understandable.

Hell, how could we not be screwed up on the inside when going through this?

The problem comes when we start making DECISIONS during this time when we’re all screwed up.

Decisions like whether to stay or go.

Decisions like starting to drink more than you normally do.

Decisions like how to handle your anger or pain.

Or how to forgive a cheating wife.

Even decisions about whether or how to win back your wife after an affair.

You get my point.

It’s easy to get sucked into seeing the world through the emotionally-charged “lens” we wear when you find out your wife cheated.

It’s an easy mistake to make… but deadly.

To figure out how to deal with a cheating wife, we need to practice stepping back for a second, realize we may not be thinking straight, and commit ourselves to not to make any big decisions until our feelings start to even out.

When you do, you’ll avoid turning your wife’s affair into an event that causes your entire life to go into a tailspin (which is what happens to too many guys).

Instead, you’ll make decisions when you’re back on solid ground in your inner world…

… and those decisions will be damn-smart.

So right now, take 10 seconds and say to yourself, “I might be emotionally jacked up right now, so I commit to myself to do the thing a mature man would do… and not make any big decisions for now.”


Listen, I put up this blog to help guys like us who are going through infidelity in our marriages.

So let me know you read this – hell, I DARE you – and comment below.

Then go grab yourself a free copy of my free report “The 7 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Wives Cheat.”

It goes into way more detail than this article – go grab it now… just click the button below and enter your email:

Talk soon – Kevin Jackson

“I read your 7 mistakes. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person. Thank you again. You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me.” – Bill, Australia

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447 Responses to Your Wife Cheated – Here’s A Common But Deadly Mistake To Avoid…

  1. Steve says:

    Heard/saw your video…. I can’t think straight. I never saw it coming because I could NEVER do that to my wife. It is core for me, you don’t betray your spouse. If you are unhappy, try to fix it. If you can’t fix it, get out; but, NEVER EVER start another relationship while in a marriage. I can’t stop picturing them together and she won’t even fully admit the depth of the affair. She is so worried about what everyone else thinks. She is defiant or indifferent – hell, which is worse. BTW, he was my best friend, they knew I could not see it…. I want to be happy again, I can’t see how to get there. Anything you can do to help…. Thanx, SHT

    • admin says:

      Hey Stephen,

      Yeah, as much as it sucks, people are most likely to cheat within their social circle… meaning co-workers, family, and friends… even BEST friends.

      Not thinking straight – normal.

      Never saw it coming – normal.

      Can’t stop picturing it – hella normal.

      Yes, you will be happy again. It feels like you won’t, but you will. It will take time, and requires you not making stupid decisions right now that’ll create longer-term bad consequences.

      There is no magic pill – but don’t believe the thoughts that are telling you you’ll never be “normal” again. You will. In fact, you will be BETTER than normal eventually.

      I know you never thought in a million years it would happen to you, but the “my wife cheated with my best friend” thing has happened to THOUSANDS of men throughout the ages. You’re not alone.

      Sign up for my free report if you haven’t already – it outlines the mistakes you need to avoid right now.

      – Kevin Jackson

      • Bres says:

        She is still doing it. She thinks I’m stupid. It’s all on her twiter account which 2 days ago she said “I never do tweets”, and I look and she was there yesterday leading them in to more fun. Any advice, as this is just the second confirmed catch? Also, to insult my intelligence (she knows I’m mensa level+), she thinks I cannot nail her twitter account.

        • Danny Billinglsley says:

          My wife went into a drug & alcohol/mid-life crisis tailspin and left me four different times . . two times for 6 months. . . 2 times for a year. Antidepressants, alcohol, marijuana, benzodiazepines. . .The total number of men is now 10 (TEN different men) each man multiple times over. . . I have confirmed. We have two little girls together. It has been about two years since her last affair. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have no drive, desire or ambition. I am an amotivated, exhausted, zombie and I live with constant pain. The humiliation never goes away. My identity as a father, husband and head of a family has been stripped from me ENTIRELY. .. .I hate my wife. I hate what she did. The images torture me day in and day out. . . so many men, so many scenarios. I want to leave her. I Have already been through a divorce and seen the damage it has done. . lasting damage to my 22 year old son. . . .I hate this and no one can help me. My wife tries to say things to me. . . I just hate every word she says. . . .. . ANY OF YOU GUYS READING THIS. . . IF YOUR WIFE CHEATS ON YOU MORE THAN ONCE. . . . GET OUT AND RUN AND NEVER GO BACK. . . .IT WILL NOT WORK. . YOU WILL NEVER FORGET, NEVER STOP HATING AND HURTING. . . . .NEVER.

          • luis says:

            Well said,going thru it all now.6th time

          • Shakes says:

            I feel your pain. It is immasculating and noonedeserves this 2 new time here, 3 boys.
            I come from a rough background my first instinct was to act violently but I resisted. Don’t blame the dumbass looking for tail, blame your wife.

          • richard says:

            WEll PUT..My wife has been cheating on me for a year now…the whole time she tell me she isn’t talking to the guy isn’t seeing him and at least once every week i would see them sexting and read see text saying when and where to meet or leave to meet…I supported her and her daughter since her daughter was 4…we got married and had a son and after the marriage she lost both her parents and placed blame on me for everything and then made me out to be the bad guy in everything…CHEATING IS NEVER OK and its not your FAULT SHE CHEATED…nothing you did made her cheat…I TELL MYSELF THAT OVER AND OVER and it doesn’t help but maybe time will…WE ALL NEED TO STAY STRONG AND STOP BELIEVE OUR Lying wifes….they will never stop

          • Pete says:

            Danny I’m sorry this happen to you man unfortunately i was there long time ago but I finely let it go ,I wish I can tell you how I did it but only time will help, I don’t know if my still doing it but I can tell you is not the same any more unfortunately this will end soon or later bad thing we have 5 kids together but she will not change HER BAD HABBITS EVEN IF SHE WAS BORN AGAIN.

        • Someone says:

          If she shows no remorse and she doesn’t want to fix things, leave her ass. Don’t stick around. You’re only hurting yourself, not the other guy or your wife. That’s just plain evil, man. The fact that she would toy with you like that.

          Leave her. Get separated. Let her fuck that other dude all she wants because she’s a dirty whore and you don’t want to fuck that. Trust me. She’s not worth the time of day if she can’t be honest and doesn’t work toward fixing the relationship. That’s fucked up, man. I’ve been cheated on before, but my wife was honest about it and took measures to move past it. She didn’t continue to do this bull shit.

          I don’t know if it’s her friends/relatives enabling her behavior or what, but get the fuck out. If my wife showed no remorse for what she did, I wouldn’t stick around. I would know for certain that she didn’t want to be with me. Just walk away. It’s the healthy and right thing to do.

      • Mick says:

        Thank-you, all of you, and so much credit going to the music on our FM frequency to make me realize just how common this problem is! My wife, still in denial, has left me to not care any more about it. I know it happened, she wants her freedom. I cannot win with her by living/communicating with that lower animal self of me. At that level exists the emotions, and they are the hurt, betrayal ones; not good. Unfortunately, that is also where the sexual desires exist. Men are much better off channeling that sexual energy to develop spiritually. It has been known since ancient times that “holding the seed” can lead to incredible inner power. We are animals with instinct to reproduce before we are metamorphosized spirits beyond the ego, and that will always be the dilemma. Sex is supposed to be gratifying because it is absolutely necessary for sexual reproducing species to survive. I am successful at breaking from my wife’s spell with this thought in mind. No more anger, no more frustration, no more ego, but practical goals to feel good about. It may come down to a choice of either ego gratification (in this case none since I was cheated on) or to start seeing things beyond the ego, simple yet true. I feel it from the core, and she gets it!

      • John says:

        My wife has cheated 3 times that I know about, how many more that I don’t know about is what concerns me. The thing about my wife is that she loves to give HEAD and she has this insatiable appetite for cum. But listen guys I decided to leave it in God’s hands. It states 27 times in the Bible that Lord does not take kindly to those that commit adultery. We can’t punish them now, but when their time comes and they arrive at the gates of heaven, they will be denied access,…………forever.

    • ray says:

      found out my wife cheated on me with 5 to 6 men over last 10 years how dum could i be

      • Dameon green says:

        Mine two. I caught her three different times and she only will admit to one. But I have all the text. I decided to stay but know I am having second thoughts.

    • My wife of 20 years has cheated on me more than once. The first was a few weeks into our relationship. She has always been a liar and a flirt, especially when drinking, which she has even done right in front of me…and then denied the whole thing happened. It took me 7 years to get the truth out of her about the time she did it early in our relationship. It was with her ex and her excuse was that she did it to see if she still loved him, seriously? How many times it happened im not sure, she says it was just the once, but being the liar she is, she would really wouldnt she. Although i know the actual date it happened and over the years with the rows it has caused the timeline in which it did from her perspective has changed and also things she admitted have also changed, making it seem even more as though it was not just the once. The second was with a friend of hers on a night out. I have heard the facts from two friends of mine that were there, but she has never admitted to that incident. Im guessing due to the cheap slutty nature of it all, that she will try to keep denying that one for a while as has still not come clean on what happened, just made another huge web of lies that she will trip up on each time its brought up. Besides those two, i have reason to believe that there have been others, but the worst is the most recent involving her younger brothers best mate. This one her brother seems to be part of as i also get the feeling and from things said by him that he also would prefer her to be with his best buddy, hmmm obviously seen as he is a lazy asshole that does not work as he feels he shouldnt have too for some reason, but can deal drugs instead. I have worked my whole life and sadly she has never had any intention to work either. But why would she when she can be a kept woman by the mug who goes to work everyday so she can act like a slut for her brothers best mate (and anyone else probably as i think she cant say no to anyone judging by looks of those she has cheated with). It also seems her brother is helping and trying to get me out of the way. He keeps offering me work with him dealing his drugs even though knows that unlike him, i am a worker. It makes it seem a bit obvious when he states that i would only do six months if i got caught and makes me think that he is planning on setting me up to get me out of the picture for his buddy. However, im not stupid enough to deal drugs and am way smarter than her brother in more ways than one. Although he thinks he has everything sussed? Yes mate, thats why you deal drugs and still live at home with mummy when your in your thirties. I have more than one source to back up my case again but as always, she denies everytime, although i have also tripped her up many times on this one too, so the so called facts of hers keep changing (every liars achilles heel) but she still denies. Sex with me changed at this point too, very quickly and dramatically. All of sudden she was doing things that she was not physically able to do before, ie deep throat and a few other things too. I will admit that through our “dry patch” i was texting a woman that i met on a chat site. I never actually met her and to be honest didnt enjoy the sneaking, sly way of going about the whole thing as i prefer to be honest. She did find the texts and guess what….all hell broke loose! Me texting another woman caused all kinds of issues for her, she no longer trusted me and still dont, although she has issues with me not trusting her when she has physically cheated numerous times. I also confessed to the whole thing and admitted all acussations and honestly told her everything, even why! After that she started spicing things up in the bedroom, so all of sudden you like more extreme and rougher and kinkier sex that you never liked before? (well, with me anyway). Hhhmmmm!
      Im still hearing and seeing things that point in the direction of her and her numerous lies and affairs. I have always been very good at spotting liars through all the signs, body language, speech and tone, blood flow and accelerated heart beat etc. She knows this, its part of my life due to what i do. If i spot our kids lying she instantly jumps on it as she knows i am always on to something. But its a different story with her lies….as though all my knowledge and skills in this field do not excist and its all in my head….hmmmm, thats appropriate for her i suppose, but i trust my instincts as they have never let me down. I could get her to take a lie detector test, but if she cant be honest wih me in the first place, whats the point? She would say it was rigged or that it just made her nervous and misinterpreted the signs, i know her too well.
      Anyhow, i am know here for my kids. One has recently left home and lives with her boyfriend, my other two are still at home.
      If my brother in law got his way and got me out of the picture and his best buddy in my place, my kids lives would be ruined as he is another useless lazy, uneducated prick that can barely put a sentence together without coming across plain fucking dumb. My kids are smart, they take after their dad and my daughter already works and has done since she was 15 just like me. My other two would be facing a life of crime, laziness, violence and fuck knows what else if this dick got his own way. So im kind of stuck in a situation at the moment, do i stay with the cheating bitch and her family of useless dicks that appear to want to ruin my life, maybe because im honest as i havent done any wrong to any of them and have helped them out in many ways that i now regret putting in the time, effort, money and agro i had in doing that.
      Or do i walk away, keep my kids as close as i possibly can and try and keep them from falling of the good track that they are on? That will be hard as been there before with my ex and that didnt go to plan at all.
      Worse part of it is, that she thinks our relationship is perfect……well she would really when she has a mug that keeps her and fucks who she wants behind my back wouldnt she!
      So im persiting in digging up the truth at the moment, like its become a consuming curse that will not go away until i find it.
      Not really how i wanted things to turn out as i am now dedicated in bringing her whole world and all those involved crashing down around them.

      • MIKE says:

        to the seeker of the truth,I spent a good portion of my life with a very similiar bitch,over 20 years,,and number one-what you said about your gut instinct,,that is your absolute,accurate secret weapon -do not doubt it ,not for a second …god gave you this for a reason-if you feel something aint right ,,it aint right…and im sorry to say ,but if she said it was only once,,she probably fucked him hundreds of times,,and I know this shit is painful,I went through it,,I found out my wife was having an affair that was going on for 10 years,and she said she only slept with him 4 or 5 times ,but i have become very good at detecting bullshit , more like 4or 500,and i went through the feeling that the last 10 years of my life was a total fraud,,every day ,,every time she said she loved me ,,she had to tell me 20 lies a day every day just to keep the lie going,,i spent months running images through my head of her fuckin this piece of shit,,its fucked up because i was actually totally loyal to her ,,i didnt have to be ,i could have screwed 100 s of bitches,but i loved her ,and its funny for years i had this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasnt right,,so thats your gut instinct,and I know its hard ,but the best thing you could do is cut her loose,,she wont change,,im sure you have heard that,,and i know you want to believe will do what you want to do, but from experience ,,leave her,,she showed total disrespect for you ,you seem like a decent guy ,and i have no doubt ,,,she lied to you about what she did tell you ,,its 100 times worse,and she will not change, I know that s painful to hear,it was painful for me to face to,, but i have finally come to accept the truth,, bitches like that are selfish,usually greedy,liars that dont change,,I dont even know you,but you seem pretty smart,so dont just settle for some narcissist,habitual lying,douchebag–there are plenty of fish in the sea(that saying has been around a long time,for a good reason)its the fuckin truth,,good luck and trust your gut instinct,it never fails

        • mukasa john says:

          dear Mike
          It’s interesting how I landed on this site when searching for what I should do following my wife cheating severally. I met her 8 years ago in Africa. I brought her and her daughter to UK and they are settled now. Ever since she joined me, its been men one after another. She is very good at apologising, many friends advised me to leave her but I hanged in there. 3 years ago we had a set of twins. Last year August we went to Africa to get married in church, we had a big wedding. But in October she registered herself on a dating site. I caught her a month later and she promised heaven and earth with apologies and that she was stressed over debts. I moved out for a week and came back which mistake I regret till now. This year Jan 2016 I discovered she had slept out on the 18th the December of last year but lied that she was on a night shift. Am very good at intelligence work- details reserved. she has been screwing this old Nigerian man who had even bought her a tablet. My wife had given this table to my step daughter, I destroyed it. Poor girl understood why, she has always known her mum’s deeds because we argue in the house about her men issues. As it is now I have just discovered that she slept our again last week Friday when she said she was at a night shift. Problem is that she never accepts that she has a problem. I fear to leave my kids with her as she constantly feeds them on tinned food when am not around. She abuses her daughter a lot especially when am not around. I fear social services might take the kids when I leave.
          What should I do?

      • DJ says:

        wow, nuts, yeah denial is the motto with cheating wives, working or not, educated or not.
        Mine will never admit it and she’s educated and works. The plan of most career cheaters is to get the injured spouse to slip up by revenge cheating or anything they can get mad at you for (bottomless needs or flirting os any kind), so they have an excuse to run to their lover and share, then fuck.
        After therapy, I was told three things; ”
        1. she’s getting her needs met somewhere else,
        2. she wants to tell everyone you (injured spouse) cheated or left me (her the cheater) for someone else and
        3. you (injured spouse) need to detach, when are you planning to do that?”
        Correct? yeah I know, therapists usually suggest ending the marriage, especially when only one goes to therapy.
        Fact is “once a cheater, always a cheater”

    • NV DEEZ says:

      My wife was Haven sex with my friend before me she new he had a girlfriend but still wonted to b with him like a dum young girl u now well I meet her and we hit it of right away i thot . Well I’d say 2weeks in to it she says i was to drunk go home sleep it off . Well 12years 2 kids later and come to find out when I went home he was with her sleeping together and to make it ever freackn worse he got herps and told me acouple days before he told me he got them from this girl we new a week before right after they were done she was drunk and told him she had them on ax . Anyways I told my wife when I found out before that night so . Knowing he had a girlfriend for years and wasn’t leaving her . And we was together knowing all that she still did it and I just found out she still won’t admit it so we took STD test all of them . What should I do leave her or let it go ? But like you said I can’t forget it feels like yesterday everyday but IV never cheated and iv never loved anyone more in my life ever she acts like I should just let it go . But I can’t

    • Koop says:

      I have been there, 1 1/2 years ago. I am still sick about it. I have decided that my life is worth something. I am going to be happy. What my EX does i don’t know. She is destine to live with her betrayals. I am clean and will be ok. My advise don’t ever contact them again, ever. Fuck them. They both lost something as well, a good friend. Nether of them will ever be able to forgive themselves for that. Lets hope they stay together for sometime. In the end it will be the end of them as well. It matters how you start things. My wife was married when I met her. I knew who she was, i just looked past it at my own expense. It was very expensive to figure this out. I hit the delete button on photo’s, phone numbers, Facebook, never again will these animals have access to me. Time for me to find someone that is honest and it will take my time doing it. You will too..

  2. Mike says:

    My wife of 13 year has had an affair with two different men in the last year. She claims she is sick and has a “monster” inside of her but at this point I don’t know what to believe. I left the when I first found out but she had to have surgery the next day and no one could drive her to the doctor and back but me. So now I a home taking care of my wife and 7 year old daughter and I am going out of my mind. I have friends that are supportive but right now that just doesn’t seem to be enough. I just don’t know how she could do this to us.

    • kris says:

      my wife cheated on me 4 months ago and also sent pictures to guys online all summer. she also had a monster inside….it turns out she is bipolar. this happens a lot w bipolar woman as far as i know…. however sick or not i still havent forgiven her even though shes back home. shes on meds now. i still dont know what to do with my bitterness but bp disorder is something you should look into

    • Mick says:

      My wife was sneaking anti-depressants from my knowing. Problems go well beyond the bedroom. It’s a no brainer to me that my wife cheated due to the fact that she is not happy. Am l wrong to believe that to experience real happiness one must be able to handle depresssion on their own? How can you have one without the other? It is very sad to see that so many people are over-medicated in our society today. It is no wonder to me why more marriages today fail than before the zoloft, prozac, ridilan, and other pharmaceutical, non-spiritual choices became brainwashed into so many feeble minds as the answer. So many people do not look inward for the answer. We Americans are getting weaker and weaker. It’s pointless for any one to get a denying, cheating wife to own up. If they did, they would lose face and have to look inward. Thus denial will continue, and maybe even a stronger dose of some pharmaceutical drug to shut that inner door tight.

  3. admin says:


    It’s totally normally not to be able to get your mind around the fact that she did what she did. “Accepting” the fact of the affairs can take a long time, but it’s a big step in your healing process.

    There’s a part of us that doesn’t want to accept it, I believe partly because we think it’ll prevent us from the pain of acknowledging that yes, this thing we hate did happen.

    Some people call this denial. And it’s totally normal. But getting to the point of accepting it will help you, and it won’t kill you, even if it feels like it will.

    I want to acknowledge you for taking care of your wife right now despite what she did, and of course taking care of your daughter. And I know the stress can seem unbearable – on the one hand you’re devasted and angry at your wife, and on the other hand you’re taking care of the the very woman who hurt and betrayed you.

    I’m curious how much you’ve talked about the affairs with your wife. It will help you if you make a list of the questions you have for her, and then pick 1 or 2 to answer every day or so. Some people call this the “fishbowl technique.” Put your questions on pieces of paper, put them in a fishbowl, and then your wife dips in and pulls out questions until she gets one she can answer.

    The fish bowl isn’t necessary – the point is to get your questions answered. It’s liking pulling off a bandaid – it’s going to hurt like hell at first.

    By the way, your wife saying she has a monster inside of her sounds to me like she’s ditching responsibility for what she did. She did it, not a monster. While we all have that potential inside us – even you and me – we need to take responsibility when we allow that side of us to steer the ship and hurt the ones we love.

    -Kevin Jackson

    • mikee says:

      Does what you say, think, or feel about a wife having an affair go for a long term affair? Because i feel like when i can move past this it’s stuck in my head how long it went on. How I trusted her so much I was blind for not seeing the signs. I love her too much to lose her but just don’t know how to move past this.

  4. Mike says:

    Thank you for your response! It was very help full but the last paragraph cut like a knife. I guess I wanted to believe it was the “monster” that did it and not her. I just hope and pray through therapy that we can start over for our daughters sake, and the fact that I love her. I just really need some support right now and I feel so alone.

    I wish the sky wasn’t blue, I wish water wasn’t wet, and I wish I still didn’t love my wife.

    • admin says:

      One point here is that we ALL have that “monster” inside of us. And yes, it feels good in the moment for both the wife who cheated and the husband to blame it on a third party… in my opinion the danger is that down the line, that monster can pop up it’s ugly head again unless the person takes ownership of the monster. Basically what this means is that your wife takes responsiblity for what she did, the two of you have an ongoing honest discussions about what needs your wife had that weren’t being met, see if you can eventually get to the point of forgiving her, etc. But for right now, you just need to hang in there and realize your not alone. I’ll tell you that EVERY DAY guys who are dealing with infidelity are signing up to get my free report and join my newsletter list. You’re not alone. Affairs happen in roughly 75% of marriages, believe it or not. If you have friends, try to lean on them right now…

    • gr says:

      well Mike just know you aren’t the last boy scout. i too still love my wife. she said she has no excuse for what she did. it just happened. well we both know that is a load of shit. i don’t know if we will make it thru this or not. i want to work on us but it takes two. she should have thought about the monster of love that she had at home.

    • kenneth says:

      Hi there I to I love my wife so much. We have a son our first together we have married for two and half years she had cheated on with three man
      I still love her and she sad she does love me anymore what must do to get over her as speak she got someone and we are still married

  5. Mike says:

    BTW, I did find letters that pretty much gave me as much detail as I think I can stomach at this point. Though I love the fishbowl idea, I just dont know if I am ready….

    • admin says:

      Good point: the amount of detail each guy needs to know depends on the guy. Some men don’t need any details… some need ALL of them. You have to decide how much you need, for now. Don’t deny it if you need to know some of the specifics – but don’t think you need to know everything either. You may or you may not – only you can decide. You can always ask for more information down the road. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to give it to you.

      But for now, just take it one day at a time, and realize that you WILL get through this and you WILL feel better. Keep educating yourself. Read the material on this site. And as soon as my eBook comes out, go grab yourself a copy… – Kevin Jackson

  6. TJ says:

    My wife had an affair this last summer that lasted about a month. She told me by dropping a letter in my lap and walking away. The letter explained minor involvement that I later discovered to be the monthlong affair. She seemed very sorrowful, and so I manned up and forgave her and we initially had the best week of our marriage. However, in addition to getting pregnant as a result of that week (yes, my baby), she has been an emotional ice cube. Intimacy, for example is only at my request, or only for my benefit. We have been seeing a counselor, but it seems so vague and unproductive. I don’t know what to do. She means the world to me, but I feel I am at an impass. She would say otherwise, rather that she feels just fine about me. It shows though. Do you know what I mean?

    • Steven says:

      My wife cheated 2 months ago I read shit they wrote I’ve been married for 8 yrs with 2 boys and she said she had no I dear why she just block everything out but here lies my problem she told me way to much I read way to much I still love here but I’m not a fucking Dumas’s about it I keep visioning it in my head that the problem I really think I need a break to gather my thoughts but I know it will kill my boys I want to make it work but I don’t if I mentally can if anyone with children could help thanks

    • Nate says:

      This really hits home but I am in early stages just found out myself a couple weeks ago that she had an affair with her boss from Jan to April,..not her boss now but still same company and i work there too,..I feel the pain.

  7. Dan says:

    It’s been 1 year since I found out about my wife’s infidelity. She was screwing a coworker for about a month and every night she would come home to me to satisfy her. I feel so stupid. I had no idea. I knew the guy and he seemed like a player to me. Before any of this happened I told my wife to watch out for him. I guess she had her eyes on him too much. We both have high morals at least I thought we did. We were trying to have a baby when this stupid explosive was crammed up our marriage’s ass. We were unable to have kids throughout our 7 year marriage so we were trying fertility medication. She was feeling so depressed that she could not be happy with anything. I tried to make her happy but I could not. I thought I was a failure and started to go down the road of depression too. One night after we made love she went crying into the bathroom and cut her hair off (from the middle of her back to above her shoulders). I then realized that it is not me making her depressed. I realized that I could not make her happy either.
    I asked her to see a therapist and even our religious leaders but she didn’t. The next day she started screwing Josh. She told me screwing this guy was like a drug or alcohol. I think it would not hurt as much if she came to me and told me she had been binge drinking for the past month instead of “I’ve been unfaithful.”

    I got all the details from her e-mail account. She told him she would lie next to me and wish it was him. I tried to stay with her but she started cutting herself and when I told her I was sad and hurt she would tell me I was not a real man.
    I could not stand it anymore. I could not trust her and I finally left her after trying to make it through this mess with her. I feel better, but not whole yet. I sometimes hurt and today is one of those days. I have feelings of inadequacy and sadness. It is sad that after 7 years we were so happy together that people still thought we were newlyweds. And within the next moment we became the couple everyone wishes they never become.
    I want to other readers to know that good things are yet to come. Some of the best things to do is to calm yourself down and watch her. See how she behaves and then you can determine if she is truly remorseful and truly changed for the better. She is the one who broke the marriage oath and she will have to do a lot of work to build trust and love back into your life.

  8. doug says:

    i thought something was up, so i put a digital tape recorder in her truck. and sure enough guess what i heard. it went to him on her birthday, while i was out buying her a fucking gift she was meeting him. when i heard the tape a huge part of me died. i still love my wife. he has a girlfriend i have been debating if i should tell her or not. when my wife told him i knew he told her it was over. she wouldn’t call and tell him. i dont know what to do. she hasn’t been staying at our house for the last 3 wks. but will call everyday or come by wants to make sure i am all right. i don’t know if she is done with this or not, keeps a password on her phone. i had my supicions for about a year and a half but just couldn’t prove it. i don’t know if they were having sex that long she says they weren’t but she didn’t want any from me. told me it hurt when we had sex and that she has never liked it. but she was having it with him.

  9. doc says:

    Good morning!
    Im in the fucking pissed off stage right now.
    Thank God I love my kids enough not to do something stupid, but sometimes I wonder if even that will stop me.
    Thank God I have a few buddies and a few brothers who dont get tired of hearing me say the same shit over and over the last 8 weeks, even at 5:09 in the morning like right now.
    I wish all of you good luck and stay positive.
    If only I could follow my own advice.
    All the intellectuals implied this would happen. Some even said it to my face.
    I didnt believe them. They saw right through this *(%_%@$*8 c*nt)}.

    Good luck all.

    Dr. C

    • Bres says:

      Doc, at least you have someone to talk about it. She was my best friend, so now what. I thought we were so close I have hardly any friends, and nobody wants to hear this shit. Even when I try to discuss with her she acts as if I’ve lost my mind-maybe? Not yet, I do have mechanisms in place for rapid deployment should I go to def con. I guess the ultimate insult was an old friend sent me her post from plenty of fish that like to destroy the people who gave them their “dreams”.

    • Susan walon says:

      My wife of 19 yrs came home from work one day , said it was over and I should move in 30 days. We have a teenager. It killed me. After he went back to his wife, she called me one day and asked if “I’m ready to be friends”?
      I tried to pretend it didn’t happen. It’s not healing. She expects to pretend it didn’t happen, I think. I don’t want to feel this way anymore!!!!!
      I’ don’t know where to turn. Please pray for me. My middle name is Justin.
      I miss the idea I had of life.

      • Heartbroken Wings says:

        Sad… I feel sorry for each man here. My wife cheated on, wished I was dead, blocked me on facebook, etc… etc… but after the new guy left her three months later, she claims she always loved me and was just confused when she left me for the other guy. I took her back thinking it would work but I can’t forget how she treated me and what she did to my heart. I am still heartbroken. I know I can or will never trust her. I have decided to leave for my own sake because I now know that love doesn’t treat you that way. Tired of silently crying… If any of you have been treated like a trashcan, do yourself a favor and move on. You deserve something better.

        • Tony Morgan says:

          If you give her a second chance then you deserve to be treated like an ass, because that is what you are a whole garbage.
          You need to be a man. If cheated on you once, she will do it again and again and again.

          I personally do not forgive infidelity, even if I die I will die with my dignity intact.

          • Kai says:

            Lets treat this man with disdain, love is blind and love is forgiving, but we all have lesson to learn, just because he took his wife back even though she mistreated him makes him less of a man, love can make you do things even if its not beneficial to you, but he has made his decision in the end to leave her for his own benefit so he has thought about it and found chose his happiness over distrust so we should applaud him

          • Owen Dyonase says:

            Very Good if that happens to me ill feel like a stupid if I forgive her. The best pill to heal is to find another woman who is hotter.

        • Keen Observer says:

          Giving her a second chance was a bigger mistake than the one she had made cheating on you. I mean, come on, you know what is what and that’s right in front of you. Fate has treated her the right way. But it seems YOU are interfering in that now. Brother, if you are really concerned about well being throw that public cum-bag out of your life for good. I did so and I am happy now.

          • DJ says:

            Agree, the most attractive way to be is like “James Bond”, always have options (other women) she can’t predict or figure out what your next move is you never please or put up with shit, you don’t get angry or unglued, you stay centered and keep circulating and best of all give her the gift of absence because “indifference makes the difference” if she doesn’t “chase you” “walk away and never look back”
            I am trying very hard to detach with this model

  10. mike says:

    my wife cheated on me with a co worker she said he only walked her home .and kissed him only one time .i dunno what to thinik i feel like shyt

    • Kevin Jackson says:

      I feel your pain, man. You need to get to the bottom of this. I’m curious – why do you think she even told you they kissed? Sounds like your wife is doing something common, which is when a woman admit to something much smaller than what actually happened, because it makes her feel less guilt… and compared to admitting the full truth, it feels like nothing on her side. Just a hunch. You need to go find out. Best of luck…

      • lee says:

        Same thing happened to me I was told it was banter fvcking banter of all things to call it, it then became flirting, I then discovered it was sex, twice as far as I know first time on her birthday, the kids and I handed her presents to her the night before so she could go on a date and stay at a hotel with him

        I’m only a month in from knowing the ‘whole truth’ but to be fair what I know is enough any more will knock me back further.

        I love her I truly do but she tore my heart out I don’t know if I can stay but I want to try I’m just so confused right now

    • Cal says:

      Hey buddy, my wife got walked home twice and then kissed the dude twice – according to her. There was much more to it, so I’d finally find out 2 months later. I’d say to calm yourself, make an escape plan if you get too cranked up, and calmly ask her to tell you what has been going on. Those two months of believing that shit hurt almost as bad as finally hearing the truth. I hope that the truth is actually what she told you.

  11. Scott says:

    I am so hurt and feel so alone now. I have been with my wife for 27 years and married for 15 years. She is my world. The first affair was in 2005 by her. She met a guy at the ballpark while taking our son for t-ball while i was working. She said it was just one night, not for sure. We file for divorce in July 2005, I later found out the one night affair was just one month prior. She signs a contract for a house end of july 05. Im thinking we are thru, so I hook up with a girl first of August we had sex many times. The divorce is not final at this time, I made a huge mistake I should have never had my affair until the divorce was final but I did guess i was thinking with the wrong head. Two months later and before the divorce was final she does a complete 180 and wants me back even after she finds out about my affair. So we call off the divorce and get back together. Everything is good for about 3 years or so until things start to fall apart again. I hook up again with the same girl again from 2005 and have another affair for about 3 months. One of the most stupidest thing I have ever done. My wife and I get back together again and try to make it work for ourselves and our 10 year old son. All good I thought until total shut down from my wife until October 2010. She now says she wants a divorce and she is just frustrated about everything including our marriage. She says we no longer have the same goals in life she wants to be her own person. I feel something is going on again so i do a liitle digging and yep Im right again. Another affair from her October to December 2010 with some guy she works with. I confront her with 2 1/2 months of chats that she had with this guy that I found about everything they did. Very detailed about what they called sex lunch for many weeks. She said she did this because she never got over the last affair I had on her back in 2008. She tells me know she no longer has any contact with this guy, and the affair is now over, but now she demands a divorce and just wants out. She says the affair that she just had is not the problem, and that is not why she wants the divorce now. Neither one of us has filed yet and we both still live in the same house together with our 11 year old son. Here is the big question, what do i do? I still love her and still want the marriage to work, and want to forgive her but can we ever trust each other agin? I want to but I”m just not for sure if I can or just what to do at this point. Please help Scott

    • tony says:

      God is watching both of you…sit down again with your wife and tell her we should stop this shit for our child sake….Because he will punish us very badly….good luck…

    • should i stay or should i go says:

      I’m in a similar situation. May I ask how things are now for you. Hope you will see this. Thanks

  12. Michael says:

    Wow I wish I had found this site in October. My wife of 17 yrs had a summer long affair with an old high school friend she found on Facebook. I have never been a jealous or snooping kind of guy but I had a feeling. So …… I went back through her Yahoo archives and found out everything. It’s been 3 mos since I’ve confronted her and I’m still in the “pissed off” stage. My kids are the only reason I’m even trying ( half assed , I can’t lie to myself) to work this out. Thank you for your 7 steps.

  13. Torn says:

    I read the book and I must say that it shed light on the way I felt, thought, and wanted to do. My wife had a relationship with my neighbor for 17 months, who by the way, had his wife cheat on him. I was away in Afghanistan when the affair began. The crazy part is that it began a month after she came back home from our vacation in Thailand. I am told that she and the guy were drinking when the first advance was made, not sure, but it carried on for 10 months in my absence and another 7 months upon my return. I have never been the type of person to try look for negative thimgs about my wife, but I knew her behavior was out of the ordinary, especially whenever she had her cell. Long story short, I secretly checked her phone and found out how she planned to divorce me in my absence. I was red with anger and approached, she told me who the person was and I put her out of the house. I came back to my senses and asked that she come back home for the sake of the children. As time has passed, I have come to understand that she had this relationship in my home and around my children. This man slept in my bed as if he was me and that completely destroyed my trust in her. Although, we have decided to try to make things work, she has not been forthcoming with her sorrow for what she did. Truly Lost and hurt

  14. nick says:

    So heres my deal. Married 15 yrs. Wife cheats with some asshole. I know me and know thats a deal breaker. I move out immediately. Divorce her.

    So after she gets a paid off house and a large check plus alimony and child support….. This douchebag moves in 1 week after i leave. Whats worse is NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
    This guy is living in my house. Hes a bum who doesnt work and I support them.

    I cant get past it. What do I do? The state of Florida, neighbors, even the Church doesnt seem to give a rats ass…….. I have a daughter and ACTUALLY HAD TO FIGHT IN COURT to get her 50% of the time. I was just sued by her AND HAD TO PAY HER LEGAL FEES BECAUSE I BECAME MORE SUCCESSFUL. So, she got a raise.

    Can someone help me please. Im loosing it.

    • marty says:

      Man do I know what your going through my wife who I’ve been with for 23 years walked out on me for a bum I haven’t lost my house yet but she is driving this asshole around in the brand new suv I bought her last year and I feel the same way that no one gives a shit I’m so hurt and angry I don’t know what to do.

    • Dale says:

      The church thing sounds familiar. My wife cheated, went to our preacher for some help and seemed like he was blaming me for it, even my wife apologized for the way he treated me.

  15. Jessica says:

    Hi I am a wife. I was looking for info into what to do. I unfortunatly made the horrible mistake of cheating on my husband. We have been married for almost 8 yrs. He was a virgin when we got together he would never cheat on me. I love him more than anything there was a lot of personal problems that led me to do what I did wasn’t thinking straight but I told him the next day. Only happened once never will again but I keep thinking I should let him go out and have sex with someone once. He never would without my permission and I don’t know even given the oppertunity he would. I need opinions what should I do how can I help him through this. Our relationship is better now than it has been since my first child was born she is 7. But he isn’t able to move past it yet. He has forgiven me and says hes not going to leave. It kills me every day that I did this. I wish someone would invent a time machine so I can go back and stop what I did. Please help how can I help him.

    • Nelli says:

      I know exactly what you’re going through, I also had an affair, though every situation isn’t the same. I am five years into healing marriage. I also never would do this again. So hard, I feel like I have to accept husband treating me like crap because of affair. I am afraid he will go have an affair and seriously worried about it!!!

    • shane says:

      hi jess

      just been reading your part about the affair you had and have to hold my hand up to you at least you have the balls to admit you was wrong and want to move forward with your other half .
      my wife has cheated on me twice with the same guy and the way i found out was catching her text in garden while smoking and to top it the guys names in her phone was donna !
      yes really did cut me up heart broken and never could be leave she would have done such a dirty think to myself as we have been married 23yrs .
      she has far as im aware so far told me every think and regrets all of it but let me tell you this im really struggling to accept her mistake as we are happily married least think so !
      she never came to me in the first place before this happen so im not sure what the hell to do and have even gone to the extreme of tracking my car .
      she has ask me for fresh start and just to forget it happen !
      not that easy for me as im not the guilty one here and ive even gone to the extreme of locating where the guy lives and he is single with nothink to lose where as my wife put every think on the line and it bloody hearts.
      the guy knows i found out there secret and me being me will make sure he looks over his shoulder for LONG TIME .scum bag
      love my wife to the moon and back and have given her a chance to save our marriage so hope im doing the right thing .

      regards shane

      • tony says:

        No my brother she is going to walk out on you if that guy is single, she is madly in love with that guy…but she don’t know how to leave u yet. They r having sex without u know…i’v been there..,She is going to set u up in a quarell for you to hit her then put a restraining order on u… then divorce u…..and the guy is in the lime light now…Get proff on her cheating…u alone book a flight for a weekend to some other state… and spy on her …u will get all the proff my boy…good luck!

    • Eric says:

      You messed up big. Telling him he can pay you back in the same way is not going to pay that back and restore the trust that was broken. What you did was the biggest betrayal of a married couple. He may have forgiven you, but no matter what happens, in the back of his mind he will always know that you have no respect for him or your family. He now knows what you are capable of. The only thing you can do is be a good wife, do everything you can to rebuild the trust and the heart you broke. If you want the marriage to work, you will have to deal with his hurt, most likely for quite some time. Quit looking for a quick fix, and deal with what you have done. Just my opinion.

    • Danny Billinglsley says:

      You can’t help him. . . you just ripped something out of him that you will never put back. . . don’t even try. Hope it was worth a 15 second orgasm. . . .if you even had one. Say goodbye to the husband you knew. . . . .

      • Stoob says:

        The latest psych research suggests that marital infidelity can actually produce a form of PTSD. I know I am not the same. I hate her for doing this to me and our kids. She makes it worse by blaming me for being nasty to her when I catch her on the same old apps. The issue becomes complex. PTiD sufferers will often see the same begaviors, whether their spouse is actually cheating again or not (complete loss of trust). We have fits of rage, anxiety attacks, mood swings, revenge fantasies and paranoia (amongst other things). Bottom line, it changed me from being a kind hearted, compassionate and fun-loving person, to being whatever the fuck this is that I am trying to communicate. It’s devastatingly horrible!! :'(

        • Matt says:

          This shot turned me into a monster.. A monster living every single day feeling like I am in last place because I’m not as good as the men I SAW her 28th.. Thats right they were kind enough to film it and put it online for me to run into while being told “itvwasnt like that. I hate that I love her.

    • DJ says:

      Jessica, wow, you are actually sorry, and want to improve things with your husband. Doesn’t sound like you are a Player-Cheater. Your reasons might be because you were looking for a replacement? or Just made a mistake and it sorta just happened. At least you had the self esteem to reveal the truth and not be “passive aggressive” or find fault to blame hime. If you want your husband to be strong again and be the man you want, give him direct hints (I know that’s hard to do, ’cause women are emotional, not really logical) give him direct hints on what “turns you on” like confidence, self-control, being mysterious and the leader with a purpose you want hime to be.
      For you, abolish the idea that you solve your problem with bottomless needs by looking for a replacement and just OPEN UP and tell him in a mature way; no raising voices, get it all off your chest, then you’ll feel a whole lot better.
      My wife of 15+ years cannot do that, she’s too far in her masculine self wants power and freaks if she’s not the leader. She’s a Narcissist and is opinionated to the extreme, selfish, etc. We have 2 kids in this transactional marriage and she avoids intimacy or any initiation that she used to have. I am preparing to leave her because I don’t want that kind of person.
      You don’t sound like that, so good luck to you.

  16. Marilyn says:

    I’m a wife, and have a serious dilemma. I need help from you guys, and really don’t need judgement…just advice. Please remember, that I am an imperfect human being like all others. I have been cheated on in my life, and I have also been on the other side of things, and have cheated. I have only been married to my husband for 1 year (together for 4). No kids. Let me start off with a little background on our relationship: We met at work 5 years ago, were just friends at first, (he had a girlfriend) I was single. We were attracted to eachother and found one another interesting and sweet. He played guitar, which is a big turn on for me, and we shared an interest in classic rock. We developed feelings for each other, and he ended up hanging out with me on a few occasions (but I found out a few times that he’d been lying to his gf about hanging out with me…said he was with “John”.) I didn’t like that…and neither did he, but they weren’t serious and were on the rocks. He eventually cheated on her with me (not sex, but other things.) He felt beyond guilty about it and told me what he did was wrong. I felt like more of an ass than he… The two of them eventutally had a mutual breakup. She wasn’t dumb and knew he had feelings for me. He never told her her cheated though. He is and always has been crazy about me. I don’t know that I’ve ever been in love with or crazy about him at all. I mean, I find him fairly attractive and things in the bedroom were amazing in the beginning, but have completely fizzled. He’s not “bad boy” enough for me, I don’t think. He is SUCH a GOOD guy…a Mama’s boy and family guy…very christian (ironically) whereas, I believe in God, but am not a hugs church person. Wasn’t raised that way. He hates gays, I am accepting of them…he’s not sure about about kids…I am more than sure that I want a large family. Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake and married him for the wrong reasons; because he’s a good guy..honest, sweet, loving and faithful…and he has a great family, a bachelor’s degree, and I wanted a family. Now I’ve found that i haven’t been happy with him for a long time, and when I try and communicate that with him he ignores me. He refuses to communicate. We share no interests, whatsoever and have very few similar values. What happened here?? I want a new tattoo (he tells me absolutely not), I have 3 and its just who I am. I also live motorcycles and guys who ride them…I would like my own pink motorcycle one day. He hates them and tells me know.
    I cheated on him 3 times since we’ve been married. I’m not a WHORE or a SLUT, like some of you would assume automatically. There is a double standard- the one where if the guy sleeps with 3 different people while he’s married, its alright, but the woman is a whore. YES, there were 3 different men. (all friends of mine, and one was also married). They were all one time deals- 1 was somewhat worth it, as far as sastisfaction goes, and the other 2 were completely NOT worth it. Let me just say that, I wouldn’t even have planned on telling my hubby if I thought our relationship was going well, or we were both happy people. It would just hurt him more than anything and he doesn’t deserve that—though i know I’ll probably end up telling him–he deserves to know why I’ve been so off. We are going to counseling next week and are currently serparated bc he has anger issues that result from his job. He tried to strangle my cat bc he was meowing too much…this isn’t okay. Obviously, these things with him are compeltely separate from what I’ve done. I’m just not happy still..not in love with him, not excited, i don’t miss him that much…I feel numb and emotionless which is 110% unlike me. I feel like all I want to do is be myself…be happy. HE deserves way better than me, and deserves nothing more than happiness as well. I’m just confused as to what I should do here…should I tell him about all three incidents and leave (let him leave me), start over on my own…by myself… let him find happiness with someone who’s worthy of his love and affection? Should I try and work on our marriage and get to the bottom of my self esteem issues and happiness issues? See if he can ultimately make me happy, and try and make or marriage work? What if later down the rd, I’m still unhappy and end up feeling the need to temporarily fulfill myself with momentary “happiness” with another man again? I’m lost….

    • Michael says:

      Maryland why would you want to inform your husband about your infidelity only one reason for that if he doesn’t already know it to make yourself feel better. to help clear the guilt out of your own head that you put their nobody else it’s nobody else’s fault you cheated not once not twice but three f****** time. so on the way I see it you can either go to counseling get this s*** worked out and figure out why you’re doing this or you can leave them and let him be and f****** divorce um and you leave

      • chad says:

        My wife cheated on me with a guy from work says it wasn’t what she wanted they had sex over 10 times. Said I wasn’t there emotionally for her and he was its been going on for 7 months she said she confessed to him that she likes him to get over him just recently and that she wants and loves me and would do anything to get me back even by allowing me to view all her texts so I can see them on my phone but I still don’t believe that it can work and don’t know what to do

    • Craig H says:

      First, he’s not a good guy if he strangled a cat. There aren’t that many things more unambiguously evil than strangling a cat.

      Second, Noone says it’s fine for a man to sleep with three women while he’s married.

      Third, if you think cheating on him was worth it once, you two should not be in a relationship.

  17. Tim says:

    You sound so much like my wife, I had to respond. I really hope you will commit to your marriage. If you can distinguish between judgement and criticism, and can accept some criticism that may help you, please read on…
    My advice to you would be to tell your husband. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of his issues may even stem from him suspecting something already. However, it sounds like he’s got issues that would make the timing of your confession pretty vital.
    I see your dilemma as this…you don’t want to hurt him, so you keep the secret to yourself, and the guilt builds up inside of you. If you stay with him like this, you won’t be happy. You leave him without telling him, thinking he deserves better…and you never faced the guilt. You telling yourself and others that he deserves better than you so maybe you should just let him go – seems to me to be another coping mechanism to try to face the guilt yourself, believing it’s the right thing to do to let him go on without you. Problem is, he doesn’t see it that way. If he felt he “deserved better” he wouldn’t have married you. I don’t know what to say about the “never being in love with him or crazy about him” and not knowing why you married him. My wife is saying the same things about me right now. That seems to me to be more coping mechanisms to deal with the guilt of cheating. It’s a lot easier to say it was a mistake to get married than to say “I’ve cheated.” This is a sidenote, and sorry I didn’t feel like posting a separate answer, but if Jessica above happens to read this…suggesting your husband cheat on you to try to make yourself feel better is probably not going to fix anything, most likely make things worse. As far as not having things in common with your husband (motorcycles, tattoos, etc.)…try googling “I have nothing in common with my spouse.” You ain’t alone. Communication – I’m willing to bet most couples could say they wish they could communicate better. I’m rambling. I highly suggest you seek out a marriage counselor, even if you go by yourself at first. If you sit in limbo trying to decide what to do next while remaining unhappy, you will cheat again, and every time you do, you won’t feel as guilty as the time before…but eventually you’ll find yourself not being satisfied or momentarily happy with that – and then you’ll really be in an emotional wreck. I know it is extremely hard for you to fathom coming out and telling him, and you don’t want to devastate him…but, I’m one of the ones who had to find out on my own – and I really wish she would have respected me enough to come out and tell me herself. It is devastating either way. Don’t underestimate forgiveness. I hope it works out for you.

    • Br says:

      My problem with my wife started in 1985. Four days out of the navy. She had been living with my parents for six months awaiting my discharge. My father wanted me to reenlist, but after not having leave or R and R for three and a half years and being kept on duty for 106 hours straight in a refit, I was sort of a mess, I was Diagnosed with exhaustive paranoia, Today it one of the PTSD symptoms, when I arrived home I was met not by my wife or any other family member but by a note on the door directing me to the sofa, I had been driving a rented Horizon.
      But I did s the note instructed. at seven AM my father grabed the sheet and dumped me on the floor and started screaming I had to get into HR by 0800. I was planning to use my grace period to get a honey moon, get moved in to a new place, and just rest, I did note my wife that morning, she had been instructed to stay in her room with the door locked by my father, he said I did not need her distracting me, so I went into HR. Had to go to work that evening on second shift. On second shift I was High senority I had more than 60% of the work force because had been on a military leave for five years and add the three years I had before I left that gave me 8 years, Many people however thought I should start from scratch including father, But I went strictly by the contract, the second night I put my bump in for day shift. I worked until our thee next morning and again was yanked out at 7:00. My father started screaming again just like the last two days, I had spent the previous day with my wife looking at houses and apartments, That made him mad and he said you don’t need her along to distract you she will like what you pick. my mother difiused the situation when she asked when I had something to eat last It was seven days before, on the boat before I discharged. My mother said I was not going anywhere until I ate. My father stormed out the door yelling he does not have time for filling his stomach, My wife went home hunting with me but was very distant. I asked what the matter was and she said I just have not seen you in three and a half years, Just a little uncomfortable. That night I put my bump in. I did nt know who I was bumping but it turned out to be a pretty blond single mother several doors down from my fathers house When she found out she ran straight to my father and cried on his shoulder about how bad she needed days for her daughter. . I barely laid my head down the next morning when he landed in the middle of me yelling Iwas already causing trouble and my wife was there. he turned to her and told her you better get him under control, My wife told me at that point that until I proved I would not cause trouble and compromise we would live in the same house but would not live married. I went without for 31 years, My wife being bi polar was assigned as a guardianship making a divorce impossible. Her mother would not take it and her father is dead. So I was left stuck. After awhile when I tried to take a holiday off over some younger person My father would even point a shotgun at me to force me into work. This years Memorial day was the first holiday at home in since 1978, and he came over steaming saying we have traditions you would not understand so you have to leave until you are called home. I said my house my food and my equipment so take a flying leap. As far as my wife is concerned I found her in an affair last year, the man she was with tried to humiliate me in my own home, He paid in a bad way and I was placed in anger management, I went home two weeks latter and found her getting ready to go to a political dinner with a friend of my fathers. I had enough I said you are my wife and there is a 31 year note due tonight, she took off for the door and I kept the dress. She said I will meet you anywhere, after the event and we will talk but I said the note is due now, She begged not like this. It did not matter. The man came and tried to force his way in, I through him into the drive face first. right in front of my father and mother as they arrived. My father was livid but took his friend to an urgent care. My mother went to my wife and started to get the story of the last 31 years.
      One of the traditions that I would not understand was the assigning of an escort to my wife for after dinner drinks, it was the guy that hit the drive last year. when my father said lets get going he stepped up to take my wife, my father told me the reservations were set and I might have forced my own home invitation but I would not force this. I told the man that if he di not scram he was going to need another ride to the ER to remove his arm from his rear. I turned to my father and said that leaves you one short now doesn’t it. e said I am really tired of you thinking you have rights, I will not take any more lip from you and you will not be rude to any more of my friends and he slapped me, He broke two fingers and I returned the nice favor with a backhand sending him skidding down the kitchen on his rear. I we with my wife. My mother learned the whole story and is rally on his and my wife’s butt. My father said te fourth is not going to be like this. I found out he was planning to remove me from my house and strand me 30 miles away. The sheriff knows and I inform my father the first person that lays a hand on me to force me out of my house I will break his neck on the spot.
      I have been asked to find out what others think about my situation, my councilor asked me to do this. How would you react?

  18. Julio. says:

    HEllo Guys.
    Thank you for writing your stories, it has helped me open my eyes a lot. I found my exgf (now) of 3 years sleeping with another guy. I know she is not my wife , no kids but the pain still tremendous. Of course at beginning she denied it.. she still wont admit it. She keeps on lying because she is just trashy like that. When i caught them , the guy attacked me and split my eye. I pressed charges and got him arrested. She is now trying to press charges on me for Burglary (wtf) and trying to manipulate me so i drop the charges. but it is not going happened . He fucked up my eye i will fuck up his criminal background. He is a martial arts instructor and he also got caught with drugs the day of the arrest. i will take it as far as i can.

    Now i just feel sad. i feel betrayed by my love and my best friend. for a minute i thought about forgiving her, but i really cant. She hasn’t even apologized. I know what i have to do. I actually got a new GF, but i can only think about my ex and the situation. I think with time it will heal. The only thing i can think right now its to focus on my self , to become the best person i can. to have fun with my new GF … and hopefully one day she will realize what a dumb ass she was by doing that to me…

    I want her to regret it, i want her to beg on her knees…
    Also reading this stories had scared the crap out of me. im 30 now and i dont think i wanna have a wife or kids.

    Thanks to the creator of the site. it helps people like us to deal with the pain.

    • max says:

      I’m sorry to hear your matters it pains me that you had to go through that. I wish you all the best and know people out there still care for you. I have my own situations going on but not nearly as bad as yours and couldn’t imagine how you feel. I want you to know your story helped me during my own pain and turmoil.

  19. Thomas says:

    Well, my wife and I married for 14 years..we have 5 kids and I thought I was doing all and more to keep her satisfied until I caught her and a fellow employee In his car. My first thought was to go up and end it all, but being a man of God… and told by my brothers it wasn’t worth it…I backed off. I waited until our counseling day to let the cat out of the bag. How I held it in is all done by my Father in heaven..but she acted like nothing was wrong she did…and eventhough we talked it kept going on. Got a phone call from a friend in another part of the city who called me…why was I shocked..I guess because I was feeling they would stop…wrong..a friend was also hurt in the process who was supposed to be going out with him. So he lied to her as well…she ends up getting pregnant..and this s ux..after our last child I get fixed thinking now we can enjoy our life…again I was wrong…its hard…we still live together but in separate rooms…because I feel my children are the most important thing right and I thank Jesus for not letting me go crazy…she understands what she did was wrong and I even went to the guys job and face-to-face told him I forgive him too…only Christ could have control of me in this matter…because we guys know what we wanted to do. Its not the child’s fault, so I would never be mean or blame him…but I don’t think right now I could be the husband she wants…only another baby’s daddy…I pray for God to help us all…we are not given manuals on being spouses or parents…we can only go by God’s word…don’t want to sound all religious…but if I had known I would have definitely changed some things…if you’re not going to be down with someone…don’t take the next step..but then you ask yourself. .how would you know! Seek God!..bless you all.

    • Al says:

      I know how you feel. My wife got pregnant by a co woker she fell in love with when we were having issues. I moved out at first but cane back and was willing to take her back for the sake of our two girls, but she flat out told me that no matter what she would not stop seeing him. I told her to leave our home. She took our two girls with her. They guy set her up in an apt. We have been serparated for 7 years now. They have a little girl. They still work together and are still together after all this time. I was praying and hoping that thier relationship would fall apart so we would have a chance. I still confused as what to do. I still love her. We were married 17 years up to that point. I can’t afford a divorce or child support/ alimony. I was considering asking her to come back home and just to have her near me but knowing that she would still be seeing him. I know it doesn’t make any sense. I just havn’t been able to let go.

    • Gary says:

      Thomas, I am right there with you my friend.. I am horrified at all of these post of folks who got betrayed… I am praying the God will heal all of them.. Yes I am too trying to get through this… I heard the Lord say to me.. let he who is with out sin let him cast the first stone…. I am like.. that story was about a woman caught in adultery…. and I also hear God saying… come to me all of you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest….
      My wife was perfect and pure… and the enemy got in and tried to cause all of this pain and suffering…. my wife is really sorry and want to stay with me.. but trust is an issue now… now I need to forgive…

  20. john says:

    Well my wife does not know i know that she cheated.
    I dont want to tell her afraid of losing her.
    She cheated with different guys .at work and old school friends.
    Well i dont know what to do. but you sound exact like her.
    Im very hurt over it everytime i find out she does .
    A few tines i confronted her that somebody had seen her.
    Then suddenly it stops for a while.but then after few months she got someone else.
    I’m at the point to step out but i got no where to go.
    Moved here 7 years ago . The friends we have are all hers because she was living here.
    I left everything behind in my old life to be with her.
    Feels like im stuck here .
    But i know it cant go on like this . It breaks me down.
    Then knowing she came out a mariage that shevwas cheated on.
    And divorced over it.
    I love her with all my heart.
    But i dont deserve to be treated like this.
    Should i tell my wife i know almost everything.
    One of her coworkers keep me updated what she all .
    He is able to get in her email. So i know.
    Then i try to look in her phone from time to time.
    But she got a password on it now.

  21. Jeff says:

    I have been through pure hell and back over and over again the last 4 years of my marriage. My wife and I have 7 kids and I’m stuck in a spot cause I can’t hurt them and don’t want to split our family up. My wife started cheating on me 4 years ago with my 2 so called best friends. She had sex with them right in front of my 1 year old at that time, at home and in her van with my son in his car seat. She also had both of them at my house with my youngest son and my 4 year old at that time and told him that they were there to fix our master bath but our house was brand new and nothing needed fixed. He still to this day asks me about the guys coming to fix our bathroom and my wife calls him a liar and that he doesn’t know what he is talking about. It went on for 2 years that I had thought up until I started gettint pictures anr letters sent to my work of very detailed information that they could not know unless they were in my house. I asked my wife she said they must haved bugged our house and have been snooping around outside and some more stupid ass bullshit. Then recently someone had left a dvd in our mailbox and it was my wife and one of the guys and the other had to be filming it. I confronted her about that she had 3 different stories. First it wasn’t her of course but anyone could see plain as day it was so then she changed her story to somebody made that video its not real they put me in there and made it look like I was doing that. Um what the fuck ever. Then the last thing she comes up with is that it was me in the video with her. I set her straight on that because I don’t have black hair and my body was not like the one on there and my male parts well lets just say that was a horse and I’m not a horse. I have been through so much that the anger is taking over and I am afraid of hurting them or her. I can control it for the most part by working out and taking off some of the edge but that doesn’t last forever. I need to do somethint to put an end to this as soon as possible before I snap.

    • Steven says:

      I here you I’m fucking flipping out inside and I’m scared of what I might do but what stops me is if I do something what happens to my boys they did nothing wrong she did hopefully that help good luck

  22. Munroe says:

    Found out three weeks ago my wife has had two affairs. Both resulted in children that are not mine but was led to believe they were mine.3 year old and 3 month old.
    Caught her texting a guy friend of mine, took her phone and the rest is history.
    We have been seeing our pastor and marriage counselor. She has PTSD from childhood and has been depressed most if her life….still no excuse to do what she did, she still had a choice to make. Staying with her for our family and praying for healing in our marriage.

  23. sara says:

    Ok. I cheated. Me. The wife. I cheated twice with a female that we have to see ( my sister in law) I hate myself for it. I came clean and told him and he forgave me so quick. I knonow I did it because I spent 2 1/2 asking him to please come home from the bar. This doesn’t make it right, and we’ve been talking and he has stayed away from bars, but it has come out that he kissed a couple girls when he was out. I had to pry that out of him, so I believe there is more, but I really don’t care, I cannot forgive myself. It seems like such a copout to say ‘ I was hurting and drunk’ but I was, however I refuse to accept that, and I can’t heal. 11 months and I’m still crying every day… How does it stop?? And how unfair is it for me to cry. I shouldnt get to cry. I’m the bad one… Ijust feel like crap, and then I feel like more crap because I don’t deserve to feel sorry for myself

  24. sara says:

    My comment above its know now and 2 1/2 years. I dunno why I posted this. He forgave me, why won’t I forgive myself?? I’m not even mad at him for the 2 1/2 years of pain he caused me, because I know that the pain I caused him was worse. He doesn’t like talking about it, so I have to deal alone, but I understand he has pain from it. I just wish I could have stayed stronger, I feel so stupid. Allowing myself to become weak and vulnerable

  25. Maniac says:

    Wife and I have been married for 7 years. We started dating 20 years ago when we were in college. We have one child (13 months old).

    She has been ‘close friends’ with a male co-worker for about 2 years. I told her I didn’t like it and she always got mad at me for saying so. Now, after being home for a year due to the baby, I noticed she was constantly text messaging this guy. Every day. She also met him a few times throughout the year (that I know about). I decide to finally have her followed and they were found ‘fooling around’ in her car. So I confronted her. She says they have been fooling around, kissing, and touching eachother for about 9 months, but no sex. (apparently she didn’t want to ‘cross the line’)

    Am I dumb? Do I really think they have been folling around for 9 months without sex?

    Now she admits she had sex with another man before we got married (while we were dating and talking about marriage). She had a relationship with him for about 3 years on and off while she was dating me. Then we got engaged, and apparently it stopped with the other guy because she was happy about our relationship.

    My world is shattered. This is the person I’ve trusted for the past 20 years of my life (I’m 38). Why did she marry me 7 years ago? Why did we have a child 1 year ago?

    As much as I might love her (or am I just use to her?) and I may want to work this out, I feel like a complete moron that she has now done this twice. I wonder every day if I stay with her will she just keep doing the same thing in the future. But I’m so sad to think of raising a child in a divorce.

    And yes, I’m angry too that I’ve been ‘good’ for 20 years even though I had a lot of chances to enjoy myself with other woman. Yet I always said no. Even during my sexual prime.

    What a mess.
    Humans really know how to hurt one another.
    I can’t even describe the pain I feel from the betrayal.
    I can’t even describe how sick I feel when I picture her with the old guy or the new guy. Wow.

  26. Hi guys,

    my name is Victor St. Louis, and I used Kevin Jackson’s, “Survive Her Affair” resource back when my wife cheated. Though she didn’t want to reconcile, Kevin’s materials really helped me. I am trying to establish a similar support group for men in the Atlantic region of Canada, but I’d welcome your comments to my blog posted above.

    Remember, there is LIFE after the affair.

    Victor St. Louis
    The Unfaithful Wife

    • Saxon says:

      I know how you feel, my wife and I have been married for 6 years and together for 9. We got married at 18 and have two beautiful children. I found out that she has been having an emotional and physical affair. She said there was no sex only oral, she said he has not touched her in any way sexually. I had the up most trust in her, she was a good girl and I thought she would never do anything like that ever. The only reason I found out about it is because luckily our iPhones iCloud was synced and somehow I started receiving her text messages. It was so hurtful and devastating what I was receiving, like I love you and they were calling each other baby. So naturally I investigated further to reveal that she was calling him her king and shit like that. They were even planning to have sex while this dude girlfriend was in the hospital having his second child. Piece of shit I know. This guy was a co-worker and my wife claims they were just best friends, again I trusted my wife with everything. After I confronted her with all the evidence she still acted like nothing happened, that she was just showing affection. I had to ask if she was having an affair. She reluctantly said yes, and went into detail on how and defended against ever having sex with the guy, in which I do believe. Later on I saw the text in which they where planning on the sex. After the confrontation, she said she was not emotionaly connected with me, that she had missed out on her youth, ie, going out partying and sleeping with random guys. I cannot blame her for this, every guy even myself has had fantasies. I will say I was not 100 percent faithful either, before we got married I cheated on her with one of my best friends girlfriends. She said she forgave me for this. That’s why I, after about a week, forgave her. What hurts me the most is that she said blantantly that she is kinda glad that I’m going through what she went through. She says she loves me dearly and that she just needs an emotional connection, someone who care and listens without judgement. I admit, I was a disconnected guy. When she would try and share, I would tell her to get over it and that life sucks, I would make fun of her when she cried. It’s no wonder she would eventually seek attention else where. I know it was her actions that she conciounsly made, but my inability to show emotion and share my feelings is what ultamilty led to the infidelity. It was a 50/50 mistake. I am an emotional wreck now because of it. She said she’s torn between staying and going, that she just wants to have fun without any consequences. I get that I do, but we are married with two children, a mortgage, car payments, and other loans. We do not have that luxury any more, how do you get that through a woman’s head. I have changed my behavior drastically. I am very open now with my emotions and feelings, however, when I share them she just gets mad and sometimes she just shuts down. I really just want to hurt, mame, kill, or humiliate the bastard she was with, but I know that will only make things worse. To add insult to injury, she says she will end up hating me if I make her cut all communication off with this man. How do I take that? Can I trust her to be just friends with the guy she sucked off and almost had sex with? I don’t know what to do, I love this woman with everything that I have and our children too. I know I do not want to leave, and she has agreed to stay with me and work things out. We have already talked about a lot of shit, and made the transparent promise, to not hide anything and be open. I just do not want to leave her and I damn sure so not want her to leave me. Of course I have the usual feelings and emotions I have read about such as the feeling of self worth, inadequcies, lost, angry, devastated. I’m usually good about my emotions but latley, hell no. I’m ready to snap on the first person who tries me.

  27. Dear John says:

    I went to this website because I realized that how deeply damaged I still am from my divorce over twenty years ago precipitated my my wife’s infidelity. That experience has left lasting psychological scars that I have not been able to heal. I would like to share my story for the benefit of other men who are in the grip of a recent discovery of their wife’s infidelity. I made some bad mistakes in the immediate aftermath of that experience that I would like to help other guys not repeat. I don’t know how many people actually read this site, but if I get a positive response, I will share my sorry story for the benefit of my brothers.
    Dear John

  28. ryan says:

    Been with my wife for 11 yrs she cheated on me once in 2008 and I ve seen her yahoo email over the past couple years and had some sexually emails she cried and I forgave her and last month she camr home with a hicky on her neck she told me the guy through hisself on her and she tried to stop him and I forgave her but u don’t trust her at all is it time to part ways the only reson I’m still with her is my kids I hate feeling like this not being able to trust someone that you supppose to love

    • Henry says:

      hi Ryan,
      i am totally agree with you. i can’t imagine myself getting older with someone i trust my life with. on the other side, i always try to give her a proper life so that she live her life happily.

      my wife cheated on me since 2009, and i caught her 5 times already, but i never stop wondering how long this would last. the only survival thing i know right now is to be strong for my daughter, and how to make my self happy again.

      cheers, brother!

  29. Winston says:

    Been with my wife for 8 years, found out this past June that she had cheated on me 3 or 4 years prior to telling me. She told me it was a one time thing and that she didn’t even let the guy finish. She told me once they started she made him stop because she felt so bad about what she was doing. She said the only reason it even got to that point was because she just wanted to feel love which I can say I was very distant at the time it happened . I have since moved on from the whole thing and gotten back with her. Our marriage so far is better than it has been in years. It will take time for my trust to fully come back, but it will I believe.

  30. Steven says:

    These stories have helped today. Thank you all for sharing. I guess I should as well. We’ve been married 5 years (together for 10 since high school). We have a beautiful 4yr old. Same old song. I love her and our child too much to give up so easily. He had hired her to do some work.. They would go to foreclosure and work on them by themselves. I expressed my concern instantly. I don’t feel it’s right for a married person to be at a location alone with someone else, but I had just lost my job and we needed money. She was cheating within two months of me losing my job. She had sworn to me that there would be no issues with this guy. I found out she had called me while meaning to call him and said something she shouldn’t have… I believed her lies for a year and a half. I really believed her. But less than a month ago I got a message from this guy’s brother’s baby’s mama who is now preg with his. (My wife knows how to pick em)(makes me look at myself a little worse).

    Either way I don’t want to cheat. I want to be the bigger person. Like someone else said earlier, the first week after I found out was one of the best times in our marriage. But three weeks later and I’m going insane. I know no tangible person can help, so I’m just going to keep on and try to trust her again. Btw it had been so long since her actual affair, she stopped thinking about it a while ago, so now that it’s been brought back up I feel like she wants to get back to forgetting. But I can’t forgive because i know I’m not ready to forget..

    Thanks for having a space for us to vent.

  31. guy says:

    I quickly witjout thinking of my son went for divorce but now she is pretty much at my doorstep asking for forgivness and how sorry she is and how much she misses me and our family. The same day she startes talking forgivness the lawyer called me to come in and sign so she could be served but now i dont know what to do.

  32. RJ says:

    Wow… the world really is wild… wife’s cheating on their husbands with husbands if other wifes and boyfriends of some other girl… crazy.

    Even comments on this blog just goes on and on proving that this thing really never stops.

    I found out about my wife’s infidelity back in june of 2012… and I’m still having a real hard time deciding to leave her or not. Maybe its because of moral values or because I don’t want our daughter to experience a broken family. I’ve been looking for guts and enough reasons to leave but I just can’t. I’m not happy. I think I don’t love her anymore coz everytime we spend time together, I notice all the bad things I don’t like about her…. so many things…

    With all that’s happening with most of the girls these days… it really makes me think that we shouldn’t rreally marry or stay with someone anymore. It really sounds bad and hopeless… but I pray that I’m wrong and there are still people out there who are loyal and God fearing.

    What Kevin Jackson said about going into relationships only after you have left or separated is the right thing to do. Ans I believe that. But after I wrestle through the emotional tortures of deciding wheter to stay or not, the next hard part is… going into the next relationahip… and removing all doubt that the next one is still capable of doing that…

  33. mw says:

    my wife of 8 years cheated on me with a guy thats married and was his mistress of 2 years when i met her, they supposedly had no contact for 5 yrs of our marriage and came into contact with him. the affair started up and lasted 3 years. i found all the call on her cell phone. they were in contact by email text and and phone. talked a few times a month. she said she was trying to end it when i found out. i just happened to find out the last time she met him? hard to beleive. and she met him in another city on what was supposedly when she told him no more contact. we have kids and shes begged my forgiveness. i feel like she hasnt come clean with everything yet and its been a year. i dont know what to do at this point

  34. Matt says:

    Same with me fellas. While looking for a pic on the wife’s phone I found sexual texts from a former coworker. She said she called him on it and it was nothing. She had been telling everyone of her upcoming trip to Boise to see an old relative. The day shes leaving I see her flight info on the I pad because she didn’t close the page duh? The flight plan was to Sioux Falls SD where Mr Wonderful resides not Boise like I had heard for the last 3 months? I got real pissed then calmed down but she went anyways for 4 days. The next day I was opening a new business I started plus i had our 3 year old son and 5 year old daughter to take care of but I made it and am very proud of myself for that! Other wise it was the worst feeling of my life. Worse than the passing of both my parents whom I loved dearly. Anyways I do love her after 11 years and 8 married and forgiveness is not easy but I have and I don’t want my kids lives to be screwed up. Anyways when she came back home I could tell she was feeling real guilty and she told me everything. She was still texting him for the next week then I text him “To stop messing with my WIFE and to leave her alone which he has for 3 weeks now as well as saying some classless things about her but it is what it is and at least he lives 1000+ miles away. This really pissed her off but I am SOOO glad I told the dirt bag to stop it. We have done a lot of soul searching and have started to see a counselor which helps get the truth and feelings out. Our friendship is almost back but I still hurt and get pissed daily as this really sucked!!! Sometimes we as husbands have to look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves about how we treat our wives as well because unless your wife is a sex addict, there is something we as husbands are doing wrong too. So admit that to her and she’ll fess up to you and respect your honesty and you’ll start to gain some respect back for her to. I may be lucky in that I was the only man my wife had been with before this and I had had many partners over the years before I met her so I know it was a bad experience for her with the other guy because of what she has disclosed but it still hurts me the same as it would if she had dozens of lovers before we met. But I see light at the end of the tunnel and being able to talk in depth with each other has helped us both. That and telling the other guy to stop. A good counselor has helped us to. But the trust is the hard one to rebuild and will be for years to come I feel. But most importantly think of you and your kids first. Then decide if forgiveness is in the cards. May GOD BLESS all you guys going though this same BS as me.

  35. Mike says:

    My brother just got this handed to him by his wife. He is a wreck right now. I want to look out for him, so he doesnt get screwed. What Can I do?

  36. Alan says:

    I met this woman in high school. We dated for 4 years and were married in 1988.
    In 2004 she started an affair with a guy I knew on line than told me she had a one night stand with him. I found most of this affair on her computer. I forgave her and we moved on. In the summer of 2013 and over two months around our 25th anv. She started another on line affair sharing pics of sexual nature with another dude.
    She says it’s over, but still has strong feeling for this guy.
    What to do?

  37. Dear John says:

    The First Premonition

    Thank you, Mr. Jackson, for offering this great service for men who are going through the profound grieving that a man endures when he first realizes that the woman he loves, who he trusts with his heart and shares his life and wealth, has broken that bond of trust at the most fundamental level by engaging in sex with another man. It is such a profound and life-changing event that he will never be the same as before. I wish that I had this kind of resource when my first marriage ended through my wife’s infidelity.

    I could not talk to anyone about my personal tragedy, because it was so shameful to me. If I had a good female friend at the time, I might have been able to share my pain with her. I would never discuss my secret shame with another man, because I would rather suffer alone than admit to such a profound failure in the most intimate chamber of my life, which would reduce me in their eyes in a way that was simply not acceptable to my pride as a man.

    Reading the stories of the other men in this forum, and reading your book, I have started a process of healing from this deep psychic wound. Because I lacked any outlet to share my sorrow, I turned in on myself and nearly died over the next couple of years after the divorce. I went from being a healthy, happy, holy man to a bitter, angry, reclusive loser who went straight to the bottom in a frenzy of excessive drink and use of hard drugs to ease my pain. I eventually ended up homeless and penniless, wandering the streets like a hungry ghost and sleeping in bushes at the edge of Santa Cruz, California which I fled to from my home state of Arizona to get away from anyone in my home town who might have heard of my public humiliation at the hands of another man. I’m older and wiser now, but I paid a high price for not dealing with my problem in a more mature manner. I am writing this to help other guys who might fall into the well of despair that nearly killed me.

    The first premonition that something was amiss in my life occurred at an event at my home in Arizona. I was a full-time student at the local university, where I went back to complete my degree so that I could make more money and get better jobs. My wife worked at a bank, and she developed an interest in journalism and began writing feature stories for newspapers and magazines. She had a talent for writing and I encouraged her to pursue this career path. I was very proud of her success as a writer and pleased that she had found a way to make her own mark on the world.

    She joined a writer’s group which met regularly at different member’s homes. One month it was my wife’s turn to host the writer’s group, so I volunteered to take care of serving the guests. I spent most of the evening in the kitchen, being a good househusband, making drinks and serving food to the guests, so that she could attend to the meeting. (God, I hope that I wasn’t wearing an apron. That would have been the final touch in my ultimate humiliation.) Like much of what happened over the next few months, I have very limited memory of that time. I only recently recovered this memory, which I had blocked from my consciousness to dim the pain.

    I was standing in the doorway from the kitchen, listening to the meeting, ready to serve drinks to anyone who requested it. I went back into the kitchen, and came back out to hear a woman from the group say something about “your boyfriend”. I didn’t hear the beginning of the commentary, so I wasn’t sure what she was referring to. As I came around the corner out of the kitchen, my wife leapt up and turned on a very noisy old swamp cooler that drowned the woman out. I was perplexed, and several writers objected to the loud noise. Suddenly, the whole room stopped, and all eyes were on me. Time stood still, and I had the uncomfortable sensation that everyone there knew something that I didn’t know. The room full of faces reflected bemusement, contempt and pity.

    I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and felt like I needed air. I walked out the back door and walked along the arroyo in back of the house for hours. They could make their own damn drinks. I needed to get out of the house. I eventually rationalized to myself that I was misconstruing a random remark, but I couldn’t get over the long, strange look I got from this group of sophisticates. My gut told me that something was wrong, but I overruled it with my mind.

    As it turned out, “her boyfriend” was one of the founding members of the writers group. He had wisely stayed away from this particular meeting, thank God. I never had to see him face to face. From that night forward, I began to suffer from bouts of inexplicable anxiety and prolonged periods of deep and almost debilitating depression. I went to a psychiatrist at the university health services, who prescribed medication that just left me drained of life and really didn’t help at all. Zombified by bad anti-depressant drugs, I lacked the vitality to pay better attention to what was happening right under my nose. In retrospect, that was the first premonition that my wife was having an affair.

  38. Jackie says:

    My wife had an affair in 08 we were pretty happy for a time, I had work though as I’m a doctor we had a nice house and everything, eventually having a son but then she met a man while we were having a barbeque with friends and they chatted it up they flirted for months then she had the affair. I found out because one of my who patients who I invited to the barbeque saw them holding hands leaving a his apartment I confront her and she breaks down crying saying some sh#t that she was feeling unhappy and bored, and that she wanted some attention but she never really said anything or talked about counseling so I can’t trust and filed for separation then divorce. Because I couldn’t take it I would never cheat on her I was faithful do you know how many nurses or girls would come on to me? But I kept my vows divorce was final in 2011 I found a woman who has values nothing serious yet I still visit my daughter to. Now me personally I believe if it took me finding out for her to feel guilt then she wasn’t the same woman I fell in love with.

    • Dr. C says:

      Hey Jackie,
      I am in the same boat. Wife of 9 years files for divorce after a great spring break trip. I was blind-sided. She just says she no longer loves me?? I am also a doctor and have given her everything she has desired including two wonderful boys. After seeing the phone records and putting things together, I caught her at a guys house who is a bum with a criminal record. It makes me sick to think about it. I love this woman more than life itself and would never break my vows. She has no remorse and is giving me the cold shoulder……Any help?

      • Dr J says:

        I’m also a doctor, nephrologist. Married for 11 years and no kids (thank god). My work is demanding, and I’m often called upon outside of usual hours to answer calls etc. my wife felt she was not a priority, felt alone. She would go off to Phoenix to see her family where she would hook up with an exboyfriend. She admitted her affair in marriage counseling. It was going for a few months from what she has said. I’m devastated. We are still friends and she lives at home while she gets ready to move back to Phoenix, which is when we will divorce, 2 weeks and counting. I just want her gone now. My view of relationships and women have changed. I trusted her completely and loved her. I feel that my life will not be the same again.

        I’m moving on after she is out. I’m moving out of this city, state, and putting her as far behind me as I can.

  39. Tone says:

    Boy am I in the right place.
    My wife’s affair started 3 years ago and progressed from physical to emotional to weekends with him, like this weekend.
    Married 17 years, two young children, and I have cancer. Over a year now. You’d think it would slow her down, but no, business as usual.. I think she is loosing it, I’ll spare you the details of her text to each other, over 200 a day, plus the swingers bars, the strap on and other toys.
    Apparently she wants to be happy.
    I told her that happy is not a place it’s a mindset. And happiness and pleasure are two different things.
    She is trying to break up with him, but it’s hard , she has to spare. His feelings, unlike mine.
    All I can think about is my kids and not make any hasty decisions, which I’m too tired for cause I have cancer and chemo screws you up.
    So much more but, too tired.
    So no job , can’t work, and afraid to loose my kids.
    Ps. I’m not perfect, I was neglectful, we had rough times, but always I thought we had loyalty.
    Go figure

  40. pat says:

    Thanks for sharing guys, need some advice from my story here – wife cheated with my best friend. He is married too with 2 kids and his wife treats me like a brother. We used to see each other’s family almost every weekend and even our kids are very attached to each other. I had a heart attack 6 months ago, where this man and his family helped us tirelessly and we came even closer in respect and love…..and then along came my parents, who had a huge fight with me and my wife and it all got screwed totally with everyone blaming each other. Obviously my wife felt targeted and blamed me that i did not support her. I caught her when i scanned her phone for messages – as i started to read the msgs to her she panicked and told me that “we have been together for the last 2 months”. Being together means to me “sexually and emotional” but she tells me that it was only emotional support, even though they used to txt shit to each other and other than that he met her a few times as he stays quite far from us and has a very busy family life. Now, she tells me that the family issues was the trigger to get emotional support from this man, with whom she started talking initially and it grew into an affair, where they did sexting, phone calls and having day outs together(which i found out) by calling in sick at work. She says she hasn’t slept with him and they just had an emotional bond, he listened and all that crap plus he wanted us to be together. If I go back I can’t see a single sign from both of them as they were perfectly normal – my friend used to talk everything with me without a blink of an eye, My wife and I were still together physically though we were having disagreements now and then – it was like the perfect bluff.
    She is extremely guilty now and sounds pretty genuine. We have talked about it but she won’t accept the physical part, and she wants me to move on and she will do whatever it takes and will always have me first – we are having a very passionate sex life which we never had before and things look like they are getting normal BUT she has done this twice before in the last 10 years and i am extremely insecure for that reason as i don’t think i will survive another hit. Should i believe her and not try to find the true story by giving her this chance which i am thinking is right for the kids but this could be extremely dangerous for the future as this might be another bluff. Also, what should i do with this friend who has hurt me equally. He has said to his wife that he swears on the life of his kids that he had no feelings. His wife believes him and has told me that my wife had an infatuation and she has made up a story as she is on depression medication and is not mentally stable. None of the above adds up as a story and i am in extreme doubt and fear…..pls help!

    • Brandon says:

      I think you should move on man. I’ve stayed with my wife through her affair and its horrible. It will never be the same. Stand up got yourself and move on. She f’d another dude. Just move on man. I know it’s hard but you’ll get through it. Either that or you never get through it by staying with her

      • Don says:

        I agree! My wife has been on-line with different guys and has been talking with a guy 42 years old married with 2 little kids and is bitching to her about his wife never wanting sex. It turns out his wife just had a baby 6 months old. I told my wife if she does not get off the chat rooms and cut him off we are through by the way she is telling him she is 42 but will be 59 in january. Yes I agree with you!

  41. Kim says:

    Ugh, I took the time to read these posts. I have a dilemma… I am a female, married 19 yrs, and have been quite intoxicated in the past 3 months and have found myself being hit on by two (ex) co-workers along with sleeping with one, which I really don’t remember. I promised myself to never do again (and not tell hubby), but again, recently found myself drinking with this one ex coworker and he came on to me, we kissed. That’s the last straw. I cannot be alone with him.
    Then, went to a bar recently and intoxicated again and made out with some random guy (I suppose I enjoyed the attention. Hubby and I have hit somewhat of a roadblock in the affection category but solid with everything else).
    I am horrible, I know. And, I believe I have a problem with alcohol and limits. Not an excuse, but I would never do any of this when sober. In fact, I am extremely responsible on all levels. I have decided not to tell hubby (to spare him the pain and not to disrupt our children’s lives). He would never do this to me and it hurts tremendously because he trusted me out with these male co-workers without a doubt. The guilt is overwhelming to the point of even contemplating the most unthinkable, but that would be cowardly. My plan going forward – I will make a conscientious effort to show my gratitude to him every day, be more affectionate and talk about things to improve on (intimacy), be aware of my surroundings, and get counseling if I truly cannot stop over indulging with alcohol.

  42. Jack says:

    I just found out today that my wife cheated with a co worker back in the spring. She says she only gave him oral sex a couple of times and that she ended it not long after because she knew it was wrong. I don’t know what to believe at this point. We work in the same office and I needed to get something from her desk drawer and found steamy notes back and forth to each other. I am devasted. This woman is my best friend. She knows everything about me and I thought I knew everything about her too. Apparently not. We have been married for 17 years and I thought everything was great. I don’t know what to do. The range of emotions im going thru right now is insane. I love her more than anything but I’m so humiliated. To top it off about 4 years ago I went thru therapy because I had trust issues. I just can’t believe that someone who knows I’ve had these issues could do this to me.

  43. tomas says:

    I feel angry,hurt and betrayed. I trusted my so much that I never she could do such a thing to me. Today I feel worthless I cant walk tall as a man. To make matters she keeps denies it

  44. JB says:

    I haven’t slept at all today, still up and have to leave for work in 2 hours. My intuition was bang on, all of the classic signs, god she is working out tons! That damn cell phone never leaves her side (and on silent) The sudden upturn in sex and good sex for a couple of months! Followed by a dry spell, a bad mood just before Christmas, a funk, no sex, distance, why is she snapping at me?

    So I ask her exactly that, why are you so mad at me? I don’t giver here enough space, she’s tired, why do I bother her for sex, can’t you see I am tired?

    Cell phone bills, an odd number, a quick bit of research and voila! And the more I dig, the more I find, I even said the guys name to her yesterday morning, deny deny deny, who is that, blah blah blah. I told her I loved her, I just needed to hear it wasn’t true, she half hearted lay said just that, I am crazy it’s all because of me doing this or not doing that, classic deflection.

    Electronic traces, I hate the way we all look a t our phones and IPads BUT electronic traces are dangerous and scary to the un savvy (which my wife is). Check the last number called after I get home, it’s not mine, it’s her work voicemail. Odd on your holidays. Glance at the IPad, fell open to google app, give it a swipe, eBay, men’s shoes and cuff links ordered in October from an account I was unaware of (nothing I would wear I might add), never mind the cuff links have birthstones in them (again not mine) nice gift for Christmas. To know his shoe size and birthday in October means it’s been going on for a bit, so I check her old cell phone (google app) and low and behold there is his name being searched back in September along with searches like carnal knowledge, feral, Madonna who’re complex etc…a name she said yesterday she had never heard. She goes for a massage on December 12, I am at home recovering from knee surgery, I check her phone bill, she was on the phone to this stateside number for 35 min, he calls her back 2 min later, his number is in my city hitting a cell tower here!!!! She flatly denies anything, says it her friend Suzanne from Colorado, and I said well she came all my the way here did you see her? No no of course not.

    IF you feel it, then it is, believe it.

    Guy lives stateside, I am in Canada, I already know a bunch about him, guys supposed to be some god fearing man with a religious following. I have enough info on him to ruin his reputation and family. And I may still.

    Today after work all the evidence gets presented, and I will demand detail. But I will not make any big decisions. Cool.

    • Dear John says:

      JB, dude, you have sack!
      I dig how you busted up her straight-up by being more tech savvy. She never saw you coming. Your narrative was engaged and insightful, and (thankfully), well-written. I wish you the best outcome in your current time of trouble. You’ve earned it.

      Dear John

    • DJ says:

      I had the same excuses from my wife of 16 years, she says, “I need to sleep in on the weekends”, “tired from long work week commuting”. She has these block wall and cold shoulder habits; phone game “StormFall Age of War” on her phone all the time….probably sending messages to her “friend”. Also, has a separate blanket, we sleep in same bed. Goes to the gym a lot and leaves for work many times dressed up in a sexy outfit… the list goes on. I am charging neutral, no “I love you” or needy begging or relationship status checks, just a lot of bantering, playfulness “2 steps forward, 1 step back” touching, occasional kisses, etc. But no initiation and hardly any intimacy from her.I won’t tolerate a plutonic relationship any longer.
      I thought I had proof of the affair with a home-test on her panties with “check-mate” but not 100% on timing the chemical and she never admits it. Better, I don’t know the details, I want no memories to think of her with another man. These signs are enough, I’ve gotta go and get a better relationship. They say a lonely man is healthier than a man suffering from his wife’s infidelity and still with her. My 1st marriage ended this way and after I moved out and never came back, I felt 100x better, especially when I met my future wife. Only thing is 18 years ago, I was the other guy, she was married 10 years, no kids. So I know how she was and now she’s a better version of herself, a better liar. “Once a cheater, always a cheater”… gotta take my own advice and move on. I’ve been there once already and on both sides. We now have 2 kids; teens. That’s what is keeping me from moving. We don’t fight anymore now that I stay centered and strong ; learning to be a 3% man; books from Kevin, Coach Corey and Dr. H and Karen Brody have helped me. Be Strong and Abundant men, “are we not men”?

  45. Ramon says:

    My wife is so unfaithful and everytime we argue about her infidelity she always turn the tables on me, accusing me of cheating and all other shit and what’s worse she’s even inventing scenarios saying I did all that things and I’m a cheater too, but I’m not I swear to God, I’m losing it because I’m living with a psycho but I can’t leave because I got nowhere else to go. FML.

    • Danny Billinglsley says:

      Get away from her dude. . .she will rip you to pieces. Get away. If you have to sleep in a cardboard box under a bridge sir. . . . .get away.

  46. Craig says:

    I need some advice my wife of 2 years went to hang with a guy on my birthday and ended up getting rapped about 4 months back now and she doesn’t think she owes an apology so it makes me think she not remorsful.for going hang with him in the first place if it is true and she did get rapped shouldn’t she be feeling remorse about it and not just try and forget about it Ii mean am i wrong for thinking like this i can’t let it go.i don’t know whether to stay or go please reply back i need help like 4 months ago.

  47. Keith says:

    12/29/2013. Our 23rd wedding anniversary at approximately 4am my wife proceeded to get it on with our neighbors (husband and wife). They were good close friends. No one included me . My wife claims to not remember it claims to remember everything afterwards. This has devastated me shook me to the core and had ripped my guts out. She acts as though I’m the guilty one. I have never cheated on my wife ever and never thought in my wildest dreams she would ever do anything like this. I have always keep a handle on my emotions but I can’t now. I have to be strong for my kids who do not know what happened but want us to work it out. It is killing me I can’t look at her and not see that night. It is almost like a hallucination. Anyone out there who can help me right the ship?

  48. Clark says:

    I caught my wife cheating nearly 1 year ago, kicked her out the hse and got custody off the kid. At the time it hurt like hell but now, she done me the biggest favour, she lost me and only gets visitation with kid. Karma

  49. Adipex-P says:

    I feel like limiting myself from such things as sweets will just make me desire to binge. The one thing I almost completely kicked is my diet coke habit, having said that I do let myself have 16 oz. once or twice a week, but I used to drink it like water. I am losing a few pounds and I am taking my multi-vitamin, but is this sufficient.

  50. Sean says:

    This is the worst day of my life. Today is the day I discovered their secret. He’s an unemployed, older neighbor, and my wife is a stay at home mom with our 3 young kids. This sucks. Can’t sleep, but this article and everyone’s posts have eased my nerves. I’ve been shaking all night. Just like a recent post above, my intuition was spot on, and all the classic signs. Blaming me for her boring life, distant, constantly on Facebook or her phone, which never leaves her side. Maybe ignorance was bliss . . . I don’t know. I used a keylogger on the computer. Shit. Shit. Shit.
    Thanks for all your posts.

  51. Sean says:

    Posted last night, but I think my expletives got me deleted. Married 11.5 years, and just got proof yesterday of her affair. Haven’t slept, can’t eat, shaking like crazy. I’m tech savy, so I have records of online chats. This sucks! Never would I think she’d do it! We have 3 young kids, and my effing heart goes out to them so much. My wife is going through something, and it’s probably permanent. I have to let her go. I have to take the high road. I’ve been under the gun lately because of financial stuff, so she’s been talking serious divorce, but now I know the real reason. This affair isn’t some fling, her heart is for another. Since divorce has been on the table, and it seems it was inevitable ( they’re talking marriage!!!!), I’m not going to out her. I need to think of the kids, and I don’t want them to grow up in a shadow of infidelity, which is how my wife grew up. I have no one to talk to, because I can’t at the moment. I have to bear this burden until we talk, and I reveal to her that I know. If she wants out, then go. Lets do this peaceably, and focus on the kids. I will entrust someone after she and I talk, but it sucks I just have no outlet right now. She’s the mother of my kids, and I need us to continue to be a family, no matter what. I don’t want my family to ostracize her, friends and our church family, too. I’m the invisible third wheel in this secret, and oh my god has my heart just be ripped out. Any words of encouragement would be great as this is my only outlet. Thanks

    • Al says:

      I feel your pain. My advice is to seek the Lord. I’m a believer and He is the only one that can sooth the pain, nothing else will. Give your broken heart to Him and he will heal it. More than anyone in the world God understand betrayal and rejection. Pour out your heart to Him and He will lift you out of this mess. My relationship with God has been the only thing that has kept me sane thru all this.
      He loves me and is a true friend. I was far from perfect husband and have my faults. I don’t blame my wife for her cheating as I neglected her in so many ways.
      I first asked the Lord to forgive me and then to help me forgive her. Don’t become revengeful and bitter. It will kill you. I’m praying for all on this blog for
      healing, forgivness and restoration.

  52. Rob says:

    My wife of 3 years strayed with another guy 3 times. I knew something was up those 3 weeks but never imagined she would go that far. This was a little over 2 months ago I found out. I came across a couple texts between them but only got to read a couple before she caught me. She has ended it with him and we are going day by day to rekindle our marriage. She has been honest with me and we both agreed that we where more like roommates rather than husband and wife. It still hurts thinking back on the dates she lied and telling me she was one place but really with him.
    I’m filled with rage when I think about that f*cking prick. Taking advantage of My WIFE (who also shares responsibility) and who was confused about her marriage, but he really thought he could take MY place! I know if I came across a woman like that, (which I have in the past) I would be there to talk and have her do the same with her spouse. But what can I expect when I look at what he had going for him…34 yr old, living with his mommy, unemployed “student”.
    I know not 2 of our stories are exactly the same, and my comments may not relate to all of you but I think it’s good for us men to share our pain, rage, sadness and confusion.
    Let’s keep our heads up boys! We all make mistakes and it will take time to heal. And if your going to fix your marriage…remember, your wife chose YOU! Don’t let her affair define You or her. That other F-ing dude has nothing on me, he could never pleasure her like I can. Shit, he couldn’t even afford to buy her a happy meal!
    When you do think of him, remember, He’s the lowest of the low. A piece of shit on the bottom of your shoe.
    Let your Alpha male out and turn that rage into passion for her. And if your marriage is over, turn it into strength for yourself to get back on your feet and start over.
    I wish all you gents a happy life and good luck!

    • Trevor says:

      Wondering if you stayed with your wife two years later? I am going through a similar situation. The guy is a complete loser and my wife knew this and decided to accept his advances. It went on for 4 months and is over. 5 months after confirmed discovery, We are still working on our marriage but I havenr been able to fully forgive….

  53. Ryan says:

    I have been with my wife for seven years, we went through a rough spot due to me working away on the oil rigs to earn enough to support my family, she was left with the kids and hated me for it. When I cam home we decided its best for me to stay home as it was killing our marriage, I did, I thought we were getting better, we had a row and said we should separate to try and fix things, that same day she went out and didn’t come home til 06.30. I knew she cheated on me, she lied about every single aspect of it, first saying she was at a party, then when I found out where she was she said. He kissed her and she pulled away, then I just went to him and found everything. She says she didn’t have sex with him but I know she did. I’m so desperate right now, I have three kids who I look after at home, I’m so glad I’ve got them as sometimes I don’t think I can take this torment any more , she is my world, I was such a confident person, I am now really depressed, loath myself almost, I can’t stop seeing images in my head. She says I’m her work it was a mistake and she is mine forever. I forgive her but I can’t forget, I hate i love her so much but I’m so hurt, she was the one woman I always believed would be my rock and be by my side. She has literally ripped my heart to shreds…… I love her and want to be with her, but she still shows almost no interest in me, no attraction, how have I ended up here, three perfect kids, the woman of my dreams and now I’m destroyed. How do I get past this as I can’t see a light at the end of this tunnel.

    • Ryan says:

      I know I should man up but I feel that she is staying with me out of convenience and nothing more, then I can’t believe she would do this to me as I would go to the ends of the earth to make her smile. I’ve never felt so alone or betrayed my whole life, and I’m embarrassed to say this is the lowest I have ever felt. I have her, she says she loves me, we have three perfect kids, she chose me, but why do I still feel second best…. And she still doesn’t seem like she is interested in me at all but when I raise the issue she says she loves me sooo much. I don’t get it.

      I’ve never ever believed that people should take there own life but I understand now why people would feel that’s the only way out. I have always know she was to good for me, she is amazing, I have been cheated on by every woman I have ever been with, I married her as she had been through the same and was so against it and was such a loyal person, how did this happen …again…

      I’m not an ugly bloke, I work out a fair amount and have an athletic body, I always try to do good by other people, it seems to me the wankers of the world always end up with the girl, I have always been the freind kinda guy….what a mug. Wish I could turn off.

  54. joe says:

    Well this is wat hapind to me. I was in a so called relishenship for 4 yerys with a womin and her 4 kids. She made me fell like she was my sol mat. She convenient me to move in to my home which I own. We lived there for 2 yers it was great for 6mones but then I started to fegyer out how she was. She was lying and chiting on me form the 4yers I knew her.she was in 3 fully blonde relishenships with other men.she wanted to Mary me and wanted my children. I got her pone 1 day and every thing came out. She was telling the same thing to the other 2 men 1 of them already bought her a wedding ring. The weddings where set on the same day and yer. I code not believe wot I was seeing? My heart was shattered to pieces. I toke caer of her 4 kid’s and fell in love with them it killed me.when I confronted her she denied every thing and swor on her kids. The next day she called the police and sed I was tring to kill her not nowing I had put a taper Corder in th home. Thank god or I wood have bin put in jail. I ended up removing her from my home with the police I can’t believe how someone cane be so evall.

  55. shahrukh says:

    My wife cheated & I had proof of her whatapp history. she says so. I told her that lets take a break & then she calls me continuously which i dont pick. ultimately when i pick she says i want to come back. i agreed & she promised to work on it. after a few days i notice her call history getting deleted. being a tech geek i recovered it again & there was again a number on which she was calling for hours. she says its her mom but when i call the num its powered off seems she has set up a code of somesort.

    please tell me what to do. how to proceed. I have a 1 year old son & I am all confused & alone. I cant talk to anyone about it. pls help me if you can

  56. Antonio says:


  57. Antonio says:

    i need HELP!

  58. Davey says:

    My wife cheated on me back in 2008, we hadn’t been married a year. I was away for military training and she went to stay with her family, but apparently had sex with some guy at a party. It took a year to forgive her, after a year she started Cheating with a guy that I worked with and I thought was my friend. When she came to me crying, I forgave her again. Here it is years later, and I’m just now getting over it. And she’s doing it again, however this time she’s started an intimate relationship, not just sex. If it was just sex, it doesn’t hurt less but it’s more easily forgiven. She tells this other guy she loves him. I am beyond devastated. I have broken things, punched holes in the wall, held a gun to my head, but I love her and I have to forgive her. She says she wants to be with me, but I don’t know if I can anymore. What’s worse is she wants me to hang out with the two of them, even though I told her I wanted to put this guy in an early grave. I won’t do that of course, because prison isn’t worth it. And believe it or not, I do still love her. What the hell do I do? I’ve somewhat moved past the boiling point, but my mind is so fucked from all this. I don’t trust her, she would tell me when she cheats because she’s always been honest, brutally honest, but it doesn’t make me trust her because she’s still Cheating. Am I supposed to let her get it out of her system and hope She’ll have a come to Jesus moment? Or do I leave and abandon her and lose the only person in this world I give a damn about? I’m losing my mind.

  59. Davey says:

    My wife cheated on me back in 2008, we hadn’t been married a year. I was away for military training and she went to stay with her family, but apparently had sex with some guy at a party. It took a year to forgive her, after a year she started Cheating with a guy that I worked with and I thought was my friend. When she came to me crying, I forgave her again. Here it is years later, and I’m just now getting over it. And she’s doing it again, however this time she’s started an intimate relationship, not just sex. If it was just sex, it doesn’t hurt less but it’s more easily forgiven. She tells this other guy she loves him. I am beyond devastated. I have broken things, punched holes in the wall, held a gun to my head, but I love her and I have to forgive her. She says she wants to be with me, but I don’t know if I can anymore. What’s worse is she wants me to hang out with the two of them, even though I told her I wanted to put this guy in an early grave. I won’t do that of course, because prison isn’t worth it. And believe it or not, I do still love her. What the hell do I do? I’ve somewhat moved past the boiling point, but my mind is so f***ed from all this. I don’t trust her, she would tell me when she cheats because she’s always been honest, brutally honest, but it doesn’t make me trust her because she’s still Cheating. Am I supposed to let her get it out of her system and hope She’ll have a come to Jesus moment? Or do I leave and abandon her and lose the only person in this world I give a damn about? I’m losing my mind.

  60. Shayne says:

    I’ve been married for 19 years. A year and a half ago I found out that she had been unfaithful. I was totally devastated to say the least. We have since been able to work on our marriage and seem to be going in the right direction.
    My biggest problem is that I keep seeing images of her with him nearly every time I have sex with her. Needless to say this makes it difficult and not nearly as enjoyable as I would like.
    I recently purchased and read your book. Lots of good advice. About avoiding the triggers that cause the images but avoiding sex with my wife is not something I want to avoid.
    Please give any advice you may have.

  61. Brendon endicott says:

    I think she cheated for all of our 21 years of marriage with the same guy what do I do I can’t prove it

  62. Paul says:

    My wife say’s she love’s me and she never cheated??? I have 2 witnesses that one night she went next door to the guy’s house to ask if it was true if he choke out my step daughters boy friend but this was at 1130 at night and she snuck out???? she always came home from school and took showers but took showers before she left???? She still say’s she never cheated on me but 2nd wedding anniversary I am told by my friend who’s wife was with her said dude she cheated on you and she was at panama city while I was stuck working paying for the trip???? I am a ars hole!!! pardon my French! Why haven’t I left her cause this is just the tip of the iceberg and how can I prove she cheated ??? I know one time I told her I love her and forgive her then she ran to the bathroom and started cutting her self as I busted the door down as she cried saying you never belive me but all the lie’s. And I love my step son and her I don’t want to leave and I don’t want to stay and get aids or kill some one cause I snap. can this book truly help????

  63. Max Tiamson says:

    Hi sir….

    Well we may say that i am one of these guys who were been cheated…

    It so painfull iv never saw it comming i never even think of doing it but fuck it so hard…
    I read some of your insghts im doin it…
    Im trying to make things better as it was…
    But she has the guilt and hard to get over in what she have done..

    Im trying to fixed our relationship and it so hard…
    I hope i can still fix this no matter what

    Good luck …

  64. Omar G says:

    I would like a copy of the book. My wife cheated after 2 years of marriage with my best friend at the time. I was so angry at both of them and more at him for his failure to man up and tell me face to face what he did. Rather he hid behind a phone and said she lied and was crazy even before I brought up the subject. It’s been over 3 years since it happened and I am still hurt and angry. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. I want out but can’t bare the thought of not seeing my children every day. I have the support of my family but I am still confused and I still feel utterly alone. I know what I want to do I just don’t know how to do it.

  65. jim says:

    I want to start off by saying I have cheated before and so has my wife. We were supposed to be in a new, fresh, relationship with mutual understanding that it would not be tolerated again! So one day, the day before fathers day to be exact I throw a party and I am by no means drunk but I like to act the part to fit in ( I get bad headaches when I REALLY drink) so I fluff a little. Well long story short after everyone was gone except for a cousin I went to the “bathroom” after noticing my wife dancing kind of, well, dirty so I went to the room where there’s a double sided fireplace and watched a hour and forty-five minute porno with my wife and cousin. I wanted to confront them in so many different ways including with my gun I had in the closet but I didn’t – I wasn’t drunk remember, so I was thinking clear. I walked out and stood near them until they noticed me and asked my cousin to leave, never come back or talk to me or I would punch him and embarrass them both telling the family( big family). The issue I have now more than any other time is that after a up and down 13 year marriage I have used our “lets communicate more, and don’t keep secrets agreement” and have suggested using toys, pornos, spontaneous encounters, swingers clubs( just to drink and watch what people do) and every time she simply put it that she does not like pornos, why use toys there not the same, your gross for wanting to go to clubs like that and if you suggest a threesome again im going to slap you! SO WHY MAKE OUT WITH A FAMILY MEMBER ALMOST ROUNDING THIRD BASE BEFORE I PUT A STOP TO IT! They tried to deny it and say it just happened within moments, so I killed their story by explaining in graphic detail what went on. Okay, Okay sorry for rambling so the bad part is I would probly be able to get over it like before except ” I saw it” and my wife went to check on me in the bedroom 4 times to see what I was doing the first two times I saw her coming I jumped on the bed and acted passed out drunk, then the third time she woke me out of my “drunken stupor” and told me to lay down that I had too much to drink and then she kissed me on my forehead.(AHHHH) so then when I was trying to adjust – from laying on a floor staring through a fireplace I stepped on a water bottle (of course it was dark) and of course it made a loud crinkle sound so I jumped up back in bed the same way she left me ( drunk and passed out) and she opened the door and peaked in for a few seconds, shut the door and continued on!!!!!!!!!!!!! This last paragraph is the reason I cannot come to a conclusion on what I am going to do, I want to be with her, I have three boys and broken homes are shit, but I also cannot ever do anything with her again that I saw her do with him. No more slow passionate kissing, neck kissing, breasts, straddling, grabbing butt, nothing, NADA so does anyone have any advise or comments. Also I have never commented on websites before so I don’t know how I get responses, so I will just re-look at the website in a few days. Thanks for listening

  66. jim says:

    As a simple tip, for those who think they are being cheated on, if you think she talks on the phone with this person, A few years back I purchased a small tape recorder, and phone connecter at radio shack and you simply connect them and, attach the phone cord and put the recorder on auto so when the phone rings it will exit sleep mode and start recording both sides of the conversation, when you get home you can disconnect have some personal time in the bathroom with your paper and earphones and listen to what goes on. I caught her that way and also herd a conversation with her mother where she told her and her mother told her to deny it if I ever found out. What a mother in law

  67. Adrian Crace says:

    Hello.. My wife and I of ten years are going through a tough time right now and I’m not so sure if it’s more me now then whats happened. She abandoned and cheated on me with not just one but three different men. Both of my parents became very sick and I had to look after the both of them. To make matters worse, my brother who is six years older then me and has been disabled from birth lived with our mother who had been his primary care giver was in great need as well. So I had to do what was needed to be done and take of all three of them. I wont go in to great detail as to what I had to do for them, but it involved cooking, bathing, house cleaning, paying bills, medicine, doctors, rehab, nursing homes, selling houses, attorneys. When my Dad passed away a week later I had to put my mom in the hospital so she could go from there to rehab and my brother had to stay with my Wife and I. Three days later I had to be taken to the emergency room for chest pain due to stress and my wife never showed up. I knew that she was playing dirty pool at the time but I had and need to deal with my family. I knew I wasn’t giving my wife 100% of my time but if I didn’t do for my Mom, Dad and Brother it would have been much worse. Then six months after my Dad passed my cuz who was my Dads brothers daughter and more like a sis then a cuz to me passed as well. My Wife, who I’ve been with twenty years, married ten of then didn’t do, say, or acted like she gave a damn at all. I would go to work then go take care of my family and when I would come it was nothing. She acted as if I wasn’t even in the house. Four months after my cuz passed on Christmas Day it all came to a head. I had to say something and all I got was sorry! So I put it a side to deal with my Mom and Brother as you could guess. Had to put my Brother in a Nursing Home and my Mom in Assisted Living and feeling good about keeping them safe and all and thinking good I can take a breather, but no! My Mom took a turn for the worse after eight months and passed away. My Wife, still nothing! My uncle had a rental house and my Wife and I was living in a apartment a talked about moving into the house and we did, hoping to leave our troubles behind and make a new start and brother it didn’t work. To me the Abandonment issue was worse then the cheating and just picked at me day in and day out and I just can’t seem to get over it. I know she married me and not mu family but how can some one do that to you and what do you do! Drinking was may vice for about five months and I said you can’t do this shit and that was that. It’s been tow years now and my feeling for my Wife has changed greatly! I don’t trust her and I not sure if I love her anymore. If you was to ask me right this moment if I loved her I would say no. Now I was talking to another woman for about four or five months after all this shit and stopped it. I wasn’t having sex with but having a emotional relationship you could say and that didn’t make me happy one little bit. I can’t and don’t trust my wife or any woman, let along anybody. I don’t know what to do! I feel as if I’m going insane. What does one do? Go for the big D and start over or just hang and be unhappy????

  68. Rowan says:

    My wife has not physically cheated on me. She emotionally cheated on me with my brother. From the first day we met she dragged her feelings for my brother in our relationship. She always lied to me when i asked her about her feelings towards him. She gave me a could shoulder and many times the silent treatment. I know he played the same game with her because she caught him may times looking at her in that way. She admitted that she looked at him too when nobody would see. She admitted that to sleep with him was part of her feelings towards him. This went on for about 11 years and we have been together for 14 years. She actually let him go in 2010 when he immigrated to Australia. I never got over it and till this day it haunts me like mad. It’s getting worse now and i can’t cope with it. It is a see saw ride and it is driving me insane. It is destroying our relationship, but after all these years i stayed with her because i love her so much. We are still together and this issue is going haywire inside of me. I tried to forget, i tried to forgive, but it always comes back and it always causes me to push her away from me. I love her, but i can’t stand the fact that she had those fantasies towards him for so many years. How the fuck do i get over this?? I really need help!

  69. Brian says:

    I caught my wife cheating just a couple of weeks ago. I had my suspicions and went through her phone when she came home that night. Sure enough, I found the texts of them planning their meeting. She says it only happened that one time but I found out later that she been seeing him for awhile. Then I talked to her sister tonite and she told me that my wife has been cheating on me for some years now. We’ve been married almost ten years and I find out that it’s all been a lie and that she’s been cheating this whole time. As a matter of she’s out tight now with “friends”. I don’t believe a word she says anymore. She’s probably fucking someone right now!! What do I do!?!?

  70. Al says:

    Hi Kevin

    Just found out today that my wife has cheated for the 2nd time . This time I got her to admit that she slept with the guy . Last time I found her out she said it was because she was unhappy with us . That I didn’t talk enough , I kept things to myself to much , I didn’t show her enough affection & that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me . She swore then she hadn’t slept with the person but now I’m not sure if that is true .

    I’m in a funny place . I don’t feel mad or sorry or anything really . Can only think its shock as last time i felt this way is when my dad was killed suddenly . I moved to live in her country beside her family & friends so i have sent her & our little 7 year old girl to her parents . So i can get my head round this.

    I feel a bit of fool because the last time this happened i fought for our relationship . Even when she told me she loved me but wasn’t in love with me . I’ve never been the most open of people keep everything to myself most of the time rather having an argument with myself and working things out that confronting my wife . It’s weird because when ever i get mad with her by the time she gets home i’ve gone through the whole thing in my head and amn’t mad with her any more . She takes this as a sign that i don’t care about us . As she said before if i don’t argue with her then i mustn’t care about us .

    Also another things she said is that the spark is gone out of our marriage and she doesn’t feel the excitement . That this guy she slept with has given her the excitement we are missing . He is also married with a 8 yo kid but as she said he is unhappy in his marriage as well . The thing is i found his email and found he had online posts looking for “Hi we are a couple looking for fun, she is 50 loves guys and girls and almost everything else, he is 40 straight 7 ” cut and loves giving oral ” My wife was a bit surprised when i told her about this but that’s beside the point . She was crossed the line and screwed someone else . What hurts me is that we often spoke about other couples she know who was cheating on each other and she said that was awful she would never go that far and yet she has and possible had when we spoke about that .
    Also she wouldn’t have admitted to me that she had slept with this guy until i brought up his name email and message i had found on my laptop . The bad thing is that i really have no one here i can confide in . They are all her friends and family and just not goiing to talk to them about it . My family is the other side of the world and don’t feel like bothering them with it as they will feel so bad being so far away.

    I feel so bad, worry for our little girl that it will mess her up if we were to split . Hell it would mess me up as well as if we split I really don’t have separate friends and family here . I know they would still be ok with me but i really could hang with them after this . I would be all on my own which scares me . The whole thought of having to start all over again after nearly 10 years also makes me feel sick . But am i fool for even thinking of trying to keep this together . She has hurt me big time twice now and she still says she loves me but not in love with me . Am i trying to hold onto something that can’t be held onto .

    If we go ahead and try and get over this, it’ll always be in the back of my mind that if i slip up again amn’t what she wants she will cheat again. I know we should have got counseling before but we thought we could go it alone and now here we are .
    I feel like I would love to gut this asshole like a fish but realize it takes two . M
    y wife is just as much to blame as him . She even admitted she didn’t think of me or our little girl . That all she wanted was excitement & fun . I said yeah of course this guy could give her excitement and fun because he didn’t have all the everyday worries i have . If i just went and screwed someone i could make it fun & exciting because i wouldn’t give a fuck about her only screw her . I could promise her the whole world and listen to all her worries & bullshit her that everything would fine that the whole world is fine and easy but it’s not . Being married with a kid n bills is not easy and not fun . It takes all the excitement carefree feeling from life .

    Right now I’m not sure where we go . If we can come back from this . I’m here typing this and she is at her parents. Just not ready to sit and talk everything over with her . Guess only time will tell .

    • Andrea says:

      I am in your shoes today. She loves me but not in love, last night second night she didn’t come home and slept at this guys bed. First time she admitted to sex and was sorry but wanted to keep seeing him. Today she says she didn’t sleep with him and wants to give us a try.
      Curious where you are today and what you ended up doing. I am also away from home and here be of her. We have 1 yr old, and although the I would hate to separate, perhaps best now, than in 5 yrs if and when this comes again.

    • leiden2314ak says:

      Ok…scarry…sounds just like my clear cross the world..she also was looking for excitement… I was the borring one..yet worked my ass off for the 3 kids that arent mine and my daughter we have together..feel lonely and depressed and betrayed…

  71. Mark says:

    I guess, like so many others, I came to this site to try and find answers, or at least ways or strategies to help stop the pain. I’m afraid I haven’t found them.
    My wife, who I love very much has been cheating. Several times. At least this time when confronted she admitted to it; although only to a very limited number of encounters it did help. But knowing it went on much longer, much longer only puts another wall in front of our ever being able to stay together.
    STAY TOGETHER; or not, that’s what I need help with! And it’s the one thing no one else can help me decide. I love her so much, but if we tried again I know the suspicious devils that have been whispering in my ear would return with a vengence and fuck things up for both of us. I have behaved terribly since finding out and though not proud of my behaviour I know I would do it again the moment I became suspicious. We deserve better than that. She deserves better than that. What we all seem to forget is that things must have been pretty awful for a good person to do this. And she is a good person. I must accept some responsibility, but yet all I want to do is punish her; make her feel the same pain I have. And that is enough to drive a wedge through the best relationship, let alone one as shaky as ours. I MUST LEAVE, for both our sakes. But it is so bloody difficult to know that there will ever be happiness in my life, ever again! Guys, I’d love to give you all the sordid details, and it would help me to do it; for a while. No one can decide for us. And I think learning to trust our instincts and feelings is the first step. At the moment I can think of a thousand reasons to stay; she’s funny, beautiful, loves to dance and have fun…..etc. But only one reason to go, but it’s a hell of a reason. HELP thanks for being there Mark

    • Eric says:

      I’m just curious to what decision you ended up making? I feel exactly the same as you did, very torn and confused on what to do.

  72. Blindsided66 says:

    I found out that when wife was out of town for a week that she met a complete stranger at a bar and three days later stayed at his place for four days. The whole time I thought she was being faithful, while I’m at home taking care of our 10-year-old son and working. This is not the first time that she cheated. Always believed her when this was a “fresh” start for us.

    What really gets me is all the opporunities she had to ask herself, “What am I doing?” It’s not like she met the guy and he said move in with me and she did. She had to get to know him, make plans to stay at his place, pack her bags, check out of the hotel, jump in his car and drive there, etc. – plenty of chances for her to stop and think about what she was doing.

    She had told me “sorry” a hundred times and as I told her, but she never told me once “why”. She said she doesn’t know why. I told her that if she doesn’t understand why, then how am I suppose to understand and begin to move forward?

    That’s the hardest part for me – not asking herself why she was doing what she did.

  73. Jerrod says:

    I am just suprised. I never new how unhappy she was nor did I think she would ever do this.

  74. Jerrod says:

    I am just suprised right now. I never thought she would

  75. Steven says:

    I just found out today and my heart is in a blender

  76. gregg says:

    Here ya go this one is wierd at least I think it is. This is happening right now. We both knew we were splitting up. But we still have been trying to make it work all of sudden I catch her texting someone and then find out she “dirty danced” with another guy just 2 weeks ago now that actually doesn’t bother me since we have pretty much grown detached from each other. But no matter how many times the opportunity has been put in front of me I can’t do it period. We have decided to put the D paperwork through mutually. I can’t help to feel betrayed and it hurts A LOT!!

  77. Pro says:

    God this is painful. Last Friday my fiance of 3 years told me that she wanted to break up with me. She didn’t give me a chance to talk at all either, she just said it’s over and that was the end of it, pretty much. The past weekend, I have done nothing other than trying to talk to her but all she keeps saying is that it’s not going to work anymore. Sunday night, I said fuck it, and gave up on the chance of trying to find out what’s going on. I convinced myself to stop trying to talk to her, or to get her back. I went to lay down in bed but couldn’t sleep. A couple hours later, she called me, and told me she wanted us to try again. Of course I gladly accepted..

    Yesterday, I started asking her questions about what all that was about. It turns out that she left me and screwed someone else, pretty much a person that replaced me. I asked her to go into it further, and it’s a person that she met just last week. She says she regrets it deeply and wants us to try again. Of course I love her very much and I can’t let go.. So I agreed. But it just keeps going through my head. She met a guy last week, left me on Friday to go screw him, then comes back to me Sunday. I don’t know what to do or think, I love her so much, and I do know she loves me deeply. We have been together again since Monday, so, since yesterday, but I can’t go on with this pain.. knowing that she spent time with someone else. It’s maddening. It’s driving me insane. I don’t know what to do or think anymore..

  78. Taylor says:

    Married for 30 years, found a video by mistake (looking for our daughters college basketball game) on my wife’s cell phone. My wife, the neighbours (really close friends), and another guy who I don’t know having a four-way . . . just great. I copied the video and played in the laptop with the volume turned-up so she could her it from the other room. She comes storming in accusing me of watching erotica which I’ve never done after we started dating. It took her awhile to figure out who it was on the screen, she then tells me it has been occurring regularly about once a month for the past 8 years or so.

    I’m ashamed that she did not open-up to me and express her sexual desires, here I was thinking and feeling we had a communicative and frank relationship. We could’ve talked about it, gone for therapy or even sexual counselling both as a couple and individually. The pain is unbearable the trust, shattered. I’ve no idea what my future looks like and it’s highly unlikely my wife will be part of it. She wants to continue having multiple partners. I still love her and likely always will in some capacity. I have to get my life back in order, I moved out got a dumpy apartment and currently trying to find a local support group. I’m really trying to focus on the future not the past, taking one day at a time.

  79. Mike Ingram says:

    Yep still having problems with it.

  80. Craig says:

    Found out about a month ago my wife has been cheating on me with a guy that she works with. I thought she was cheating on me and confronted her two difference times and she denied it both times. Confirmation finally came in a text from the a@@@@, when he said that he was madly in love with my wife. She finally came clean. Need your 7 common mistakes so I want or have made them. I appreciate your help.

  81. Lee says:

    I have also just recently had this happen again. This will be too many times to count almost. My wife was diagnosed with bipolar recently. I am devastated once again. We have been together for 10 years and I thought it was the women I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I feel that at this juncture I am bipolar. One part of me says I have to get out of this and do for me. The other doesn’t want to throw away 10 years and start all over again. I am constantly going to be insecure and always question everything she does now. I am at the point wheye I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not the best husband but I work hard to support us as does she and I am a caring and loving person. I just don’t see how a human being can do this to someone, my heart actually physically hurts and it’s hard to not tear up finishing this jumbled comment. I thought guys were supposed to be the ones that couldn’t keep their dicks in their pants.

    • Dear John says:

      News flash. Women working out in the world who make the same or more money than their spouse are just as likely to cheat as men. Now that female infidelity is becoming much more commonplace, their rates of extra-marital activity are equalling that of men. Welcome to the brave new world of gender equality!

  82. J PELTIER says:

    Thank you

  83. J PELTIER says:

    Look forward to getting over this

  84. Mike says:

    Finding out your wife or girlfriend that you love is cheating on you is really one of the hardest things to deal with when you first suspect they are it can really screw you up trying to prove they are and eventually when you catch them out and confront them thats a real killer..Whether to decide to give them another chance or not is a hard choice to make especially if you still love them!

  85. David Cunningham says:

    My wife met a another man online while playing that stupid game, Mafia Wars. He was in her ‘family’. They started chatting and the next thing I knew, she flew interstate and had a night out with him. My wife is 45 and he is 31. I found the emails – the night consisted of cocaine, cannabis and ecstasy as well as sex and alcohol. And to top it all off, my wife was eight weeks pregnant at the time! She has since had an abortion and has moved out. We have a four year old daughter. I think she wants to to pursue a relationship with this guy because I know that they are still in contact. I’d love to save my marriage believe it or not. She doesn’t show any remorse. I felt suicidal and still have what I call ‘moments’ where I break down and cry uncontrollably. I’m not a drunk, I have never been physically or verbally abusive and I don’t gamble. All I have ever done since we were married ten years ago was work hard and try to be the best husband I could be. I never said a bad word about her – always spoke highly of her. I feel so bad and worthless and humiliated. It just isn’t fair. I don’t know how anyone can do these things to somebody.

    • Jadas says:

      Yo man I just posted my story before reading urs.. Crazy I thought I was only one w a wife crazy enough to meet someone on a online game and actually meet them in person.. I feel same as u and I don’t get it either.. I’ve dun nothing but give her everything I could.. So guess it just good to know someone else has had similar situation and pain is unreal.. U ain’t alone bro

    • Dear John says:

      When I read men’s stories of marital betrayal on this site, I run a checklist through my head which concludes with an up-or-down decision:
      (A) Try to save the marriage, with your wife’s help (B) Fold your cards, realize that you made an error in judgment by selecting the cheating woman, and move on to get a divorce. From your description of the affair, you are in category B.
      She shows no remorse for breaking your heart, is getting hot sex from a much younger guy while high on cannabis, coke and X, and she’s eager to go back for more of that kind of excitement. You are offering her commitment as a breadwinner and a stable and kind husband. You don’t stand a chance, dude.
      Even if you did manage to talk her into staying, your role would be as the drone who earns the money to support her lifestyle, while she gets her kicks elsewhere. Now that she’s been to the bright lights of the big city, you’re always going to be a boring chore for her to deal with.
      Now, if you are patient, you will eventually (in 3-12 months) have the satisfaction of watching her crash and burn when her young stud lover dumps her for a newer model. Don’t take her back, even if you are still jonesing for her. She’ll clean up her act for a few months and then the call of the wild will send her sneaking out the back door for some more hot sex on dope with some younger guy. I think you’re finished, sad to say.
      Dear John

    • Don says:

      Sorry but start working out and get yourself a hot car and dump her ass! Wayyyyy to many hot women out there to get suicidal over her! Take care you are not alone!

  86. Richard says:

    I can not and do not believe you ever get over it!!!! I started going with my wife when she was 14 and I was 15 years old. She was my everything. We did everything together. We were married when I was 20. Six months after we were married I got hurt on the job, after a visit to the doctor with torn back muscles I went home. It was funny to see her car in the driveway at 2 o’clock in the afternoon. When I finally got to the front door it was locked. By the time I got the door open, there stood my oldest brother, who was my best man. My wife was in the living room in her bathrobe. My brother said he’d better go and left. The only words that were said by my wife was I want a divorce. I walked into the bedroom, packed my bags and left. My little brother lives in Alaska and I see him at least 2 weeks every year. My oldest brother lives 8 miles away and I haven’t seen or talked to him in years. I have never discussed it with him or my ex. The Ex passed away in 1992. Life just went to shit and was never the same. That was only 38 years ago.

    • Don says:

      Wow but you did the right thing! My 58 soon to be 59 year old wife is upstairs asleep after telling me she has been talking on-line and now on the phone with a 42 year old married man with 2 small children and telling him she is 42! I am going to file for divorce if she does not stop and if she doesnt I dont give a shit because I will trade in my challenger for a new z-06 corvette! Alot more fun and alot less trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  87. Jimmy Nuon says:

    She cheated on me with three different guys during different times I just found out yesterday im in a world of hurt i dont think she slept with them but the she did secretly see them at work and spoke intimately to them I found out buy checking the phone company logs she was ready to sex these guys up im so hurt wat should I do we’re trying to make it work

  88. Jadas says:

    I figured out my wife cheated while I was visiting my sick grandmother.. She is even the one that pushed for me to go.. I trudged her but when I couldn’t reach her on the phone for hours. I sent someone by my house.. Her car not there.. 5 mins later she texted me she was asleep and do don’t hear the phone.. She did don’t know my friend was at my house.. Busted… She still denied it and said she out w freinds.. Why lie like i said i trusted her.. She is my everything for almost 20 tears.. Sorry nice I been home I have uncovered she met up w someone she has lays a android game w.. R u f.. King kidding me. Who does that.. Look at phone bills phone calls for months.. Sorry x me nuts earlier I found setting w same dude on a chat app. I trusted her to stop.. Do don’t stop and evolved.. I feel so stupid for trusting her but we are so in leader ve w each other.. See life hadn’t been great bit I thought it was her not being interested anymore.. I feel stupid embarrassed the whole nine.. I haven’t called n fronted her yet but am soon.. Don’t want make any rash I’d love to smack this dude around.. Lol.. Any ways that my sh t life..

  89. Jadas says:

    REVISED.. I figured out my wife cheated while I was visiting my sick GRANDMOTHER 200 miles away.. My wife is even the one that pushed for me to go.. I trusted her but when I couldn’t reach her on the phone for hours. I sent someone by my house to see if she ok.. To my horror Her car not there.. 5 mins later she texted me saying she was asleep and did don’t hear the phone.. She did don’t know my friend was at our house.. Busted… She still denied it and said she was out w freinds.. Why lie, like i said i trusted her.. She is my everything for almost 20 tears.. Since I been home I have uncovered she met up w someone she has plays a android game w.. R u f.. King kidding me. Who does that.. Look at phone bills, phone calls for months.. Six x months earlier I found sexting w same dude on a chat app. I trusted her to stop.. Didnt stop and evolved.. I feel so stupid for trusting her but we are so in love w each other.. Sex life hadn’t been great bit I thought it was her not being interested anymore.. I feel stupid embarrassed the whole nine . but still love her other then this our relationship has been ones our freinds envy.. I don’t get it.. . I haven’t confronted her yet but am soon.. Don’t want make any rash I’d love to smack this dude from Texas to get laid.. Pretty pathetic. Lol.. Any ways that my sh t life..

    • David Cunningham says:

      Hi Jadas
      Sorry to hear your story. Stay strong brother. Thanks for responding to my initial post.

  90. richard says:

    After 4 my wife has cheated on me more than 4 times in last year but this time she took off now im just trying to take my 2 year old and keep her happie but kills me when wake up crying and is scraed im leaving her then my wife is trying to say i dont care i want her to see her but on my terms saying she cant bring her new guy its driving me crazy i not sure of any thing any more i just want to have my life back its killing me to see my childed like this but i dont want to send her to my wife cause i know i wont see her without a fight

    • Dear John says:


      Your wife doesn’t love you anymore. Four guys in one year?! That you know about. You are being held hostage by your daughter. Growing up in a loveless marriage won’t help her to grow up healthy. You need to get out.

      My advice is to get some documentation that substantiates the affairs, go to a lawyer and then present her with an offer she can’t refuse: full access to your child, minimal support for her beyond caring for the child’s needs, and a divorce on your terms. If she refuses, you can sue for full custody and no need to pay child support. With a good lawyer, you’ll win. Just do it.

      Dear John

  91. Jeff says:

    Please help. Looking for information.

  92. Fred says:

    Your emails and this site has helped. My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have 3 sons all hockey players. My wife a former D1 athlete took to my youngest sons hockey coach, he was 15-20 years older then her. A year and a half ago I saw some text messages and it looked like two 13 year olds playing grab ass so I confronted her and she apologized and at my request contacted “Mike” and told him I knew and it had to stop. She assured me it was over and that it was just fun flirting, and I bought it. My wife I met when she was 19 and she was a virgin, always thought she was that perfect wife.
    3 weeks ago we are in the car and she receives a test message I pick it up and its from Mike and its a heart with an arrow through it. We argued and she denied but after an hour she admitted they are having an affair. My sons hockey team played in four travel tournaments from February to May and my wife took him to the tournaments and slept in hotels and coach “Mike” fucked her nightly!!! as my 8 year old slept in a hotel room alone.
    Needless to say we have had a ruff 3 weeks but have made some great progress. We have always had open communication and have spent all night talking many nights since it came out. When the affair started I was absent due to work related issues that hurt me, and I was unable to support her. Our Marriage grew cold and we lost our spark, stayed friends but not lovers. I realize I didn’t meet her needs and she met someone who could. I have felt good the last 4-5 days thinking we have made amazing progress until tonight. She told me she needs to talk with “Mike” and put closure on their relationship. I am not an idiot and have come to realize she still has feelings for him and what he gave her. I said to her “you just want sex from him,” and she basically agreed but admits she cant do that to me. I have given her time to decide what she wants but have clearly told her if she goes back for sex the kids and I are leaving. I love her more then life, and truly understand why it happened and forgave her for doing it. But came to a conclusion tonight she never ended the affair she was caught and that thought scares me to death!! How do I proceed from here


  93. Bill Stack says:

    I get so confused, my wife had a affair with our neighbor, she never did it before, but they went to a motel twice, at first she said she didn’t enjoy it but went back the second time because she thought it was her, then she said she had a few drinks with him and went back got laid and left. the first time she told me she got in the showere with him he tried anal, then they got out had a few drinks he put on a rubber and tried anal again we never did that, then they layed down on the bed for about a hour she suck him he put a rubber on she got on top then he turned her over and got off. Heres the problems she had her tubes tied he had a vasectomy use a rubber??? They knew each other for years. the other thing is she has a nice rack 38 DD and shes trying to tell me he never touched her?? Things don’t add up if she lying about that what else is she lying about. she thought I was cheating on her I wasn’t, but for her to give him thing we never did tears me up. I think she lying about the breast thing because she know how much I enjoy her breasts. Its been about for years since she told me I cant get over it, when I ask for small things and she gives me a tough time I tell her if it was her boyfriend she would do it, I have reached a time in my life that I don’t want to go on, We were HS boy and girlfriends I never thought she would do something like that. I part of me is missing and Ill never get it back. I feel so empty

    • Kevin Jackson says:

      This is Kevin Jackson. Couple of things. First off, this is a good example of how getting too many sexual details isn’t helpful. You’re probably a details kind of guy so you just had to know exactly what they did sexually, but now those details are haunting you. And you don’t believe she’s telling the truth about them. You know what? Maybe she is, or maybe she isn’t. There won’t ever be a way of knowing for sure. But one of the most important things is to communicate your pain about the sexual details to your wife and see if she can express remorse for the pain you’re in. If she doesn’t, tell her what you need from her is more remorse. If she still can’t, there’s no way you can heal while saying in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t do her part to help you heal from the betrayal. It’s been 4 years so far. I’ve spoken to guys who have suffered more than 30 years. The suffering doesn’t go away if you stay in relationship with a woman who is unwilling or unable to help you heal. But there are things you can do to help her give you the remorse and compassion you need. Stop rubbing her face in the affair – that’ll only make her more defensive (and it’s childish). I get the reason you’re doing it is because you’re in pain and you need more from your wife than you’re getting – but punishing her for the affair won’t get you what you want.
      It’s clear to me you’re depressed. Most men who get cheated on get depressed and feel that they don’t want to go on. But I can tell you if you take care of yourself that depressed feeling will go away. By taking care of yourself I mean leaving the relationship if your wife isn’t helping you heal. And you know what? Something tells me in a year or two you’ll find a woman who won’t go to a motel twice with a guy, cheat on you, and then not have much remorse for it. Seems to me like you deserve better. I hope you can work it out – but don’t stay stuck in a relationship that’s causing you pain forever. Your life is too precious for that. – K.J.

  94. josey says:

    Need all the help i can get right now.

  95. tom says:

    awesome advice

  96. Jose Rivera says:

    I’m at the point that my wife cheating has put me at the point where I need to make a decision but want to make the right one before I do make it. The problem I have is that the kids are in the middle and it breaks my hart to put them in the middle but I also don’t see myself forgiving her, so here I’m trying to make one of the biggest decision of my life and don’t really know how to go about it. My mind is cleared of the anger so its time or at least I think is time to move forward in one direction or the other.

  97. Tony says:

    So…after 13 years of marriage my wife says she can’t take it anymore and wants a divorce (a divorce she had apparently already filed for before telling me). Some background here. On my 1-year wedding anniversary my wife’s father dies. We (I) decide that we are going to move in with her mom to help her take care of the house they just bought. When my wife gets pregnant we start looking for a house that will be big enough to have “Mom” stay with us. Long story short “Mom” decides she doesn’t want to sell her house so wife says we can’t move into the house we bought. She kicks me out after I flip and we reconcile when the baby is born. Fast forward, 3 years later we finally sell our house and lose every penny, “Mom” gets cancer, “Mom” beats cancer, “Mom” relapses. During this time me and wife go though rut. We don’t go out. We argue over little stuff. Things are tough. I believed we would get through all of this together. Well, turns out that she was having an “emotional” affair with co-worker, which oddly started about the same time (last October per the cell phone records) she decided that she would never have sex with me again. She swears that they are not physical (?), and that this is not the reason she filed for divorce, but rather that I was not supportive enough (see above…really?), wants peace in her life, and doesn’t want to live knowing that I am not happy. I move into a place I cannot afford so I can be near my son, and 3 weeks ago “Mom” dies. So, imagine the roller coaster I am on. Funeral was a awkward mess, I am left out of everything after being a caretaker with my wife for 8+ years, and my son is struggling big time. BUT…I’m not supposed to be upset or devastated because her mother just died. I am an absolute mess and miss my wife and living with my son. I know it’s over, but I don’t want it to be. At this point, I don;t want to make any mistakes that I will regret.

  98. Boisetennis says:

    I’ve never thought it will happen! I still love her!

  99. Buddy says:

    I am going insane I know she is cheating but she will not confess. When I address her she always says I already answered those questions when she did not she would try to take the focus off the main question and focus on some other aspect in the question. We have not had sex in two years. Zhe always falls azleep on the couch then maybe but not always come to bed long after I am asleep. Now that I work nights she goes to sleep in the bed every night. I think she knows that I amclose to leaving and she iz being very nice. She admitted to masturbate on couch instead of coming to the bedroom. She gets angry at me everyday aboutanything. She told me she was not attracted to me. Now she is saying zhe says all the bad things like that and she hates me wish I was dead wish she never met me she calls me names she has hit me on several occasions. One excuse she says excuses change all the time is that I am lazy. The latest is I turned her down once and she gave up. Worst thing is I have two boys 14 years old and 12 years old. I am ripping apart I feel like I could just die. I had a mach 1 that was paid for she knew it was my dream car. We started having money problems so she wanted me to sale it. But we were keeping her traverse that costs 600 a month. I started to smoke a little pot to see if that would help but it didn’t. Several times I thought about ending it altogether I would do 150 mph in my mach 1 and try to convince myself that all I had to do is just jerk the steering wheel and I could end my horrible life. But I couldn’t stand the thought of my kids. So I would just run at high speed hoping something would just happen. I am going crazy when we talk she ends up convincing me all is good. Then later I realize nothing is different. I do not know what to do in the past when I would catch her in a lie she would not admit to it and be angry I would show her the plain evidence then she would confess. My world is shattered I am in a life of hell it consumes my every thought. I have remained faithul I must admit I watch porn on phone and jack off which pisses me off. I feel like a pervert. I am well I dont know any words to describe it. I just want to cry yell
    Scream and just go insane and tear everything down until I finally die of stroke or some other painful death. I am not normally that way. This is turning me into a box of pain that wants to explode. I do not want to hurt anyone but I don’t care how bad I hurt myself. I have done nothing besides think about all this. I hate my life. I am afraid I will never be the same. Like my world will never be good. I still love her. One time in therapy the therapist asked why do I stay. I said because her smile made me feel so good and I stay waiting for that smile.

  100. Kevin says:

    Feeling lost right now. Found out this morning that my wife is cheating on me for the second time in five years. I found the “secret” password to her phone and viewed her text messages. Appears to have been going on for a few months….Not quite sure what to do…..

  101. Mike says:

    I can’t believe I could ever feel like this. After all we’ve been through. I’m a wreck.

  102. Skip says:

    My wife of 3 years has kicked me out and told me we were through >10 times. Last year after one of her rants an ex-gf contacted me out of the blue and sent some explicit photos. Wife found them, went off accusing me of an affair, and now, 1 1/2 years later I find out that she has been doing a friend of mine, married with kids that play ball with ours. It “started” as revenge sex about the photos (which is crap). In my heated ping I called and confronted him and her in person. She is lying about it being over now (texts show otherwise) and is more worried about what the kids might hear at school, not fixing our relationship. I found out because someone left me a note on my vehicle, the guy denied it but she admitted to the revenge sex.
    I have apologized and bent to her rules over the pics, she can’t even apologize for screwing my friend. She told all her buddies I cheated, I’d love to give all those men-haters an earful about her right now.

  103. greg says:

    I need help. Im lost and don’t know what to do.

  104. Eric says:

    I have had feelings for the past couple of months, and finally found proof tonight. No sleep tonight. Looking for some advice.

    Thank you

  105. Mike says:

    I have been with my wife going on 17 years, but married for almost 10. She was in the nation guard and was sent to Iraq for 18 months, i noticed when she got back home she was not as effectionate , she gave me hugs like we were buddies. I suspected she found someone else while she was away, i later found she was emailing someone ( our daughter seen her writing ) so i checked her messages and found she was talking with a guy she meet in iraq. I confronted both of them , him by email and her face to face. She said it was just talk. Things went up and down from there, this took place in 2005. We stayed together and about 3 or 4 years ago she told me she wanted a divorce, I died inside just hearing that, as i cried and begged her not to leave me , she finally told me while she was on deployment she had been rapped and that guy was the only one to actually know about it that he helped her get her mind off of it, then he just felt he could get what he wanted, kinda of a Mr.nice guy till he got her were he wanted her. We still stayed together through some really rough times, i never really trusted her. This pasted year i found she meet up with an old school friend ( man) while she told me and our 3 kids she was helping a friend set up for a wedding. I was suspicious again and a few weeks later found she cheated on me with that guy, she blamed it on to much alcohol, I told her if she didn’t sneak out it would not have happened so i knew they planned on it for awhile. Now she wants a divorce again, I don’t understand why i am still in Love with her and can’t just let go, i told her i don’t want a divorce we can get counciling she says we are done , i told her okay if thats what she wants, she pays for it, till this day she still has not done it yet she says she has all the papers and goes out to a friends house with our daughter regularly, and tells me to get out, yet when i leave she constantly looks for me. I am about to admit myself into a nuthouse, I want to hate her but I am still in Love with her. I truly hate myself for not being her everything anymore.

  106. john says:

    23 years of marriage down the drain. I had suspsions of my wife cheating and I caught her where normal minds knew she was having an affair- screwing my cousin!!! This lasted off and on for 13 years and throw in a couple others guys she fucked

    I tried to stay and I thought I could make her love me again boy what a mistake. I am miserable and going thru a divorce and she rubs everything in my face, no remorse only blaming me. Oh and along the way she accusses me of all this vile crap

    Where do I go from here? Its habit not love but I’m scared lonely embarrassed right now and so worried about the future. This is the hardest challenge I’ve faced because I look in her eyes and see lies hatred and manipulation, and I see a women who blames me and has no accountability only meaness advice?

    I need to break free and get away from her and her spell over me
    she is a liar a cheat and a slut and alway s suckered me back in
    divorce is around the corner but I am afraid lonely scared and worried what my future holds

  107. Jadas says:

    I got to say I love wat kevin is is great wat I do think most are looking for is to be able to live chat..I know that’s how I ended up here.. I’m gonna start a room on palringo..u can download the app or just go on ur browser..hopefully Kevin will support it …I will attach link to his book on chat room..I’m reading these most recent story’s and I know we all need to talk and most us don’t want to open to freinds or family’ right now I am gonna post and make that chat room on name will be… Live through this..I hope this gets posted and we can all heal together.. I can’t express enough how much I appreciate wat Kevin does and is doing..thank you Kevin..

  108. Joe says:

    Just a bad issue to type now

  109. Daniel says:

    My wife and I have been together for 9 years.We have 3 kids,a house,pets, the whole american dream.Until yesterday.Sunday is usually family day being I work 6 days a week and take up sidejobs after work in order to provide my family with a better life.I happened to look through her messages on her phone and found a picture of another man’s penis.Im devastated.She is my best friend.Or was,or i dont know anymore.Now what do i do? I don’t want to leave my kids and my house and my old life.But maybe it might be what I have to do,I dont want to but I feel like it’s something i gotta man up and just do.Like even though my heart hurts and desires her I have to be strong and walk away.I’ve never been more lost in my entire life.

    • John says:

      Trust me friend I know what your going through. If you love your wife you need to sit her down and confront her on this. It’s not going to be easy for either of you, she will get defensive and you will get hurt. Walking away without fighting for the woman you love is not being a man, fight for her thats being a man. Now I don’t mean go out and beat the hell out of the SOB, although it sure feels like that would make you feel better. Fighting him will only get you in trouble and then he wins twice, you’re went to jail and your wife will most likely be drawn closer to him. Give your wife the choice, you or him, Don’t let her know how bad it hurt you. Go on with you life like nothing happened, this is very hard! Don’t ignore her, show her attention and affection, another thing that will be very hard, but don’t cling to her. Show her that you want her in your life but make sure she see’s you can go on and be happy without her. If she loves you and she see’s you will carry on without her it will start to open her eyes. I hate to tell ya friend but you in for a very very long painful road and thats with or without her, the pain is going to be there and only time will allow you to soften it. It’s kinda like two songs that helped me start recovering. First is Kenny Chesney Rock Bottom, the second is I believe called Rainy Day. Your gonna tuck this heartache away and save it for a rainy day. Sounds stupid but trust me right now music can help you more than you know.

  110. mark says:

    You will never know the whole truth, woman will lie worse than a man ever could and whats worse you will believe it because she will cry and cry.

    25 years of marriage —- she has had 3 affairs —- spent the night several times with one guy…..claimed she was at work but her checks were short, so i knew something was up. she made fake Facebook accounts, email accounts, had a second phone, it goes on……some 10 years later it still hurts, even after almost 5 years of individual and marriage counseling ……we are together still but trust me it always hurts……it just hurts less and the flare ups are further apart.

  111. Dwyer says:

    I found out 2 weeks ago,my wife has been having a semi affair with an old boyfriend that lives in another state for over 3 years.They have been exchanging texts and pictures the whole time.They reconeccted through Facebook.The only reason i found out was on my way to the bathroom i overheard her talking to someone on her cellphone ,i realized it wasnt her mom,sisters,friends and co workers from the way she was speaking and the tone of her voice.Later when she was sorting the laundry i gave her a look and she asked if i wanted to talk about something i said yes.So i asked are you seeing someone else.She stuttered…i.i…..i…talk to people.I kept pushing and digging over 3 days and found out the details.She kept saying he filled a void that developed between us,he uplifts her,he encourages her he is a great great great great friend.The other crazy thing is the guy is married with 4 kids.His wife found out and called my maybe soon to be ex wife a few times and left her a heated message.
    It is devestating to know through all we have been through in the past 3 or 4 years while i was kissing her goodbye going to work and doing things for her birthday and anniversaries/holidays she was on the phone talking and texting this man.I know this because i gained access to her phone records a fact she doenst know.I know she is using some kind of service to talk to him still even though she said she and he were giving each other space.I also know this because she called him 2 days ago,i guess the service they were using was down that morning.She keeps saying she wants us to be friends but there is so much hurt and pain built up in my heart i cant do the “friend thing” It’s so hard to realize your wife doesnt love you anymore and the fact that i still love her.Wish i could be cold and just go out and bang a lot of women,plus for now we are financially stuck together so i cant just move out and stay in a hotel for a few weeks until i find a place.Plus my son is alread devestated by our arguing.I can only imagine how he will be when we truly split

  112. John says:

    I have been married to my wife for 29 years, will be 30 very soon if we make it. I was not raised in a Christian home but she was and had a very very strong relationship with God. My wife has always had very high morals and felt very strongly against adultery. Six weeks ago I could feel something was not right and I just came out and asked her if she had been seeing someone. I figure the answer would be no with that look of “how the hell could you ask that”, what I got was totally different. She answered no but I could tell by her voice and eyes she was lieing. My wife has never lied to me before! She finally admitted to it and said it had been going on for almost two weeks and she had fell in love with him. I did feel anger or hurt at first, just numbness. I gave her a choice me or the other guy, which by this time I wanted to rip his head off and shove where the sun don’t shine. I fought this urge because I promised my wife, my parents, my kids and myself I would never go back to that old person and I would be there for them and not locked up for my stupid old ways. My wife who has always been the center of my life said she couldn’t decide between me or the jerk, this is what hurt. My wife has since decided she wants to work on our marriage although I have yet to see any remorse, mostly because she still feels justified in her affair. Right now the only thing I have to hang on to is she did chose me over him. Of course he went back to his wife and denied every knowing my wife and then once he couldn’t get out of the truth, because I provided enough evidence to his wife, he told his wife it was only physical to him. My wife still loved him and claimed he loved her even after he said it meant nothing to him. He told my wife he was divorcing his wife and wanted to be with mine! Yet he ran back to his wife once he found out I was tracking down his wife to let her know what he had been doing!
    I have signed us up for Marriage Boot Camp, the Dr Phil sends couples to, and my wife is all for going. I am willing to do whatever I can to save the marriage but I still have this feeling that I should go ahead and send the divorce papers through. I also keep having the though that I should go out have myself an affair, but I would never do that. I gues I should mention that me and my wife have never been with anyone else, but we can’t say that anymore. She went out and experienced what it is like being with someone else so my brain keeps saying I should do the same, but my heart says no way! One problem we are having is she has no idea how this effects a man, because she is a women, and I can’t explain it to her.

  113. Davis tagala says:

    I really need help please my wife cheated on me of 10 years I’m broken

  114. Davis says:

    Could anyone give me advice

  115. Monzy says:

    I really believe your article will help me out im emotionally distressed

  116. tim says:

    i have no words.

  117. Joe says:

    Found out 1 month ago.
    Can’t think straight. Glad to see this blog exists.
    Don’t know what to say or where to begin. Until 1 month ago, I thought my marriage was “rock solid.” Not enough sex, but I thought that was “normal.”
    Just dazed and confused.

  118. Lou says:

    Hi Guys
    My heart goes out to you all. Also to those of you who admitted being the cheater – hell does not discriminate; I takes every heart it can get.
    My wife and I have been married for 13 years. We have two stunning kids. We are successful, healthy and best of friends. Three weeks ago, it all changed. My wife confided in her niece that she was planning on cheating on me with a friend of ours. I got a text from the niece, and was told my wife was planning on going to his house that afternoon. I had to battle the most awful images imaginable while I was driving home. I realised that my wife was in the arms of this friend. There was nothing I could do.
    My wife got home, and acted as if nothing in the world was wrong. That same night I confronted my friend, who asked if I would permit him the opportunity to explain, and I said no. I told him he forfeited that luxury. My wife denied everything until the following morning when she finally broke down. She admitted to me that they slept together the previous afternoon. She admitted having had an emotional relationship with him for the last two months. She admitted to “sexting” or whatever the hell you call it. Everything slipped my mind. I felt the most intense pain I have ever encountered.
    My wife explained to me that she felt neglected. She fell for this guy because he made her feel good about herself. He made her feel sexy. She was not in love with him. Now, most of you would agree that this explanation was irrelevant. There is just absolutely no justification for cheating. I however had to be honest with myself. As my wife lay crying in bed, my hart broke. Not out of self-pity. Not for my situation, but for us. The bond I had with my wife was the only thing real in my life. And I had to admit that I had a hand in this. I neglected my friend. I broke her heart. We failed each other.
    I was writing this to perhaps give another perspective. I understand that some of you would not agree, and that many of you cannot forgive the betrayal. That is your absolute right; no one can ever fault you for that. But some of you might be in the situation that I am in. My wife asked, even begged me to get help prior to this. My wife screamed for attention, and I was always too tired to listen. I thought our situation to be normal. Hell, I am an attorney, I have a stressful job right? We have two small kids, we should be tired, right? We are constantly fighting, but that is normal right? Wrong.
    I had in my life only made three promises that I deem important. Two was to God, when I baptised my kids. The other was to my wife, before God. I failed her as she failed me. Her betrayal was dirty, cheap, once. Mine was prolonged, painful and just as real.
    I am not in any sense arguing for the cheaters here. I hate what my wife did. I still feel so much pain that I sometimes just break down. I will probably never erase these images form my mind. I do however accept my responsibility in this. I teach my son to be strong, to be a man. I demand from him to take responsibility for his actions. What kind of a man would I be if I leave his mother alone in this. There is a very real danger in being the victim. The world has unconditional pity with you. The cheater has no defence, none. I strongly agree that you should never make decisions while being showered with this pity. If you were, like me, also responsible for the situation – own up to your part. Let the real healing begin.
    To those of you who were really blameless in this betrayal, I can only imagine the degree of pain you feel. I wish you all happiness and healing. We are all members of a club we did not want to be part of. The fees are extremely expensive, the benefits basically none.

  119. pete says:

    This situation is for the record books. My wife of 25 years( and she is my world) was involved in a rear end car crash by a retired AZ state trooper in Colo were he vacationed. My wife had a previous injury that gave her free use of taxi’s for her doctor visits. The car crash made her need 3 visits per week and 2 were not covered by insurance. State Farm was the carrier for the vacationing guy that hit us. My wife went to the emergency room that night for her back. Somehow the driver for her taxi convinced her (she gets sedation at her doc visits) that I, as the husband was bad and he would become her savior. Together my with my wife we purchased and ran 3 rental houses. This guy lived in his taxi. He manipulated her and they got caught doing “it” in his taxi by the police. so for 11 months they continued and she would come home very late , then sleep with me. They staged an argument using a different police dept. to have me taken away using domestic violence as the reason. They asked her to leave. Thank God. I find out about the police report 11 months prior (im wondering what the cops were called for) then find his taxi just west of were she was staying with ice all over the windows (it had been there all night). It all adds up now. Then she comes and goes, and its nuts at home. everything is my fault she says, and denies she is with him. She is my wife and I want to believe her. But everytime a doc visit she is gone sometimes days then weeks then a month. We, we have an 11 year old son, go looking for her in motels when he notices his car in a motel lot. wasn’t looking for him, but
    checked the registry for her and Yep she was there. she denies she was in the same room and comes home for a few weeks. Doc appointment has her leave and she is gone 6 weeks. Its been over 2 years now, this family has been destroyed by this, but she continues, and has added “I’m not a man”. Her 25 year old daughter Hates her, and our son pretty much also. There was a lot of pain pills found in the taxi when they were caught, so he was supplying her. under the influence of those, the state farm detective recorded her acting normal. I proved it was a 18 mph rear hit, but her tapes showed normal. she won the case but lost the award. I filed to divorce her only to wake her up. They together filed and she was given a protection order against me. He backed up her false claims and the judge bought it. So now I’m not able to talk to her. The divorce goes final. She is awarded 2 of the houses. She is disabled and cant take care of one house much less two. I have custody and the main house where he lives and one other that is rented. but my business model is ruined. she did all the wrong, and I pay the price. Its a no fault state, they say. This guy cant run rentals either, he has no tools and cant be around dust or anything because he has, get this…HIV. That’s right HIV. I’m exposed to his monkey filth through her, before she went off for that 11 months. They say I need to test positive for a crime charge. Still negative, still. Oh, I should mention he drove her to our banks and they took 18000 from our joint accts, This is a legal crime done to me and this family. He listed an address on the police report, when I talked to her< she said he has done this a lot before and wont leave until she is in debt. she tells me he is a master manipulator and a chess player, he will take what he wants. Let me tell you, these laws are set to let this happen. In the divorce court. I'm told that half the debt from State Farm is mine. I owe 25000 which has been cut to 13000. I had no say and still fought for her, all while she hid in motels. I've tried talking this down more but the really want that money, Insurance should pay for this travesty that was caused by there insured, but they say they had no liability. Ive lost three years, two houses, been exposed and my wife is gone. I was on the case for a consorseum part , but needed to drop it cause of all the crazy would have come out on the courtroom. It was part of the case I say. State Farm got away and now I need to pay them. God is this a wrong.

  120. joe says:

    Found out that my wife cheated 2 months ago.
    Went to marriage counselor who said no point in going forward with couples therapy until she dumps the guy. She refused to dump him.
    Marriage counselor said “give it 3 months.”
    I have 3 kids age 11, 9,7.
    In the meantime, she is constantly going out. Spent $$ on clothes and continues to “disappear” 4 nights a week. Today is Sunday. Both Friday and Saturday I was at athletic events with my kids. she was gone from 2 pm until after I went to sleep.
    Spoke to lawyer who told me do not leave the house under ANY circumstance.
    This is torture. Losing it.
    I need advice.

  121. Christopher Cook says:

    Hey there. I’ve been watching your blogs lately trying to honestly get a feel on if your real sincere in your helping with such a sensitive subject. You seem sincere so I figure that I will give it a shot. I’ve been with my girl for 6+ years now. We started dating in college but I was a kid then. I slept with alot of women in college because it was the cool thing to do. Upon leaving college I decided that this was the woman I wanted to be with forever. Ever since I’ve been the ideal man towards her. I even moved to her city to show my commitment. Upon moving to her city I found out that she was having an affair with her boss at work. I’ve been really torn up about it. I haven’t gotten over it and I need help. I wanna make it work and trust again but everytime i seek the truth, I get it and its always her being unfaithful. What do I do??? How do I overcome this betrayal??? You does it even hurt so bad???

  122. Travis Wagoner says:

    I hope this works, I really care for my wife, and she said she chose me over the other….,

  123. PeterJ says:

    I was thunderstruck when I discovered that my wife was cheating me about two months ago.I had concussions, completely devastated, not capable of understanding how everything I knew and believed in/about life, beliefs went upside down.

  124. Kjm says:

    So I was deployed with the Marines for the war in 2003 (left Jan. 22). My girlfriend at the time and I were living together for several years and talked about marriage, we knew we were going to at some point. However because of the deployment we eloped a week before I left. I did my year, came home, we were married before family and friends in 2004 (summer) having told most of our family only about the marriage before deployment most thought we were just engaged.

    So now I come home we start life, we have 3 kids, successful careers, I became a cop her white collar. The most we fought about was loading the dishwasher… things were great (so I thought). Fast fwd to April 30th 2014, I come home from work and happen to see a text on her phone when I unplugged it from the charger… it was sexual from a contact name “Jen H”. I question her and she lies her ass off, swears on our kids its a misunderstanding. So I investigate and after several weeks I confront her with my facts.

    She eventually after 10 more weeks caves and tells me she first had an affair with this guy from college for 6 months of my deployment in 03. I came home and they stopped. According to her, a result of FaceBook they reconnected in 2013 and had another 10month affair, devious too- hotel rooms during the work day, blowing off time with me and our kids… awful. He (the other guy) is married too so I told his wife, she I could immediately tell was weak.

    So now what do I do, I’m like 6 months in, gone through all the ups and downs but she is actually trying (so it seems) but because of her lies and stories (which I have not even scratched the surface of) I don’t trust her… I feel in my heart there is more and given her always existent high sexual drive (I married the lady in public and freak in the bedroom) I know she was up to more and capable of it again or may have had much more encounters than I know— basically the 1 thing I know is I will never know.

    I feel she is working in counseling with me for the kids but I have so many insecurities as a result of this and feel like if I deviate off of trying to be a perfect husband she will drift again. WTF do I DO now!!!

    Pretty sure I want to leave her at some point, but my youngest kid is 3 and I just can’t be with out my kids… I ‘m like a prisoner & a pussy

  125. Donovan says:

    I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 months with her boss. I have two kids. One is not mine. I was there when she had the first child and raised her like my own and love her like my own. The second child was mine. We got married and are have been for 2 years now…. But she’s been sleeping with her boss that is also married and his wife was pregnant at the time. I would watch the children while she “worked late”. I would let her and trust her to go on buisness meatings with him (not niave. I wanted her to know I trusted her). I even let her go out and drink with him because I didn’t want to be that “jealous guy”. I started noticing signed that she may have feelings for him about six months ago. I finally called her out on it when she said his name while we were “making love”. It broke my heart. Like I said, it’s been about 4 weeks now and she quit her job, blocked all communication with him, and he lost his job because of it (which made me happy). But I’m a wreck. Every day I spend with her is a pain to my heart. I put myself into a hospital to get help. I’ve missed days from my job because of this. I’m feeling the best answer is to leave her and clear my head. Out of sight out of mind. I don’t know why I’m still around or why I’m trying anything. I don’t even know why I’m writing on this webpage like it’s got some goddamn answer. I’m just tired of feeling alone. I feel ashamed cause people know. I feel like a pussy for crying about it. I feel disrespected cause when I worked at night they would fuck in my house. I feel like a fool cause she would call him her “work husband”. I fucking can’t do it anymore and I feel trapped without any answers.

  126. Dan says:

    Hey guys, sorry to hear about all of this. So far as i know, my wife has not cheated on me but please let me know what you guys think. My wife went to the store a few weeks ago, came back told me and showed me a note some guy left on her window saying she was hot and so on with his number and if she wants to hang out give him a call, ok so she . comes home shows me the note and then says she thew it away. I just now found the note in her car folded up so instead of throwing it away she put it back in her car. So as of right now im not sure if she called this guy and is cheating on me or not. She is the type that if i ask she will deny it. Not sure really how to go about this, its bothering me so bad i just want to freak out but I really have no proof beside the note being in the car and as of right now im keeping my cool and she doesnt know that i know the note is in her car. please give me some let me know what you guys think we have been married for 4 years. Thanks

    • Don says:

      Put a tracer in her car where she cant find it! Radio shack has them for about 100 dollars! I am thinking about putting one in my wifes car as she is always gone for a long time!

  127. Nathan Jackson says:

    My wife had sex with a coworker out of nowhere, we have had our ups and downs in our marriage, as all relationships occasional experience, but this was mind numbing. I love her so much and we got married young and started a beautiful family, we have a baby girl and a baby boy. She began staying out late and not coming home, leaving me in binds with my work and I had to figure things out for my kids. I have been an incredible father and husband but I feel like I’m getting a raw deal. We were childhood sweethearts and now things have taken a turn for the worst. She tells me that it was a one time thing and she felt gross, and it lasted like 2minutes, but recently she had lied so much that I don’t know what to believe. I found out going through her phone and she had since quit her job but I am pretty sure she still messages this guy, and I have no desire to look through her phone ever again! She seems indifferent of my feelings, she gave a half-hearted apology, saying that she thought she was single after an argument which is bs since we took views and haven’t gotten our marriage annulled. I don’t know how long I can live with this woman. The worse part is that she generally is tough to have sex with, we have incredible sex and trust me I know what I’m doing, but we go through periods where she doesn’t want sex for like a week, then we do it like rabbits the next, but I don’t know if I can even look at her anymore after this, what do I do?

  128. Alex D says:

    I have the same problem
    My wife cheated on me, and the most divesting she brought the MF to my bed
    Now I cant even think strait.
    The MF came to buy my quad and i was it home she never new hem before and she start F…..N hem.
    We lived together for 10 year and have 3 beautiful child and I don’t know what to do now.
    I’m lost

  129. David says:

    I am 43 years old my wife of 14 years (we have been togather for 20) old me about an affair ehe had 6 yers ago. Its been 3 weeks since she told me and I am still falling apart. Everyday I run a gambit of emotions, I am starting to become self destructive. I feel like I am stappped to the back of an angry bull riding a roller coaster. Since 2008 (the year she cheated) I have had to go through several surgeries on my back, because of this I am unable to work. I bring in 50 less then our rent per month on disability. I really need to read your book, I need help. I can’t even get into counciling until mid December. I need a friend right now, She was / is my whole life. My wife and I are serious about staying togather… I just dont know how long I can hold on before something changes or I finally snap. I have no family or friends or I would have already borrowed the money for this book, there is no other resourse out there.
    –im emotionally spiralling out of control.

    Sent from my Android phone with Mail. Please excuse my brevity.

  130. Davud says:

    I would really appreciate it if you could give me advice right now. I am in the US Army and my wife told me today that she cheated on me yesterday with someone she had called her friend because he had said he would gives her money but when they met up in person he said he wouldn’t give her the money he promised unless she slept with him. She felt she made the right decision. The reason why she needed money is because we are broke after paying for only half of the things we needed and our bah and cola hasn’t kicked in, we’ve been married for almost 3 months and my leadership hasn’t started helping till it was too late. So how should I handle this?

  131. john says:

    Thanks for this I found out the the woman I feel in love with has been cheating on me the whole time we have been together 9 yrs married little over 1 yr. I always suspected it but could never prove, and didn’t want to walk away because we have 2 kids together. she was smart about it she was doing it while i sleep soon as i would fall asleep. I found out when my kids told me there was a man coming over at night. that was my 31st birthday gift… lol and to be honest you could only imagine what I’m going through she wan’t admit nothing so i know it’s time to go . I’m waiting till after holiday to leave so kids don’t get sad on x mas Dudes if you can’t catch her Check in the middle of the night..

  132. Don says:

    After reading about all these women cheating on their husbands I can only say one thing get rid of these lying cheating bitches and get a hot car and hit the gym and start finding a decent woman or start hitting a few women all together!

  133. Mike says:

    My world fell apart I suppose around three weeks ago, I thought things were going well, sure we’d had our problems in the past just like any couple but we had talked and I’d thought we’d worked things out. I met my partner 9 yrs ago and at the time she had a sin from a previous relationship who was just turning 7, her previous relationship fell apart as he was a alcoholic and tried to beat her. I treated the child as my own and just under a year later we had a child together, we all moved into my house and things were food though financially right. We then decided to build a large extension to the house which put us under even more of a strain and finding money for family days out became really tight, over the next few years (5) we had I would say maybe 5 big arguments no more.
    Anyway in May this year I proposed to my partner in Florida and she said yes, all I could see was a happy future together for our family. Then in July this year the company I worked for closed and I was made redundant with bo pay or redundancy, I got a new job within a week but due to dares etch only got paid in September so has you can imagine a lot of financial pressure. In October this year she went away to a army reunion and whilst in Scotland got drunk and gas sex with a former “friend”.
    After 3 weeks of her return I received an e mail from the other parties wife telling me what had happened, I confronted my partner and she broke down and admitted it, she was physically sick telling me but it made me feel no better. She claimed i had left her years ago and I was only with her for my son and that she was just waiting for me to end it and throw her out, our talks had accomplished nothing and we slipped back into the daily grind it seems, she’s gone now, on her own volition to her sisters and taking my son and stepson. Life feels so empty, I can’t eat, sleep or think straight, we been out on a few shopping trips for presents for the kids but it hurts like hell. Not sure which way to turn

  134. Jon says:

    This just happend to last night and I am lost

  135. jt says:

    Let me tell you my sorry story…yea..yea.. my wife of 19 years cheated on me with her so call childhood friend for the last of our 19..oh.. plus 3 teenage has nothing to do with’s has everything to do with her. I’m proud I kept my marriage vows. I worked my ass off for my family and damn if I don’t. Guys it’s a power struggle a mind game for them, it’s their poison and if you take it you will surely die from it slowly. I refuse to take part in any of these immature games my wife was playing, denying, denying, I just filed for divorce, gave her everything I could or had left and got the hell out of dodge. I don’t deserve this and will not accept it…I’m feeling better with no regrets..I’m 45 years old and not afraid to start from zero again. at least I can leave with my dignity and pride as a time for MAN UP..stand up for yourself..

  136. Gidd says:

    From a hard man, to an absolute broken man. That’s how I am feeling a 6 days after finding out. I’ve never felt love before amd have dated over 26 ladies until i found her. She meant everything to me. We travelled overseas, bought a house together and a day before I found out we were at a fertility doc…we’re planning to have kids.

    All of this for jack sh1t. She slept with a coworker twice and fooled around with him countless times. She’d take off sick from work to be with him. Then come home and tell me she loves me. Even now after making her go on her hands and knees and beg me to take her back, she says I am her everything and she can’t be without me – BUT WHY F AROUND TO BEGUN WITH IF I MEAN SO MICH TO YOU???? She was my goddam first love amd my first sex experience even though I’ve had so many opportunities before. It’s not a physical problem on my side, i am quitr well blessed. It’s not emotional, I treat her like a queen and we have an open communication relationship, so alwaysbsharing our likes and dislikes.

    How the f did this happen if we were so ‘perfect’.

    I don’t know what to do, I just don’t.

    • jt says:

      My story like yours I treated her the same; she began to look at me like a servant not a husband, I was her Beta provider; “the nice guy”. Assert yourself Alpha her A$$ on her never again or it’s game over..Just my experience..when a women BONDS with another man emotionally and sexually; you’re just sh!t in her eyes. You become just an obstacle blocking her fantasy. My WH@RE was at it for 2+years until I found out..first rage,grief..than ALPHA MAN..the man I’ve suppress for so long.
      If your case was short term affair it might be salvageable, She needs help counseling. It’s not your fault, remember that. Don’t let her turn the table around on you and blame you for her guilt. She needs to take full responsibility for her action.. and prove her trust to you again on whatever condition you want..good luck, stay strong.

  137. Tim says:

    I just found out my wife is cheating on me and I confronted her just so she could in return lie to my face. Now telling me she wants to be alone. I bought us a new log home in the mountains not even a month ago and then this…What am I going to do. I I devestated and emotionally fried. Im lost right now please help.

    • David Cunningham says:


      Sorry to hear about your plight. Hang in there brother. If you can, seek solace in your family and friends. See a doctor and make sure you eat well. You are number one now so take care of yourself. If she wants to be alone, let her go. She’s lied to you once – if you take her back you can never fully trust her unless she is totally transparent. My guess is that she is not going to be like that. You deserve someone who is going to be totally honest with you and who loves you for who you are. It will hurt like hell but I don’t see any other choice for you unless she has a total attitude reversal.

      Stay strong brother.

  138. Phil says:

    I truly feel for all of you guys, cheating is the hardest thing to endure. Many of you have worse stories than i but i still feel the need to read and talk about it. I’ve been married for three years, have a 2 year old son, house, dogs, cars, bills, etc. together. I’ve never cheated on my wife, we’ve been through a rough patch over the past year and the Sex started to decline to once every week or two. She plays in a volleyball league that started 3 months ago. Started acting distantly, going out til 3 in the morning for drinks after the games… I never thought she’d cheat on me because she’s been cheated on before by an ex. While on vacation 5 weeks ago I had a dream that she confessed to seeing other men. I woke up in the middle of the night a nervous wreck and went through her iphone. Found some alarming Facebook messaging but nothing damn in so I waited til we were home before I asked her about it. Said it was nothing major, haven’t done anything physical and I ask her to end it thinking it was an emotional affair only so far, and she said ok. 4 nights ago much the same happened as a slept. Woke up went through her phone and they were talking about his Dick while I was putting our son to bed. Shit hit the fan and she admitted to jerkin him off a few times in his car after volleyball. I’m trying to take the high road and treat her with respect while we work thru it. I know it’s gonna be a long time before I trust her again but I’m willing to do it. I will say that this is her last chance before I leave. Until then I’m working out again, thinking happy thoughts, and trying to remind her why she fell in love with me In the first place. I think it’s the right way to go, what do you guys think?

  139. Nate says:

    I don’t know what to do or not to do.

  140. David Cunningham says:

    I posted my story on July 25 2014. Thought I’d drop by and give an update.

    I was diagnosed with acute depression on July 30. I hadn’t self harmed and there was no intention to but I was deemed to be “at risk”. I spent two weeks in a mental health facility. I was spoken to by various doctors and psychologists. Upon release, I spent some time at my parent’s house and started exercising again. After some time, I started feeling better physically as I was eating well too. My sleep patterns came back and slowly my confidence did as well. I returned to work (I’m a police officer) on Sept 1.

    I have communicated with my wife but have kept it strictly business like and only speak about our daughter. She called me once crying about how “exhausted” she was but I brushed it off. I have no idea if she is still seeing/communicating with this guy (I believe she still is) but there is a small light at the end of a very long tunnel for me. I have begun to socialise again (that was hard at first) and I have met a woman who has been through a very similar experience. We are friends at the moment but the fact that she actually talks to me and is interested in my life rather than a dumb computer game is very refreshing.

    To everyone I say hang in there and be strong.


  141. julius says:

    Happy moment, i am a business man and i am married with 2kids, our marriage was moving on well until my wife start changing towards me i never knew she was seeing her ex and she just came to my room to tell me she needs a divorce. I had to make some investigation then i noticed my wife is seeing her Ex, i was touched and was looking for a solution because i know my wife very well we were both in love and we lived happily but all of a sudden things changed. I just believed that something is wrong somewhere, Then I contacted Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) after which i have read some wonderful reviews on the internet, i called him to explain it all he just told me that my wife has being blind folded with black magic, So i begged him to please help me out and make my wife come back to her normal sense because she became a total stranger to everybody even turned against her own kids but God bless Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) for bringing my wife back to my arms within 48hours i am so happy my wife has come back to her normal self. She cried and asked for forgiveness for all the emotional trauma she caused me. Am just so happy that things is working out well also with my business. He also healed my dad cancer that he has been suffering with for over a year. Contact Dr Mutuma today his a man of his word and i know he will surely put a smile on your face like he just did for me. Am so happy.

  142. David Lee says:

    my wife feels that her few times cheating with two differentmen was do to her PTSD. the PTSD is the problem and the cheating was a symptom. this makes me feel as if I had nothing to do or could have not prevented her from cheating. she tells me the PTSD makes her feel nothing empty inside so therefore she has no feelings for me or the person she slept with. opposed to someone cheat without PTSD your partner is the problem and the symptom is cheating. if it was the PTSD that made her cheat it makes me feel better knowing it was out of my hands but the symptom still hurt. Or maybe I’m just wrong maybe she just cheated and is using the PTSD as an excuse. either way she never left me and I’m struggling with who I’m living with. A PTSD victim or a monster using it as an excuse.

  143. Louie says:

    I never thought she was capable of this. I already made the mistake of raging when I suspected. I know I pushed her into further to him. I’m ready to stop showing her anger and I’m changing for her, but it feels like its too late. I never thought she could do this.

  144. Buck B says:

    My wife and me recently split up and she moved back home out of state. She started having an emotional affair with her ex boyfriend 2 years before that and they are still at it today. It’s recently become physical. I found out about a month ago when I saw the text messages. She said she want to get back together since we have 3 kids,but she continued her relationship with this guy and I found they were now communicating through Facebook messenger. She says she’s in love with him,but wants to stay together and will cut it off with him. I was a terrible husband, but I want to give it another shot. Not sure what to do since I cheated on her for years and not sure if you will cut it out with this guy.


  145. Nick says:

    Kevin I hope really you can help my wife cheated on me with 5 guys some my friends or people that I know and her boss that I did work for. Im not my self out of control and emotional unstable.

  146. Jason says:

    I was jst lookin for answers n came across this i jst found out about two weeks before christmas my wife had been sending pictures to two other married men one was her boyfriend from highschool who she has cheated with before another was supposed to b a friend of mine we go to church with. Turns out she has slept with both of them the friend happened jst last year and now my world is upside down we have two kids that are my world n no matter how much she has done for some reason i still love her i have no idea wat to do she seems to b sorry for wat she has done and has agreed we need help but this hurts so bad sometimes i get in my truck and dont even know were i was goin life suck s

  147. cody says:

    Well I cough my wife cheating on me on my vacation she was talking to this guy she used to go to school with and he said that they kissed and he finger ed her. I do t know what to do I saw the sent pictures to each other and I told her to stop and we can work this out but I found her still talking to him and then found her t
    Twitter and him and her are still friends and I don’t trust her and I just feel like shit and there is know point t of live and we have kid and I don’t know what to do so plz help me I’m so lost and hurting

    • Ian Bruce says:

      Hi all

      I caught my wife cheating the other night. Her cousin came over from Aussie and spending a couple of nights with us. We were drinking during the night and I went to bed early as had work the next morning at 5 :30 I got up to go for a piss and saw them out on the deck kissing embrace with a lot of passion hard out and rubbing each other genitals. I watched for about two mins then confronted them. They had a lot of alcohol and my wife doesn’t really remember…shit this gives me butterfllies just writing it. It not an affair and they said they didn’t know what happened the next day and said that they were just really pissed. I am so hurt and humiliated and embarass and my world sucks. Its not like it was an affair it happen with her own family like its blood. It was so lucky that one of my children didn’t get up for a glass of water and caught them. They were about to go upstairs and well lets just leave it at that. I’m gutted and disgusted. He is married as well with no kids but only 32 my wife 40. How could this happen! In my own home with me and our children asleep. It screws the shit out of me. Only 4 days ago and he has now left. So was still in the house a couple days after. You can’t tell anyone and there family..strange there family as it would just fuck everybody up…what do you do I;m so angry and hurt

  148. kris says:

    Guess I am not the only one, need help

  149. Zach says:

    My wife cheated early on in our marriage. It was hurtful and depressing but some how I got over it . We lived a happy life after that for about 5 years. Now recently she admitted she cheated again. This time I can’t get over it and a feel so betrayed and sad and angry. Now we have kids who mean the world to me. I love her so much and when I see her I get a gut ache and I can’t trust her to go to the store. She keeps her phone locked from me. My life is a wreck.

    • Brad says:

      I feel ya man, I used a key logger on my wife’s phone you only need to upload and set the app up after that it records calls and text then emails it to you covertly…With that said I did that with my wife about 2 years and that 2 years made me a nervous fucking wreck I never found her talking to the guy again and eventually she got a new phone and I stopped. I also got all her corispondence between them and sent it to his wife which tore his family apart making his wife and kids move into a hotel…Get where I’m going with this? I ruined 3 innocent lives by getting revenge. That’s my story anyway, stay strong bro.

  150. brandon says:

    A few months ago I had a gut feeling my wife was up to something. I decided to do some detective work by going to my cell phone provider website and look at recent text from my wife’s phone as she guarded her phone like it was a part of her body. I saw a text from one of her coworkers that was asking how her relationship ship with a guy named Brent was goning. The text messages just got worst from there. Took me about three days to wrap my head around it. Then I confronted her and she was shocked! About 2 weeks later I decided to tell her it was probably better that I just leave. Her face went completely pail but she said nothing. The next day I began to look for apartments. My wife comes to me and tells me she ended it the day I told her I knew and she couldn’t lose me and begged me to stay. So as of right now I am still with her and want to be but damn it!! It is truly an emotional rollercoaster from hell. I would never hurt my wife but I’m thinking it might fill better if I take some anger out on this Brent guy! I love my wife damn it but WTF! Rather have that magic pill!

  151. Paul Farzi says:

    All of this is amazing

  152. Random says:

    Just curious to read this

  153. andrew says:

    My wife cheated on me with a friend and co worker, it happen for nearly 3 years behind my back, when i found out i was devastated. She denied it for 30 mis to an hour until i told her i had proof, then she said she never slept with him but i know him and he is a excon dog. He denied anything then finally told me she keep getting a hold of him. She took the number out of my phone and contacted him from the start. We have a 5 and 7 year old boy and girl. I found out she continued to talk to him for 3 more months and all the time i was showing her i was a good man helping more and being there for everything possible. But i have mentioned it alot when she tries putting me down and talk down to me in front of our kids, she is liying i know it but wont admit it, we recently had a argument and she took off to her moms for time apart its been 3 days and she said shes coming back finally let me talk to our kids after two days. I dont know what to do if she leaves me i want to have atleast half custody of my kids but she is smart and milipitive and knows what to do. I need help more than ever ive been nothing but good to our kids and her.

  154. Soriano says:

    This has been so helpful for me.

    I have survived my wife’s affaire 5 years ago, it was a very long process. Now I’m facing even a tougher challenge. My wife cheated again but this time with twice someone from the office but it ended and now someone she met in Tinder. Is this marriage still worth fighting for?

  155. JD says:

    I’m sorry I am not ready to comment yet but will tell my story when the time is right.

  156. steve says:

    My wife cheated on me and im not even sure exactly how long.My mother in law is the one that told me she brought this ms n into my house while I was at work and it broke me literally. Im still devastated I keep thinking how could she do this to me or why me I’ve never felt so alone and betrayed. She told me she wanted to separate a few weeks before I found out she was cheating on me.I had a feeling when she said that she wanted to separate the first thing I thought of is she’s cheating on me but I didn’t want to believe it.All the signs kept piling up as my anger and emotions were spiraling out of control I knew I needed help.

  157. Gerhard says:

    So, here I go. I cheated on my wife, I’m younger and at the time, immature, dumb reason but one nonetheless. I owned up to it when confronted about it and told her the truth, that it was a once off and that I didn’t finish because I realized what I was doing. She then had an affair with a co worker, who is also married and with kids and when confronted I got told a bs story. I decides to dig deeper and got the truth and oh how deep it was!!! I am near suicide and if the oppartinaty presents it self I might take it. The things I read and heard is enough to drive any MAN insane. I’m lost and will forever be.

  158. Mike wayne says:

    To many years I then paid the Price why she had to put all this drama in my life day after day I was trying so you can love me playing vacations keeping my cool see I I’m just a man trying to do all I can but didn’t have to work I had all the ends , I sacrifice and I swolled my pride on along road I never thought I say I hate you bitch

  159. Merlin says:

    I found out yesterday. She told me on the phone. She was traveling for work which was a “conference” (more like a convention) and on the last day, went to a gala with her friend/colleague, her friend’s boyfriend, and two other guys. She says she doesn’t remember leaving the gal and going to a bar where they all continued drinking. I guess the story is that she started dancing with her friend’s partner. It must have need club or seductive dancing (fuck, fuck, fuck) and then she loses her wallet. Then this guy and my wife have a brilliant idea to go look for her ID. yeah. Ok. Great idea to go and look for id at his hotel. So, they take a cab and go to his room. From there, my mind is mush and I don’t want and can’t get rid of the images that flash before me. I texted her everyday she was out of town to tell her I love her. Why? Why, ffs? The night of the incident, I texted her to remind her to have fun but not to forget about her flight in the morning, to which I only had the response: “I wish you were here with me.” So, I sent in a couple more texts in the morning around 20 minutes prior to her flight. I get a response. She’s panicking because I learn she lost her wallet. She also texts to say she needs to talk to me. Being so naïve, I think it’s about missing her flight because she got too liquored at the gala. I had no knowledge of them going to any bar or hotels after the gala and she told me before she left for the trip that she wouldn’t drink too much. I was at work in a colleague’a office waiting for her call and start asking staff about who might be in the city she was in to see if they could help. Well, the call wasn’t at all what I expected. she says she was blind drunk. I try to think its the dirty cocksucker’s fault for taking advantage of my wife and that she is the victim here. The problem is that she says it wasn’t rape. So I’m sitting here. All fucked up in the head. Don’t have anyone at all to talk to. Feeling ashamed. Exhausted. Embarrassed. But mostly, alone. Writing this makes me feel a bit better. But I’m so confused. I love her. I also know how she can get when she’s really, really drunk and I makes my stomach turn knowing another man has had this experience with her now. (She’s a wild one when she’s had some sauce). But now I’m ill just thinking about this. I don’t know how to cope. I’ve let her back in the house. Neve kicked her out. Even sleeping in the same bed. I can’t come to kiss her yet. But it’s lit only two days in. I’m still in shock I think. She seems extremely remorseful but the fact is that my mind is tearing me apart. I want to forgive but not being able to forget may be the deal breaker and it scares the living shit out of me. Please excuse my vulgar language. I’m just writing from the heart and we are all adults here who can probably understand. Thanks for listening and proving a forum for “us”. I’m Sure if we are here and write something, we can all appreciate that this is truly and very unexpectedly hard to deal with. Thanks tundurin jeebus that no kids are involved in my story. Still hard. Wanted kids with her.

  160. Terry says:

    I just found out my wife has been cheating on me with a guy she worked with last summer.We have been together about 30 years .she is still seeing him but let’s on that there is nothing wrong in our marriage.i feel hurt and depressed at the same time.a good friend last year found out his wife was cheating and he hung himself.thats all I can think about.

  161. jun latorre says:


    My wife started getting cold when she went with her niece to singapore and malaysia back august 2014, she was away for almost a week, 2 weeks no communication then after that she emerged in Malaysia where her niece is based, you can see in her eyes that as if a woman came from honeymoon, as she got back home expectiing that she’d missed me but its the other way around am tired, etc. then in many instances i catch her during unholy hours when i get up and pee she is awake and on her phone texting or messaging when I asked, its my client or friend, jeezz during wee hours. her phone is password locked even hour kids cant touch her phone when they want to borrow it for photos etc, fear of catching the text or call of whover. at one time after couple of months of no sex, we made it one last january but man, shes cold as if your making love to a mannequin she just stared in the ceiling. i have a strong hunch the reason for this coldness is that she was stung by another. when asking her she just denies but even our daughter tells me that when im away mom is usually on the phone with headset so no one can hear but she is flattered when she talks, not common for “clients” or maybe her lover is her client. am confused, i dont believe in fortune tellers but i came across one and tried to ask, by mere lookng at her picture, sir sad to say she has an affair…..with her client, she’s out of town with her sis in law and man she never picks up the phone or replies back to my sms, she’ll be home this monday…i dont know if she might give me a bomb, am confused



  162. jun latorre says:


    further, i remember her telling me i need more space….

  163. Brad says:

    Hey man, don’t know if this counts but 2005 my wife cheats on me while I’m deployed. With another servicmember at the time I find out she is already 8 months pregnant with our second kid (did the DNA test to I hHAD to know) so the guy gets in trouble through the Navy I never did anything bad to him beside spam bomb his email and send bits and pieces of his emails between my wife and him to his wife. Any way its been almost 10 yes and recently I went through my browser history at home to find something I was looking at night before and I see that she was looking at him on this house rental site called airbnb. Since then I have litterly done all I could not to damage her or him. I don’t have proof they’ve even spoken, but this is JUST so much. I only stayed with her originally because my boys, and when I first found out about it she says “because she was lonely and it would never happen again. Now I see this and I can’t even bring myself to talk to her because about 4 yes ago after we had a falling out after I got back from Afghanistan she made it sound so nonchalant, like ” everyone’s over it but me…” And to keep dwelling on it is “sick” Well that was abstab in the back, but I got over it we moved on and now I don’t what to do, Im so tired of this Ive been on 5 deployments an never cheated on her, so how am I supposed to get over this?

  164. Bob says:

    yesterday I found out that my girlfriend of seven months was also involved with the ex who preceded me. He was a controlling, manipulative jerk who bugged her phone and car to follow her. I helped with hiring a PI to debug her, get a new phone and a new place to live. When confronted with the evidence she freely admitted it and took full responsibility. She apparently reconnected with him via a business deal. She says that she is now hopelessly deeply in love with two polar opposite men. I sort of understand that that is, in fact, possible because this exact thing happened to me in the past. I love this woman more deeply than I have ever loved any other woman in my life including my former wife…….no, cheating did not end that marriage. I have told her that one mistake does not warrant the death penalty for our relationship but that she has to decide between us very quickly and that this will require an incredible amount of hard work from both of us to survive and thrive. If she decides against me I will be out of her life forever even as much as it hurts. She has this week to decide. In the meantime I’m dying here. It’s 4AM right now and I’ve slept only an hour tonight. Same last night. I’ve already lost five pounds. I’m shaking. I cry. I beat the crap out of my pillow. I watched TV but couldn’t tell you what was even on. I’ve sought out friends but couldn’t bring my self to tell them the whole story. I’m nauseous. My jaws hurt from clenching my teeth. I’m not even 48 hours into this thing. I just want to sleep but can’t. I have a full time job and I have to be in at seven. As a surgeon , I’ve operated on reduced sleep before but I’ve cut my schedule back this week a bit. I’m not dealing with this well and I’m afraid I’m in a real nose dive with this. I’ve never experienced this level of loss and I’ve lived a lot I’m in my sixties. I know that this will get better and there are still good times ahead…with her or without her. I just have to find a way to sleep a little soon. I am disciplined enough not to resort to a prescription pad for a solution. I’m gonna need some help on this one boys! I love her so………..but this has rocked my world like war, divorce and all my life’s other stressors could not even approximate. What to do…….what to do?

  165. Joe says:

    Really thankful I came across this website. I am completely lost in my life and am actually trying to date again. Has not really been working out all that well though.

    I was with my ex-wife for over 8 years and married for four. About 6 months ago she told me she had been cheating on me for 2 years. One of the guys she carried an on again off again relationship. The other guy was mixed in there a handful of times over the course of a six month period. She would tell me she was babysitting, dog sitting, spending the night at her parents. Never did I ever think she was going out on dates and spending the night in another man’s bed. I went out of town on business last Spring and she had him spend 2 full days in my house. She was unable to go on vacation and stayed home to watch my parents dogs and had the guy spend a full week in my parents home. She would go on dates with this guy when he knew the entire time she was married. She would leave the house with her ring on and take it off and put it in her wallet when she got in the car. When she would pull back in the garage she would put it back on and walk in the house.

    I have been kicking myself and letting it affect me everyday for the last 6 months. I am ready to start feeling whole again. I found an amazing woman who is becoming the target of all my anger, hate, depression, anxiety, frustration, unhappiness, stress. It’s unfair to both of us but she’s willing to help me and I have no idea where to even start my road back to my normal amazing, happy self.

  166. Joseph says:

    I have been married to my wife for 6 years. We just celebrated our 6th anniversary in February 2015. Our first year was the worst, we were questioning if we made the right decision to get married or not. But after we both figured each other out and some maturity set in we were the best couple ever. She is the love of my life. She told me she didn’t love me anymore and she wanted a divorce last week. I noticed her behavior was different for the past month but thought it may have been stress from her job. She said she had been unhappy for the last year (she put on a great show cause I didn’t know until last week). I was looking for an Ink pen in our car and came across a hand written note that said “I love you” and the one I had placed where our speedometer was, was gone… She had thrown it away. When I returned home I confronted her with this fact and she said one of her girlfriends wrote the note. I asked to see her phone and she gave it to me, and low and behold her “friend” from works text messages (who is a man) were mysteriously deleted and she didn’t know what happened to them. I took the kids in to see my family about 2 hours away that weekend to grasp what was happening. Only to check my bank account while filling up with gas to see a hotel room charge… She swears they just held hands and have never kissed but, you don’t pay $100 for a hotel room to hold hands and watch tv… She is a completely different person now. She was my best friend and person who made all the wrongs in my world right… She says she didn’t leave me for anyone and that this was coming for a long time, but it wS the first I knew about it. And even if they did only hold hands( which I’m not the fool she thinks I am) ITS STILL CHEATING. Now our whole family is ruined and will be splitting up… We had 4 kids together ages 3-10… And the guy she’s cheating with? He was 13 years old when we were first married.

  167. Joe says:

    Good to read some of these posts. so hard to deal with the thoughts and visuals and wanting to know everything. that will not help me move forward at all if we are to get back together, but I still wonder. Sucks.

    thank you for the posts.

  168. Jason says:

    I found out last week. Suspected it for months, unexplained trips to visit family, hidden Facebook and text trash. Finally gained access to her phone. Read a play by play of her and his actions with pictures and audio!!! Didn’t leave many questions to be answered. 20 years of marriage.
    She says I neglected her causing this. But has closed her FB account and all that to make it work. I don’t see it happening. The big “D” looks inevitable to me……
    Really glad to see that I am not the only dumb ass who was knocked on their ass by this!

  169. Sean says:

    It’s been building for a few weeks, I had a gut feeling and unfortunately, it came to light. I am not sure if there is/was a physical relationship but the e-mails that I read certainly showed there is a strong emotional affair. Worst part is it is her boss, who is married too, who lives several hours away. They do have the occasion to meet up from time to time, I feel like I need to ask my wife to move on from her job if we are to have a chance to reconcile. We have been married 13 years and together for over 20. I am trying very hard to keep a level head for our kids but my stomach is all in knots and I feel like I’m gonna puke.

  170. J. D. says:

    My wife began a new job last summer as an observer for commercial fishing boats in Alaska. I was nervous about her being around the fishermen thinking they would try stuff and be disrespectful to her. Well she ended up making “new friends” and one of them was a married man she met on her last boat. She was with that boat for 3 weeks before coming home and within the first day, she cheated with him. They continued to have an affair for the remainder of the time they were working together and then continue for another 2 weeks before I found the sexual text messages between them. I confronted her and she lied at first and said they had only kissed a few times. I was sick about it and the next night I finally got her to admit that they were in fact sleeping together. She said she didn’t know what she wanted any more and that her heart wanted me but her brain wanted to be single. He told her flat out that he never had any intention of leaving his wife. I was even more infuriated at the fact that she would still want to throw everything away with me after 6 years to be his “secret girl on the side” my wife is 28 and he’s in his late 40’s. It grosses me out to be honest. I’m torn apart and disgusted at the whole thing. She said she told him it all needed to stop but would cry to me and say he missed his “friendship” and was having a hard time letting him go. She only knew him for three weeks!! This all went down in October. From there it was a very distant relationship and I found out in December that she was still chasing him. She had changed his name in her phone thinking I wouldn’t find out. Her second contract in Alaska was beginning in January and I was sick at the idea of them potentially seeing each other again. She had sent him messages about how she couldn’t wait to see see him and have him keep her warm and was thinking of all the thigs she wanted to do to him. I completely flipped out when I found these. The worst part on his behalf was that it seemed like she was the annoying stage 5 clinger and he ignored her texts unless she sent him something sexual so it was very clear that he doesn’t care about her and is using her. It pisses me off and hurts me that she is willing to do this to me and our marriage for a POS like that. I told her I was done after that and she said she wanted to try to fix things. Because I’m vulnerable I gave in. I don’t trust her at all. The first 2 months she was gone things seemed to be going ok with us and her attitude really changed for the better. Then I found out she ran into him in March and they “rekindled” and have been in constant contact. She has no idea I know about this newest meeting of theirs and I haven’t decided how I’m going to handle it. I don’t want to do anything through email or the phone. I fly to see her in Seattle in the middle of May and I wanted to talk about it all then. I also found out he will be in Seattle working on the boat he’s assigned to while its in shipyard. She told her friend they have plans to spend time together and then when I come up she will spend time with me and hopefully figure out what she wants. I don’t want to be a doormat and I’m tired of this bullshit. I so badly want to go up there and bash his face in but I don’t want any legal trouble. She told her friend she knows that they have no future and they won’t last but she can’t seem to let whatever the connect is between them go. She said she knew it wasn’t fair to me and didn’t want to break my heart in this process either. She’s being super selfish but I don’t know how to turn off the “love” thing I have for her and walk away. I don’t want to make any decisions based on emotions either so I’m hoping by reading this, I’ll be guided to better choices and answers. My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do.

    • Kai says:

      I won’t tell you to break up with your wife because I don’t have experience of marriage but I will say a few things:

      You have to love yourself enough to let her go if the time comes, but you also have to forgive her not to excuse her decision to deliberately hurting you but for you to let go of the pain and heal.

      Get an STD test, sounds harsh and derogatory but its true, you dont know who else she has been messing with since your marriage and who those men may have been with, thats the problem with being sexually and morally loose we put ourselves in harms way and open ourselves up to some many bad consequences.

      You also need to be honest with yourself about what went wrong in your marriage and what decision may have led you both to this outcome, but never ever blame yourself for her sleeping with another man, she made that decision all by herself, I always struggle with the myth of monogamy, if animals can do it and they are supposedly the less intelligent species what does that say about us as humans we are supposedly top of the food chain.

      The late Robin Williams once said, its better to be alone than to be with someone who makes us feel alone. No truer words spoken, dont be swayed by her words and ability to tug on your heart strings, you need conviction because the more she carries on hurting you the more you will resent her and it will strip away values that you once believed in. You both need to openly communicate and come to an agreement thats beneficial for you both emotionally, physically and economically.

  171. CJ says:

    My wife of 19 years has denied everything so far. I know because of cell phone records, browser history and texts I’ve read that she goes out on little dinner dates w/ a traveling co-worker. Call me crazy but I don’t think they have slept together yet, but where there’s smoke, there’s bound to be fire. Now she’s talking about taking a trip w/ her GFs to the state where he lives. Instead of having the ovaries to just admit, she denies everything. The thing is that I’m to the point of not caring anymore. There’s an ex GF who keeps asking for me to visit her out of state and although I’m aware that is no solution, I’m close to saying to the wife “have fun and get the f*ck out of here.” The only thing I keep hanging on is that one kid is 1 year away from heading to college, and the other one about 5 years away. This hell won’t last too long. God bless to all of you dealing with this pain…

  172. Jeremy says:

    Just found out two days ago that my wife of 5 years, partner of 10 and the mother of my 5 year old daughter has been having an affair for 2 months. They have been communicating through g chat so I couldn’t see the texts when they came through and they don’t show up on any phone bills. She had been acting really strange and distant lately and I began to get suspicious. I walked in on her while she was on the phone and you would’ve thought she had seen a ghost. It was on speaker and I heard another guy’s voice on the other end asked her who it was and she told me it was one of her friends from work. Later that night while she was sleeping, I took her phone (I know that sounds crazy) and looked through it and found messages between them that had intimate details about what and when they had done things, nude pictures and more that I’d rather not think about. I’m devastated, feel emasculated and inadequate because of all this and I don’t know what to do next! I wish I didn’t love her so much because it’s making it really hard to let go and deal with all this.

  173. Angelo says:

    I have a weird situation, one of which I am desperate for some outside help. My wife cheated on me a month before we got married. I was kind OF skeptical but I couldn’t really believe it, if that makes sense. Anyway, it took her a year of being married before she finally admitted it. Now, I can’t help but look at her through the peripherals at all times. I want to let it go and move forward, but I am convinced that I’m stuck in the hurt, hell i’m devastated. I am more afraid of the possibility she could still be acting out because of emotional instability, but my reaction next time may not be so forgiving. I have 4 kids and I’m 26. Any and all advice will be appreciated!! THanks ~ Angelo..

    • Kai says:

      I wont pass judgement but there are some underlying issues to cheat on someone before marriage, you both need to talk and have an honest open conversation about how to move on, if you guys have no transparency then there will never be an progression

  174. john sparks says:

    Make sure she cant have sex again or him

  175. matt says:

    I was with my wife for almost 5 years. We settled in her home country (Brazil). I left Brazil to work in the US for 6 months. Within two weeks of my being away, my wife’s behaviour completely changed. She was distant, short and abrasive. This went on for almost 2 months before I eventually looked in her email account and found a quite graphic email from a colleague of hers.
    I booked tickets back to Brazil for the following week. The weekend before I flew, I found out that my wife was taking a weekend away with her “colleague” and, what truly broke my heart was she took my 4 year old daughter away with them.
    I arrived back in Brazil with my wife ignorant of my being aware of her affair. I eventually told her I knew to which she answered her colleague was just a friend. While I was in Brazil, I also caught them sending a number of messages between them.
    What has been infuriating for me, its not just the affair, it’s that she still will not accept what she’s done.

    I decided to return to the USA and continue on the course i had laid out prior to my wife’s affair. However, this means I have left behind my 4 year old daughter whom i miss desperately.

  176. Luis Asia Jr says:

    My wife of 2 years , partner of ten confessed to me that she cheated on me about a months ago… She told me over a text while I was at work… I’m so absolutely lost I’m numb

  177. I’m just trying to gather all the information & knowledge that I can right now. I need to watch out for me

  178. Eric says:

    A lot of great post here that makes me not feel alone. Married for 5 years and found out my wife was having an affair with an older married man from work. My wife suffers from depression and bi polar, which has really taken a toll on our marriage for the past 2 years. Found out about the affair one night because she used my lap top and left her e-mail account up. The affair lasted about 6 months and supposedly was over when I found out because of her guilt. It’s been about 5 months now and I moved out immediately. I’m extremely confused about life right now. In my heart I miss her and my life. We do not have any kids, just a house and 3 dogs. She is very remorseful and devastated for what she has done. She begs and cries constantly for me to come back and try to work on things, but I can’t bring myself to even try counseling. On the other hand, my head is telling to move on and seek happiness. I’ve been unhappy with our marriage for some time now, and have sacrificed my happiness to tend to her and her mental illness because as a husband I just don’t turn and run when things get tough, but then she goes and has an affair behind my back. Like I said, i’m the most confused that I’ve ever been in my life. The smart thing to do would be to move on, but I do still have feelings for her and I am worried about what will happened to her if I do leave. Suggestions?

    • Chuck says:

      Run,!!! caught my wife cheating for the 3rd time in 23 yrs. The first time was about 6yrs. I think there could be more. My point is now we are getting divorced because she loves the current guy. She told me she has always want to leave but her mom told her to stay. I sure wish I had know then what I know now. 52 and about to start over.

    • Kai says:

      Sorry for your ordeal, I understand she has a medical condition, but we have to be honest with ourselves, you dont need to be medically ill to cheat, cheating is a decision not a disease, I dont want to come across as mean but you have to see past your wifes tears and look at the bigger picture, can you truly forgive her and stay, do you feel secure as a man in your relationship, how was she coping with her condition before she met you?

      I always tell men not to fall for the tears of women not all are genuine, this may sound bad but be glad you dont have children because this would be the worst situation for them.

      If you want to stay then you have to be willing to put this behind you but she has to be willing to show now and forever that she is committed to you, but if you dont want to stay then still forgive her not for her to feel better about herself and what she did but more that you leave the baggage behind.

      As men we often feel that we dont have baggage but we do, we hurt just as women do but often we dont deal with our issues like women do and we internalise everything.

      Please work on healing, and progressing, dont let your heart be hardened because many men change when infidelity happens, take it from me I have changed slightly and I cant pretend that I didnt.

      Take as much time as you need to heal and dont let her dictate the terms of your healing, you have control over your heart, body and mind.

  179. sam bece says:

    my wife is cheating she has a denial we have been marry for a year seven months together she does claim I want to stay with you I pay most of the bills “”” but she goes every week end for seven hours never call me if I call her never answer her cell phone she sleep with her phone what ever she goes to the kitchen ,bathroom, car, every were phone call’s at 2.30am she goes to the bathroom closed the door text mail to whom???
    I got and address in her purse well down in her purse the address of a single man lives near 5 miles she does go to him park her car then walks to his place, meet him at the Park then they go together in his car. can you help me ? to tell her something

  180. Jason says:


  181. Frank says:

    I am currently in this same issue with my wife. I went to a strip club and never thought it would be a prostitution ring… but it was. My friend was there and he would have most likely stopped it, but didn’t realize what was happening either. I was so intoxicated and don’t remember making that decision as I’m sure she knew how intoxicated I was and took advantage of the situation. I found a condom on me when I went to go to the bathroom, but I didn’t put it on, so I don’t know if it was effective or not.

    I have never felt worse about it because I love her more than anything and we habe a child together. I don’t want to habe sex with her until I know if I contracted something, but I want to wait 6 months in order to be sure and I know she will know that something happened if I hold off for that long. Before we got married, I had already given her herpes and she thought I cheated on her, but I hadn’t. I was with someone before her that gave it to me and I didn’t know I had it until my first outbreak while we were already together.

    If I were her, I would leave me, but I also want to be there for her and my child. I never thought I was capible of this and I just don’t know what to do. It hurts me and I want to tell her because I am an honest person, but I don’t want her to resent me for the rest of our lives.

    I know that I could not tell her, but what you are saying is already what my friend and I disgused. I’ve already contimplated suicide because of my actions, but I know that’s not the way to go for my family. I can’t have sex with her and I’ve told her already I’m going sobor because I have drinking issues. She was so kind to me, it would kill me to break her heart.

  182. Henry says:

    I’ve been with my wife for 7.5 years. Married 4.5, I found out my wife cheated 8 month ago. It devistated me. My wife claims to have a sex addiction. I don’t believe her and this is why. She claims to have had sex with other men 1 time a year for our whole relationship. She she she’s get help. Went to 1 sex addicts anonymous meeting and never went back. Eight months later I asked why she doesn’t go and she said she feels weird in there. My wife and I have sex On a normal husband and wife basis. We let see just happen and the occasion just for the hell of it. We’ve put her “issue” in the past. Neither of us talk about it. I know she had to put a barrier up between us and I can understand her feeling changing towards me. That had to happen to have affairs. I think with her saying 1 time a year, not wanting to get help, I am confused if this quicker as a sex addiction. She holds my hand, gives kisses, we have a sex life, she says I love you. She rubs her hand on my body. All the signs of a happy healthy marriage are there. The only thing I have a problem with. It’s hard for her to show some manners of affection towards me. That’s usually by phone. We share photos, sometimes it’s a nice reply but mostly replies with a smiley. I take offense to it. I can cum in her sometimes but most of the time she frown on it and she stopped giving head. Is this related to the affairs? She says she don’t want a baby right now. Please offer advice. I know we want to work thing out but at least 1 time a month we argue and always bring up the past. We don’t want this

  183. jaime says:

    Just need to know how to deal with this situation. .

  184. speedydede10 says:

    Well, found out a week ago my wife of 3+ years cheated on me. We have been together for roughly 9 years. The kicker, it was one of my best friends. I am angry, upset, confused, not sure which path I will take. I am trying to stay strong and deal with it day by day but a part of me knows to stay in this relationship is not fair to me. She says she loves me and it was huge mistake and will do whatever it takes to win me back. Right now, I honestly feel there is no way she can ever regain my trust…

    • Kai says:

      She can regain your trust but thats if you want her too, in my experience many men struggle with forgiveness regarding infidelity, we have to be open and honest with ourselves and with our partners.

      People always say cheating is a mistake, for me I say cheating is the end result of a mistake, mistakes is when you are thinking of cheating, when you speak to the person you might want to cheat with, meeting the person, planning with the person, you cant then call sex with the person a mistake, you have been slipping since the beginning and all the decisions made ended up in sex.

      If you want to forgive her then you have to let it go and not use it against her but if you dont want to stay then you still have to forgive her for your own closure and peace, the pain will be great and will linger for a while thats for sure but it will subside if you actively work on healing yourself and moving on.

      Don’t make the mistake I made and hold on to the pain and anger, it only holds you back from living a quality life and forming good relationships.

      However I can’t not be disgusted with the decision your wife made, sleeping with a stranger is one thing but to sleep with a close friend is another degree of recklessness and selfishness, her gratification came first and thats the truth.

      I will recommend an std test because liars can lie about anything to the point that they believe their own lie.

      You will need an open and honest conversation with your wife and even your friend as to what will happen next because right now the ball is in your court.

      Even the bible talks about infidelity and it mentions that infidelity is one of the major grounds for divorce, it also points out that forgiveness is a must but staying with your wife is entirely down to you, make your mind up and make a decision before your end being resentful

  185. Mick says:

    I have been thinking my wife had an affair. I asked her about this guy and I then told her I heard that he had slept with some other women she knew. My wife went belletristic.
    She wanted to know in a very , very loud voice” WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT”!!!!!

    I think this hit home with her and she has been sleeping with him by showing this anger.
    What do you think?

  186. Travis martinez says:

    Seven months ago I hid an audio recorder in my wife’s office and caught what sounded like her and this guy she works with, which I know she has a crush on, going at it. Sad part is is that nobody can hear it unless I point it out on the recording because the damn thing picked up a lot if sound but I swear it’s her and his voices. I have played it over and over again and get the same results every-time. She denies it completely. Her behaviors at the time were very consistent of that of someone cheating. A few of my family members have listened to it and can hear what I’m talking about but, unless you know what to listen for it is hard to discern. She had always been hesitant to listen to it and when she does she is very apprehensive, stating she can’t hear a thing. We go to a counselor and he is convinced I’m crazy. She wants and he want nothing more than for me to destroy all copies and move on. She has turned everyone against me and turned me into a psychopath and her into a saint. Before all this she never called me honey or was very affectionate and now she is like a person I never met aka very affectionate. There’s more to this story but I don’t have all day to text. I still love her and am trying to work it out but the fact she will not admit it drives me crazy. When I listen to the recording it becomes very clear what happened as a matter of fact there is a point where she says she loves him yet, swears on our son’s life and everything holy that it never happened. Any comments?

  187. Ed GLOWACKI says:

    Great article can hardly wait to see the complete newsletter . Keep up the good work of supporting us guys that were f’d by their wives !

  188. Isaac says:

    Man I just bought a buisness with my wife. Pretty big deal. I had suspicions. Found out she was banging one of my employees. Worst prt is he was 22 and not even good looking. Didn’t clean himself he was so dirty I just still can’t believe it. Want to talk about fucked up. that’s it. This is the 3rd time this has happened. I think inwill get the D I loved my wife so much we had children I planned on being with her the rest of our lives. I can’t do this.

  189. Lee says:

    Wife quit church, started going out with “friends” to the bars, next thing I know she is with some guy she hasn’t even known for a week. I confronted him through text and he called and said he’ll back off, (yeah right). She’s been staying home through the week, then God knows where’s she at on the weekends. I want us to work out, I really do. Should I back off and go in damage control mode or just smother her with love?

    • Shad Dolla says:

      Smothering her with love wont work, Ive already tried it. It just makes them respect u less, Women are weird and ass backwards. We men need to stop being justifiable cucks for these women.

  190. Charles Prather says:

    MY wife has cheated on me at least 3 times that I know. The second time with my best friend from work (big scandal, everyone found out at work and he retired in disgrace and I had to walk around with everyone knowing)
    Well this time she wants a divorce. Well actually, to told me she wanted a divorce first and denied seeing anyone else, but I later found she in fact had met a guy at the gym and has been going to his house everytime she was supposed to be at gym.
    We have 5 children, 4 under 14. Now she wants me to stay around “for our kids”. My skin crawls and my blood boils every time she leaves the house to “Workout”. Im torn because I love my wife (we still have sex) but feel moments of complete rage. Do not know what to do.

    • Shad Dolla says:

      I keep seeing men saying they don’t know what to do. It’s not rocket science. She disrespected you and cucked you. What more do you need. Just leave ir make her leave. Have some dignity man

  191. James says:

    I cought my wife cheating and she will not open up. She says she wants To stay with me but wont talk about it and wants To put it behind us just du like that. I cant trust her and am paranoïd that she still having thé affair. How can I get her to talk I have so many questions that need answering. she does not want to go to a mariage councellor as I think she too ashamed or something… Shell only text at thé moment. Everytime i speak about it she has a nervouse Smile on her face and shows no emotion of guilt or seems yo care how I am feeling.

    What To do I am desperate to take her back and work this theough quickly before i travel again for work but feel if she wont open up I might mâke some drastic decisions. Any advice please?

    • Kai says:

      if she doesnt believe that you guys need help then I dont know why you are putting up with it, someone unwilling to get help for something as serious as an affair is someone you cant trust, if she is unwilling to find solutions to your marriage then you need to do whats best for you, have courage

      • Shad Dolla says:

        I keep seeing men saying they don’t know what to do. It’s not rocket science. She disrespected you and cucked you. What more do you need. Just leave or make her leave. Have some dignity man.
        There is no hope, especially if you take business trips

  192. Ken says:

    My wife has cheated on me twice since we have been married, she has left me and found another guy in here apt bldg thats nice…she says she is sorry but the trust issue is there for me….what the hell do I do?

  193. James says:

    She does not want to talk about it and wants to put in the past. She says she sorry never ment to hurt me and wants to stay with me.

    Now I have found out through other means that she most likely has had a physical affaire and is most likely still in touch with them. Everytime I want to speak to her she says she needs time to think and has a nervouse smille on her face. She is not showing any emotion or regret she does not seem to care and is asking when I am next leaving the country for work. I cant function, I am devasted and feel she’s about to cheat on me again. I explian that she needs to tell me everything as I want to forgive her and then we can move on but she wont even discuss it? She prefers too sleep in a seperate bed and prefers to message me than talk.

    I want to take her back because I love her so much but shes not letting me in. Shes still texting the guys that I am sure but I want it to come from her and not force her to stop as I want her to be happy. I dont want to start spying on her..

    Should I leave her for a while to think it over? What to do? We 2 young adorable kids?

    • Kai says:

      I think you know the answer but you are unwilling to make the move, an unwilling partner is not someone that you can build a future with and that can of toxic environment is not good for the children

  194. Kris says:

    Need help mate

  195. Antoine McElroy says:

    I think she cheated but she will not admit to it

  196. michael wehner says:

    I hope I am wrong

  197. michael wehner says:


  198. Andrea says:

    My Wife cheated, we have been together 5 yrs and our daughter is just now 1 yr old. When she was pregnant she didn’t want to have sex, I respected that, so for 9 months we had sex twice or 3 times. Afterwards she was traumatised due to c section surgery and also almost loosing out daughter, she went on depression so no sex, then her vagina would not stop bleeding, no sex, the Tyrolese hormone issues, no sex… Finally, after 8 months of our daughter born, we went back to normal. We had sex a few times and it was ackward. I moved jobs, worked like crazy and we lacked the intimacy, even though we both loved each other very much and had the bond of our daughter.
    Now she asked for a break, 1 month later she is sleeping with a guy, which at least she has been open and honest all along, stating she is not happy and he makes her happy. She says there is nothing to fix this relationship and she feels it’s done and over, she sees me as a brother not a lover. She loves me but not in love with me.
    I want to work on fixing but I emotional mess. She wants to keep seeing the guy, she has feelings for him.
    Everything tells me to leave her, but we have a daughter and I don’t want to rush decisions… What do I do? I keep sleeping I the couch while she goes out and gets fucked by some other dude?
    Please advise. What to do?

    • Kai says:

      You need to have the courage to make a decision about your relationship, why does she get to go out and continually have an affair while legally she is married to you, no offence but you sound scared to do what right for you and your child, if your wife is willing to work things through which right now it sounds like she is not then you will have to bring this to an end, nobody deserves to be treated that way.

  199. michael says:

    i dont know what to say just need some help..

  200. J says:

    Just learned that while I’ve been staying home after I retired full medical retirement from the military that my wife who’s been telling me she’s been going to work has been going to a motel room and screwing some random guy she met at a bar who’s 12 years older then her. FML!

  201. Andrea says:

    Since she doesn’t want to commit to work on us.. And she wants to keeping seeing this guy.. Then I am moving out… Let her face the real world withgout financial support from me. Let her see if this asshole is really as great as he claims he is.
    If she comes back it’s on my rules, and if she doesn’t…. Then I left be she was not sorry and she wanted to keep fucking this guy.
    My 1 year old is better going thru separation now, than in 5 years when she does it again

  202. Victim says:

    My girlfriend agreed after cheating to move with me to Florida. I thought this was the only way out relationship could work. I didn’t want to leave only because I truly love our son from her previous marriage who was already regarding me as his father. I could not leave him alone with her. She cheated while I was stuck at home with him. She apologized after I texted the asshole pretending to be her. He said, “I’m not worried about him. I’m like a caged animal.” Fucking douche. I had informed him that we were happily raising a child together during what was the best time of my life and our relationship so far. So I always wanted to move to Florida to e with family. BIG MISTAKE! After 3 years in Florida of her constantly accusing me of being into other women she skipped birth control and got pregnant. We now have a 3 year old boy in addition to the now 11y/o. After 6 months of pregnancy I thought everything was going to be ok. I was so excited to have a child as we’re all of our family members on both sides. Well at 5 months she decided to have an abortion. After the abortionist told her she needed to follow through with it since she was already there she got spooked thankfully and the she jetted out of there. I once again felt betrayed but agreed that my son is alive, this is something I will never bring up again out of respect for her deciding not to harm our unborn child. Now I am stuck back in a small town I never wanted to live in. She has baited and lured me in to everything she wants. She still refuses to go to counseling and I have told nobody but my boss at the time the infidelity happened because I went about a month calling in sick and literally several months not eating more than a piece of bread a week or a bowl of rice. I noticed I could sometimes get fruit down but for the most part I was bed-ridden and unable to function. Now I’m in a shothole of a town where there has only been three job opportunities in the past 6 mo.’s which I failed to get the job on each. There are no buildings to to network administration in this shithole except for the hospital or God forbid the police dept. the biggest mistake was moving with her. If I had not moved, I would not have been forced to stay in the relationship. Don’t let your cheating wife say she’ll do x or z if you stay with her. Is a trick!

  203. Ivar says:

    My wife of 10 years cheated on me. I found out about the affair last month. I cannot complete the healing process because I know she was not telling me the whole truth. I was just very curious about how the affair started. Trust is broken and I don’t know how to trust her again. I didn’t expect that my wife will cheat on me because she’s a naive-type of a woman. She said that they had sex on the same day they met. It killed me. I love her so much but I just can’t accept and understand the whole truth. She said that guy was very appreciative of her and sends her text messages everyday (Good morning. Have you eaten? Don’t forget to bring an umbrella. Where are you? Do you need help – those sweet messages I haven’t texted her for the past years). She said that she was just tempted to have sex with him because I haven’t had sex with her for the past year (Yes! For 1 whole year, haven’t had sex with my wife). She said that she thought I didn’t love her anymore. We live separately. I have a business to take care of and she’s the one who opens our branch offices and that was the time when she cheated on me. I asked her if she loves that person. She said no and that she loves me and she will do everything to win my love and trust back. She changed her phone numbers and deleted her FB account. After the nth time of her lying to me, twisting all the truths (about sex with that guy, money she spent, etc.), I decided to end our marriage. I also cheated on her and I have a son born out of me cheating on my wife. I told my wife that the girl I have an affair with will be my new wife. My wife just nodded, and told me that there’s nothing she can do. She went back to our house and I stayed here in our another house in another place (an hour-plane ride). Now, I told her to look for a an apartment and that I will shoulder all the school-related expenses of our 3 kids. Asked her if it’s alright with her and she said that she doesn’t know yet. I know that she doesn’t want to end our marriage and that she had regretted what she did. She told me that she didn’t contact that other guy anymore and she doesn’t care about him anymore but I still don’t believe her. What should I do? I love my wife and I’m extremely hurt of what she did to me. I told my wife that I will try to love the other girl. She just cried. I am extremely hurt about the entire truth that she told me. Please help me.

  204. Mark says:

    Going thru the process….

  205. Scott McNaughton says:

    I just found out my wife was with another guy but said she only kissed him. What do I do?

  206. Doug says:

    My story is that my wife and I separated two years as I moved out of the house. I bought a house and started dating again. As soon as my wife noticed that I was dating someone else, despite the fact that she was dating someone too, decide to call me last year in April and ask for me to come back and reconcile. So needless to say, me wanting to have my family back and still loved my wife went back and rented the house that I purchased. Fast-forward till last month (12 months) since I went back, I am moving out. My wife has asked me to move as she doesn’t feel committed and doesn’t not think I can make her happy. in the meantime I went thru her phone and she had her last boyfriend phone number hidden under an allies girl name.
    I am moving out and never looking back. We have know each other for over 20 years and have two kids together but obviously her priority is her ex boyfriend she has known for few months. Please let this be a lesson to every man out there not to ever trust a woman. They can be so sweet and loving one second and next second telling you she cant stand you. Every female suffers from a delusional bipolar disease which hits its peak at the age of 38 and last till 45. If she is not happy she will make sure to destroy your life. It is not their fault, they are wired that way.

  207. Kenneth says:

    My wife has had two affairs during our 13 yr marriage. Both times came during rough spots in our relationship. Both times I forgave her. I believe in my vow: for better or for worse. Now she wants to separate. She’s”not happy”; we’ve “grown apart”. She’s unable to elaborate and unwilling to try counseling. We have 2 daughters – a teen and a preteen. This is going to be horrible for them, financially devastating all on top of the emotional hell that I’m in. I love my wife and am in love with my wife – subtle yet important distinction. I’m willing to own up to my failures and make things right but I don’t even know her reason – just a vague bs answer

  208. Brian M says:

    Man the pain is so bad I can feel it. What’s even worse is the fact that I feel like I’m being punished for her mistakes and having my kids taken away from me.

  209. Doug DFR says:

    My story is that my wife and I had separated two years ago as I moved out of the house. I bought a house and started dating again. As soon as my wife noticed that I was dating someone else, despite the fact that she was dating someone too, decide to call me last year in April and ask for me to come back and reconcile. So needless to say, me wanting to have my family back and still loved my wife went back and rented the house that I had purchased. Fast-forward till last month (12 months) since I went back, I am moving out. My wife has asked me to move as she doesn’t feel committed and doesn’t not think I can make her happy. In the meantime I went thru her phone and she had her last boyfriend phone number hidden under an alias girl name.
    I am moving out and never looking back. We have known each other for over 20 years and have two kids together but obviously her priority is her ex-boyfriend she has known for few months. Please let this be a lesson to every man out there not to ever trust a woman. They can be so sweet and loving one second and next second telling you she can’t stand you. Every female suffers from a delusional bipolar disease which hits its peak at the age of 38 and last till 50. The way this is being manifested that she can declare her love for you this moment and next thing you know she is not talking to you and she wants a divorce. If she is not happy she will make sure to destroy your life. It is not their fault, they are wired that way. Every man trying to satisfy these types of woman is going to be exhausted as the female emotional state is a moving target. Please don’t blame yourself for her unhappiness. You know what they say “Happiness comes from within”.

    • gizoo says:

      I agree on the bi-polar thing. I see it at home and at work. Crazy women have bigger issues in their heads.

  210. 1212 says:

    my wife and I have been together since we were 15 we got married young at 18 after 4 of years married she has an affair with a co worker. she did not tell me about it until now 5 years 2 kids (which are six years apart )later. she told me this right after we got married in our church. I don’t know how to deal with it. I was her first and she was mine. When I look at her all I see and think about is her having sex with another man. I can’t believe it, always knew my wife to be so innocent. Love hurts

  211. Mo Johnson says:

    I can relate

  212. carlos says:

    So my wife cheated on me I found out after she try suicide and that night she sent some text to the guy.I didn’t find out till the morning when she was in the hospital at first didn’t say anything I didn’t want to make things worse do I had to keep it all in wile eating me inside the anger sadnes and all kinds of emotions I steel care for her a lot and have to kids whith her I feel like killing this guy but I can’t do anything that hurts my wife I can’t even hate her so now I’m taking care of her making sure she doesn’t do anything stupid again while watching her texting whith the guy I can’t handle it anymore I need help afraid I might do something stupid myself.

    • Kai says:

      Dont let her manipulate you because she is feeling guilty, the art of persuasion is a skill women have perfected and know how to control a man emotionally, please use your head and your heart when she is better then speak to her and sort your marriage out, I dont know why you are mad at the guy, its not like he forced himself on your wife, she willing spoke to him, flirted with him and then had sex with him, dont blame the person who took advantage of your marriage, deal with the person who said infront of the whole world and God that you will be the only man she will be with from that day on

  213. Jeff says:

    We have been married for 30 years last February. My wife first cheated on me about 10 years into the marriage. I was suspicious and just about to bring it up to her when she showed up at my work as I was getting ready to go home and told me about the affair and that she was pregnant. WOW. I didn’t want an abortion to happen and said we would raise the baby as out own. This was fine as long as the Ass hole could be a part of the kids life you know a God father or something. I said I didn’t think I could do that just keep it between us. Well a couple of days later I found out she had an abortion, her call I had no real say in the matter. Anyway we moved on and we did end up having a good life until 2013 when I had a heart attack. I think what I did wrong there was surviving the damn thing. After that I changed my eating and life style habits and this started driving her crazy.
    In the last 6 months or so all she wants to do is nag and fight. I don’t like to fight.
    About 2 months ago she said she didn’t love me anymore. Weird thing is she acts all nice and wants to cook things I want and like all the time and all the sudden I do something like hang up her skirt wrong and all hell breaks lose.
    We long story not so short, she went to hers sisters condo in Fl for a week came home on a Friday and Saturday said she had to go look at a job for a customer, she hates working on the weekend and if this were for real she would be bitching all night Friday and Saturday when she got back. Not so. She goth up Saturday all bright and cheery went to get her hair fixed and see her customer. I got suspicious . I checked her phone on line and found the only call on Saturday was an 800 number. I checked this out and it was hotel reservation line. Wow again. I then looked at her email and right there without even having to open the mail was the confirmation # I checked the number with the hotel and found the address went over and there was her car and the car of the “client ” I took photos of the cars and the hotel. When she got home I said your hair doesn’t look like the way it usually does after being at the Salon. She said she had to brush it out so the “Client” didn’t think all she does is go to the salon.
    Anyway. I played along for now. When do I confront her, or do I? She controls all the money in the house and I don’t want to get kicked out of the house until I can figure out were to go.
    Please Help. by the way the mirage is over just running on fumes right now.

    • Jose says:

      She can’t kick you out of the house if it was purchased during the marriage. It’s part of what is considered community property and it is as much hers as it is yours. In a divorce, the house would have to be sold and any leftover profits, split 50/50.

      Don’t allow the irrational fear of divorce that grips many men, stop you from leaving her and moving on with your life. Educate yourself about divorce, go to sites like and which have a ton of legal resource information as well as forums where men share their experiences with divorce such as what worked and what didn’t.

      I admire your convictions of “for better or worse” but you have been married to a woman who is the opposite of you and who will dump you like yesterday’s trash (it is just a matter of time). For this reason alone, you must prepare yourself legally to minimize as much as possible any fallout from a divorce.

      You will make it. Count on it.

      • Kai says:

        Preach Jose, the reason why many men lose battles of wits and minds with women is that we dont educate ourselves we feel aggression and power is enough but sometimes the mind is the greatest weapon

    • Anarchy2007 says:

      I read the above and realize just how lucky I am. I have an extremely beautiful wife, something to lines of Hedi Klumm but a little prettier. I’ve been with her for 20 years (since we where 16 – 20) and she is still as gorgeous as she was then. With a body that most 18 year old girls would kill for. We have two young boys, they are my everything. Last week I received an anonymous fax of flirtatious whatsapp messages that were pulled from some guy’s phone that works with my wife. I have no idea who sent them or how they got my details. Long story short they make some sexual suggestive jokes. After two days of mild arguing (didn’t want to upset the kids) I told my wife, she has one chance and one chance only to tell me the truth otherwise I’m divorcing her. She told me that they slept together one night 1.5 years back and it happened after a works party and they where both very drunk and that there is nothing going on anymore.

      I decided to give myself 2 weeks to calm down before I make a decision (best decision I have ever made). She and I spoke to the kids and told them we are working on a little problem and that everything is fine and that no one is mad at anyone. This has helped tremendously as I am able to ask her questions while remaining calm and objective.

      For my part, she does love me a lot, that I’m sure of. Maybe that is what’s making this easier for me to deal with. I have found that talking honestly helps, but obviously only if two people really love each other. I have asked her almost every detail including the guy’s size. Most men are insecure about this, turns out I needn’t be 🙂

      Anyhow, currently my wife is sucking up something unbelievable. Really good sex two to three times a day, which is great. Everything she does is to try and please me. The sucking up I don’t like so much as I am a rather independent man and prefer doing things myself and also don’t think it best to take advantage of the situation. or to degrade her because of what she’s done.

      My observation over the past 20 years has been:
      – Love is a see-saw. Two people can’t be at the top at the same time. As long as the one on top uses common sense everything will be fine.
      – Don’t ever try make your partner out to be a monster for what they did, chances are if she loves you she knows this and will only respect you more if you are a bit “sensitive” to her situation.
      – DO NOT MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF!!! Be sensitive but don’t beg. Most normal women hate weak men almost as much as they hate “Tough Guys”

    • DJ says:

      Give her the gift of your absence without being obvious and then prepare to leave, you don’t need her to admit it. Women want the man to do everything, that includes breaking up and confrontation, treat her like a bratty lil sister, no weakness and leave ASAP.

  214. Andrew says:

    Wife cheated on me and I need help

  215. joseph bodle says:

    heres my story , i been married 6 years and it was a good one till about a year ago when i noticed my wife getting more distant she changed her last name on face book and she said she didnt want to be married anymore
    i didnt know she had a profile that she had posted looking for men of color or anyone really she had this going on for awhile and once found out she stopped and deleted it but damage was done she saved screen shots of thngs she talked about this was about the time that she wsa caught talking to an ex one night stand turned best freind and that went on for a while and then stopped and she blatantly did it in front of me talked to him and everything it died down unless she was doing it out side the work this is about a total of a year she was doing all this but then there was times that she was actually trying to work on the relationship then in the end of march she started talking to one of our old neighbors who was 26 one time my wife ran up to him when we got into a bad arguement they talked all night what ever but i know nothing happend but then she started going out on friday nights and staying the night somewhere using excuses and this was march through middle of april and she grew distant further to the point we didnt talk at all now she kept going out and what not fridays into saturdays and we have 4 yearold kid one night she was out our kid was sick what ever it was was so important that she wouldnt answer the phone or text she came home and we got into an arguement and she said i love you but im not in love with you anymore
    then said she wanted to seperate and we went the whole next week and she said it wasnt about no one that she wanted her freedom that it wasnt about sex ect i found a nude photo she took and i asked her why or who she sent it too and she lied to my face and said she took it as a joke now this was coming from a woman who never did that kind of stuff unless with a man i know this becuase she did it to me ect well the day before i left i made sure she new i was going to go for counseling becuase things got bad real bad i sked her if we would talk again and she said yea like you and your ex do about your son
    the day after i left i broke into her email and i found complete nudes she sent to the dude the old neighbor mind you she is 36 and he being 26 my child was with my sister the whole time the day after i left she went and fucked the dude twice that day and once in the morning my sister had called her in the morning becuse she was supposed to pick up our daughter at 8 she was on the phone panting and she had told my sister while she was still drunk and she wanted to finish fucking and she would be rightt there and she didnt show up to 12.30 i didnt know about any of this for a whole week my wife had talked to me was concerned and asked how my day was going and counseling and stuff , i had called her one time and asked her why dont you get what u need or think you need to get done and she screamed at me why so you can get me for adultery … well later that weekend i had both my kids my daughter and my son and my sisters boyfreind and i were drinking and he told my sister tell him the truth sara and got really mad . my sister told me would u ever take your wife back if she slept with another man and i said no
    so with this we called her and she was in bed with the dude and i confronted her and she admitted it
    and the next day i asked her via email if she felt bad she said i do but then again i dont sorry thats the way i feel and she was still thinking that she was going to be with him but what she didnt realize is that he used her and he said the reason that he didnt want her is becuse she had too much going on and she would freak out if he didnt answer right away
    she tried to say that she knew it wouldnt pan out ect but yet when confronted with what he said she said fuck it , fuck him fuck men , a week later she was asked the same thing and she said i did it becuse i wanted too and fuck it it is what it is now i didnt talk to her for a whole month like i was humiliated and destroyed by what she did we both are at fault for the shit we did to eachother the physical and the verbal and we were livin on a farm in the middle of nowhere now i have called her a few times and she said i dont love you havent in a longtime , we arent fixing this and she doesnt want to talk to me about what she did , and her demeanor has changed and i got to the point where i said fuck this get a divorce now im not going to sit here and say that i didnt cuss her out and put her down for destroying the family and marriage by what she did 6 years gone and destroyed she has remorse and guilt yes but she says she keeps her self busy so she dont think about it is what she said we have a daughter together and she doesnt realize what she did to her either , heres her goal she is moving to a womans shelter to save money for a car and go home to her home town does anyone else see that she is going to fall hard one of these days and wake up and realize that she did all this shit and the grass wasnt greener

  216. gizoo says:

    Hold on! I dont think we are dumb. I think we are living within the rules we agreed to on the wedding day. I took the vows and I’m trying to live them. I’m a father to children, a provider, a protector, a leader but only to learn no one is following my leadership especially the wife. It was hard to learn that I was alone on many things. I just never saw it. I dont care how many years your together married, living or dating, any time a guy puts his trust in his girl to be there for him, support him, encourage him, be the apple of her eye, when that trust is broken, life is broken. The model is so fragile. I’ve seen it in others and now I’m living it every day.

    Men, we need to dig deep to get through these very, very difficult times. Time of deception, betrayal, lying, cheating, manipulation and more. I’ve learned time is a good healer for me. I also need to take care of me. To that end, I’ve stayed true to my children, my own personal faith in God, my job/ career, my friends and family, things I hold close to my heart.

    About the woman, I decided not to divorce her. I got divorce materials from the local legal eagles to prepare myself in case I was getting dumped on a bigger scale. Protecting my life savings was important. The good part for me was I can rebound, I can re-build my self worth, self image, self esteem, I’m good and I know it. I left the woman live in the house and carry on her world, I’m living my life too. I take this approach to protect my children, they dont need to be crushed to pieces due to a horrible decision by their parent. Time has been the best healer for me. I’ll continue in this mode for a while, until things either get worked out or she checks out and leaves. Either way, I’m ok with the results.

    • Kai says:

      I dont know who you are but I hope I get to meet you in real life just to shake your hand, you have been the most level headed man on here so far, not letting emotions stop you from functioning but laying the foundations for any outcome. God and time will help you but you sound like you have it figured out, you post has been so refreshing

  217. Jim Spencer says:

    Hey guys .I was married 22yr she began affairs online with many guys would get caught an give details.said she sorry then do again.hey I’m a guy so i know how u all feel.knowing she got another …. in your wife drives u crazy.anyway I divorced her 10 yes married 3 years ago to beautiful woman who loves me an kids I raised while crazy x was getting stuffed .so hang in their guys things can and will get better ,wish I could drink an talk with all of u .

    • Kai says:

      I think the post below should help:

      gizoo says:
      June 13, 2015 at 3:21 am

      Hold on! I dont think we are dumb. I think we are living within the rules we agreed to on the wedding day. I took the vows and I’m trying to live them. I’m a father to children, a provider, a protector, a leader but only to learn no one is following my leadership especially the wife. It was hard to learn that I was alone on many things. I just never saw it. I dont care how many years your together married, living or dating, any time a guy puts his trust in his girl to be there for him, support him, encourage him, be the apple of her eye, when that trust is broken, life is broken. The model is so fragile. I’ve seen it in others and now I’m living it every day.

      Men, we need to dig deep to get through these very, very difficult times. Time of deception, betrayal, lying, cheating, manipulation and more. I’ve learned time is a good healer for me. I also need to take care of me. To that end, I’ve stayed true to my children, my own personal faith in God, my job/ career, my friends and family, things I hold close to my heart.

      About the woman, I decided not to divorce her. I got divorce materials from the local legal eagles to prepare myself in case I was getting dumped on a bigger scale. Protecting my life savings was important. The good part for me was I can rebound, I can re-build my self worth, self image, self esteem, I’m good and I know it. I left the woman live in the house and carry on her world, I’m living my life too. I take this approach to protect my children, they dont need to be crushed to pieces due to a horrible decision by their parent. Time has been the best healer for me. I’ll continue in this mode for a while, until things either get worked out or she checks out and leaves. Either way, I’m ok with the results.

  218. Broken hearted in Jersey says:

    Hey man, I just watched your video and it made me feel a bit better. I found out today that my wife cheated on me and I am utterly heartbroken. I thought we had an amazing life, 3 year old twins, great jobs, healthy sex life. I was clearly wrong and am so embarrassed. I look forward to receiving the guide.

  219. Steve says:

    my wife cheated on me with 5 to 6 men over ten years and now she asking for a divorce and we have 8 years old child, i still love her and love my child, i don’t want her to leave, she’s being angry and we don’t live together now, am so sad and depressed.

  220. Anarchy2007 says:

    I read the above and realize just how lucky I am. I have an extremely beautiful wife, something to lines of Hedi Klumm but a little prettier. I’ve been with her for 20 years (since we where 16 – 20) and she is still as gorgeous as she was then. With a body that most 18 year old girls would kill for. We have two young boys, they are my everything. Last week I received an anonymous fax of flirtatious whatsapp messages that were pulled from some guy’s phone that works with my wife. I have no idea who sent them or how they got my details. Long story short they make some sexual suggestive jokes. After two days of mild arguing (didn’t want to upset the kids) I told my wife, she has one chance and one chance only to tell me the truth otherwise I’m divorcing her. She told me that they slept together one night 1.5 years back and it happened after a works party and they where both very drunk and that there is nothing going on anymore.

    I decided to give myself 2 weeks to calm down before I make a decision (best decision I have ever made). She and I spoke to the kids and told them we are working on a little problem and that everything is fine and that no one is mad at anyone. This has helped tremendously as I am able to ask her questions while remaining calm and objective.

    For my part, she does love me a lot, that I’m sure of. Maybe that is what’s making this easier for me to deal with. I have found that talking honestly helps, but obviously only if two people really love each other. I have asked her almost every detail including the guy’s size. Most men are insecure about this, turns out I needn’t be.

    Anyhow, currently my wife is sucking up something unbelievable. Really good sex two to three times a day, which is great. Everything she does is to try and please me. The sucking up I don’t like so much as I am a rather independent man and prefer doing things myself and also don’t think it best to take advantage of the situation. or to degrade her because of what she’s done.

    My observation over the past 20 years has been:
    – Love is a see-saw. Two people can’t be at the top at the same time. As long as the one on top uses common sense everything will be fine.
    – Don’t ever try make your partner out to be a monster for what they did, chances are if she loves you she knows this and will only respect you more if you are a bit “sensitive” to her situation.
    – Do not make a fool of yourself. Be sensitive but don’t beg. Don’t every beg anyone to love you or be with you.
    – Most normal women hate weak men almost as much as they hate “Tough Guys”

    • Steven says:

      My wife has been having a relationship with a man through instagram, sending dm to each other with nude pics and videos. It has progresses to daily texting and phone calls. I made the discovery through phone records and confronted her and she confirmed it. She said it wasn’t physical but why does it feel like she had something with this prick? I don’t know to be upset with her or is it my fault. I’m always wanting her, flirting with her and sending her text but yet she cheats on me, is it cheating? So now she left to her mothers and me and my 2 young boys have been without her for 6 days. My boy’s cry all the time and I’m hurting like I have never hurt before, it’s unbearable. I want her back, how do I get her back without making her run away…please help.

  221. MK says:

    Thanks for making this site

  222. LonelySoul says:

    I feel you Brothers. =(
    My wife has been cheating on me for the past 10 years. Shes been with different guys (seasonal) meaning on and off and whenever she can with other basterds. I dont want to reveal my identity nor do I want to draw attention rather pitty from posters.
    Pardon my writting I was never articulate but at least I can make my lil story understandable.

    The thing is, I really love my wife, but I have stopped questioning her about her infidelity, I probably got tired of all the cheating she made.I would normally ask her please tell me (Crying like a little pussy) all. I was stupid of asking her, maybe not the best idea, but I would do that and would still forgive her once she narrates everything everytime. My whole world would turn upside down everytime were having such conversation. One day I woke up and got tired of all her SH**. So I decided to not ask anymore. Looking back I feel so sorry and pathetic for always asking her and mind you, she was never sorry for what she has done, you can just imagine how belittling and insulting was that for me.
    Am now ready to move on though I still love her. I just want to regain my dignity and respect that was once lost. The problem is, how can I tell our children that I am leaving the house, I think for most part, this is the hardest. Im still hurting as am writting this.I know that time heals I just dont know when or how long will it take, I pray that one day I can see things clearly and in a different perspective, I want to LIVE again and be happy.

  223. dev says:

    I have been cheated by my wife. she cheated me with her colleague at work. and now she doesnt even want to meet me or any response. its complicated.

  224. Rene says:

    13 yrs married ….. She left me and our kids here and slept at his house….I believed her when she said they just friends…. Valentine’s Day comes which so happens to b my bday too…read her texts to him…. About not telling me and stuff…long story short….. I love her … She sill here….but I’m messed up… And she will never realize it…should I hook up to feel better?

    • Kai says:

      then you will be just like her, difficult to do the right thing, gather evidence, communicate and allow yourself to be manipulated or cajoled you have to be firm and take charge of your life, and come to an agreement about whats best and seek outside help through counselling if necessary

  225. opie says:

    My wife of 11 years has cheated on me 2 or 3 times. The first time she cheated was with a guy several times and they had a threesome, so thats why I say 2 or 3 times not sure how to count that one. I forgave her and moved on. Was doing really good I thought till some friends of mine let me know that she had cheated on me again. I tried time and time again to get her to confess with out me telling her that I knew. She swore on the bible that nothing happened. I then told her what I knew. She confessed finely. She had been talking to four guys during this time. I give this girl anything and everything she wants I take very good care of her. We have a four year old little boy. I don’t want him to grow up in a split household. But she lied to me about so much why should I believe her now. Said she did it for the affection. You have heard nothing but bad abtout her, but she can be a very good womanslot and care for her alot and always will. Between the Times she cheated was 3 years. Thanks for any and all the help

  226. Luis says:

    Hi my name is Louis
    My wife of 17 years came and told me one day that she loved me but she’s not in love with me
    Just recently Friday she told me that she had another man and that she was gonna spend a weekend with her new man.
    We have three kids together and that’s woman is the only one I Ever loved
    I really going to need help getting over this emotional distress that I’m in because I also see that hurt on my kids faces and that hurts even more
    So can you please help me cope with this

  227. Jeremy C says:

    My wife of almost 8yrs cheated on me with 2 different guys. One her crossfit instructor and the other a guy she said she was screwing before we were together. I’m so screwed up right now that there are no words to describe it. I’ve never cheated now this is the second wife to cheat on me. Problem is I still love her. I just don’t know if I will EVER be able to look at her the same again. She claims it was just sex but I think there is a emotional tie to the crossfit guy who BTW is also married and he had cheated on his wife multiple times. I’m a wreck and I just can’t focus on anything. I hate my life so much right now.

  228. Dawn Ho says:

    Please help me. I want to forgive her but I cringe each time I think of what she did.

  229. Gray says:

    I can’t say oh I was perfect and I can believe my
    Wife cheated on me. What I can say is I wasn’t
    Perfect but my wife should have tried to talk to
    Me but instead she started am affair with a guy
    That was suppose to be a frien of ours, them finally
    Ended after her slept with her.
    It has been 6 months and we are back together and
    I am trying very hard to start over as she suggested
    How ever she seems to be just existing as my wife. No
    Romance no loving just exsisting!
    I find my self on a roller coster daily! Latly I am overwhelmed
    By feelings of wanting revenge against the guy.
    His life was not effected by fucking my wife. He
    Lives with his longtime girlfriend that takes care
    Of him. Yes she was mad but never anything else
    He still has sex with her often, she still buys him
    Expensive things and they go out all the time. He took
    My fun sexual wife and gave me back a depressed
    Anti sex old lady house wife! I hate him

  230. jason says:

    something’s are priceless, I don’t know what to do or how to handle this. still very recent for me.

  231. Ronnie says:

    My wife of 13 years cheated on me. On May 20th of this year she told me she was unhappy and had rented a place. She was leaving. I didn’t see any of this coming. I had suspected something was going on with a maintenance man from her job. I didn’t have any facts. Just my gut. She didn’t move out until June 14th. On Father’s Day she and I were texting just after midnight until around 2am. She was telling me that it wasn’t me why she left and it was the dark place in her head. She was opening up finally about needing help. She told me at 2am she need to stop with the serious talk. At around 2:30am I became worried about her mental state of mind and decided I would go and check on her. Upon arriving I noticed his car in a vacant lot next to her house. I knocked and she opened the door. The little bitch he is jumped out a window and ran. She tried spin control and lies. By 6am I was knocking on his front door. By 6pm that night I was having drinks with his wife. We have confirmed that he was only at the house for 5 mins before I arrived and they didn’t have a chance to do anything. They never even got to fuck each other. So his wife and I now share a running joke between us. They both got fucked in the end just not the way they wanted to. I am a very proud 40 year old man with a good career and take very good care of myself. I have since found that I am still attractive to even younger women. I have ask out and gone on dates with 24 and 27 year old women since this happened. I don’t seek anymore answers about the affair. The fact she let him in our life is all the information I needed to make my decision. I don’t feel I’ve wasted 13 years. I feel like I have learned to be a loyal husband and love with all my heart. The next women I give myself to will really appreciate what my ex left behind. My ex works a low paying job and now struggles to even buy groceries. She is now having to learn to change 13 years worth of lifestyle where she could live off my six figure income. Like I said in the end she got fucked. Just not the way she wanted it. Karma is a dirty bitch.

  232. Ron says:

    I know my wife is cheating, but she is the bread winner in the family, we have a beautiful daughter and a step son who I love like my own. I wanna be with her, but not someone who is going to be unfaithful. If divorce happens, I’m pretty much screwed, all our savings are joint and I literally have no where else to go. Help

    • DJ says:

      stay with friends or family and get any job that you can enjoy. Any woman that makes more =>$$ & or has a higher education with judge or form an (-)opinion of her man (slave) no matter how good you are, she’s likely to be a model for narcism. Get away from her

  233. larry james says:

    was in jail for 9months my wife started dating other man she told me forcestration because she could not pay my house rent and take good care of our only baby now she is living with the man and i’m out but not working what will i do i love her so much and now she is the one paying and taking care of the family including me.

  234. Anne says:

    I am a wife who cheated. I am not proud, and am trying to decide whether 2 tell my husband. Yes i know that may seem obvious, but do I break his heart over a tryst? I don’t know.

    I have had feelings 4 a co-worker here and there for a few years, but it really was just innocent flirting (and yes, i do believe in innocent flirting) over the years until a few days ago when the texts became more suggestive. My intimate life with my husband has been practically non existent, and we just have not been close for awhile (no i am not blaming him..just explaining). My co-worker and i would often go out 4 lunch…just pop into Subway or whatnot…but this time he picked me up in his truck, not the work truck…second warning sign. Flirting and a casual touch on the leg led to sex that day, and 2 days later met for sex again. We agreed 2 “shut it down”, but the damage has definitely been done. He doesnt seem to be that affected,or plan on telling his wife. All seems so strange, we were friends and flirts and now he thinks we are just back to normal…not as easy for me.

    I know us cheating wives must seem like monsters, but not all of us cheat over and over, and most of us are wrought with guilt over hurting our husbands. My situation shows that things can flick from innocent to catastrophic in the blink of an eye. In hindsight, the minute I started deleting the texts was the minute it went 2 far. Never seems so easy in the midst of it.

    I don’t expect pity by any means, but thanks for letting me talk. I am still trying to decide what to do. Any advice from those who have been on the other side is appreciated.

    • DJ says:

      you are a typical cheater, you were that way before you met your husband, you cannot change, only become a better version of yourself, with only yourself to blame. No amount of man can romance, be affectionate or intimate when women close the doors of emotions they have from passive aggressive bottomless needs and opinion made of your spouse. You are not monogamous relationship material. You have no self confidence nor integrity, the best thing you can do is stop lying, tell the truth and leave out the details. Google Coach Corey Wayne, he coaches women too

  235. Kell says:

    am a wife who cheated. I am not proud, and am trying to decide whether 2 tell my husband. Yes i know that may seem obvious, but do I break his heart over a tryst? I don’t know.

    I have had feelings 4 a co-worker here and there for a few years, but it really was just innocent flirting (and yes, i do believe in innocent flirting) over the years until a few days ago when the texts became more suggestive. My intimate life with my husband has been practically non existent, and we just have not been close for awhile (no i am not blaming him..just explaining). My co-worker and i would often go out 4 lunch…just pop into Subway or whatnot…but this time he picked me up in his truck, not the work truck…second warning sign. Flirting and a casual touch on the leg led to sex that day, and 2 days later met for sex again. We agreed 2 “shut it down”, but the damage has definitely been done. He doesnt seem to be that affected,or plan on telling his wife. All seems so strange, we were friends and flirts and now he thinks we are just back to normal…not as easy for me.

    I know us cheating wives must seem like monsters, but not all of us cheat over and over, and most of us are wrought with guilt over hurting our husbands. My situation shows that things can flick from innocent to catastrophic in the blink of an eye. In hindsight, the minute I started deleting the texts was the minute it went 2 far. Never seems so easy in the midst of it.

    I don’t expect pity by any means, but thanks for letting me talk. I am still trying to decide what to do. Any advice from those who have been on the other side is appreciated.

    • phil says:

      Don’t tell him, if you know it will never happen again and that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then keep it to yourself. If there is no chance he will ever find out and you can hide and live with your guilt then my advice as a man who’s wife just owned up to a fling that happened 5 years ago and is all of those things, I would rather not have known. It has destroyed my trust in her, I am a strong type that has been reduced to panic attacks and the only person I need to tell me that its going to be fine, is the one who has caused them. PS you do have my pity, as I can see my wife is going through hell for what she did, it’s a fundamental betrayal. Why was your sex life non existent ? If that played a part in your cheating then have you resolved it, work on your marriage. From many of the stories here, your man sounds lucky. If you do tell him, let him know why you are telling him first, IE u love him.

    • power10 says:

      Don’t tell him that it happened. Instead, treat it as if it yet to happen. Tell him why you are feeling like cheating is something you need to do. What are you looking for in your marriage but not getting? Give him the chance to recognize that there are issues there, but that they are solveable. That you want to fix them so that you don’t feel like stepping out is the answer. You shouldn’t have done it in the first place, but you know that. Telling him that it has happened ….. that (to me) will always be just rubbing his nose in it for no real productive reason. The fact that you can’t live with it on your conscience …. that’s on you right now, not on him.

  236. James says:

    To whom it may concern,

    I have to admit that I do not even expect a response as it seems I have lost all hope and expectation of fellowship. If possible and you do decide to respond, please email me so i see it.

    I am not writing this during the time frame of most. My wife told me of her terrible decision almost 4 years ago. It was a time when we had worked through (seemingly) all of our issues. Pulled ourselves out of divorce court and even celebrated a milestone anniversary by getting re-married in the Church. One day it seemed as though the whole world crashed down on her. I see it as a complete awakening from the Holy Spirit as it was so sudden and in the midst of wonderful times for us, a great many victories for God and the Sanctity of marriage and vows. We had lost a child however, of course she was depressed but this was definitely more. At the advice from a close relative, my wife chose to “journal” her feelings and I figured that we needed to talk through the loss she couldn’t verbalize.

    BAM ! She read it to me and as she read I felt/saw a red sheet dropping over my eyes and thoughts. Infidelity of any kind IS a deal breaker and our definition of cheating was much more defined than most, even foolish to some but none the less it was the foundation of our relationship.

    So here I am almost 4 years later. I have put aside my knee jerk reactions and hasty decisions this long but yet she still refuses to tell me the ENTIRE story. I have warned, begged and threatened that if it did not come soon, I would have to remove myself from our family for my sake as I did not ask for this and I have given her plenty of time, more than most, to get it done and show she will fully address my needs and the needs called for to move forward. The daily/nightly turmoil I face is too much, she knows it and sees the affects. I am disabled, a veteran and have medical issues compounded by this. I told her 3 days ago that I could not wait any longer and she had to decide, still nothing but the usual…”I already told you..” and the countless other excuses I have faced, which compound the issue further for me. I am not trying to demonize my wife as she has faced many obstacles in her life but Adultery is Adultery and if something doesn’t change on her part, I leave….which means 6 kids and her don’t have me and I AM the spiritual/life guidance for all of them. With my own health issues and issues from serving, this is all simply too much and I feel that I am simply wasting my time waiting and should get on with it, so to speak.

    I am a God fearing man and I cannot think/say/do things that I know to be sinful simply to stay married. I feel that in order to ensure my own self-preservation, I should go and know God will guide the children and their mother down the right path.

    Any suggestions? How do you feel I should approach her (for the last time) and make it clear that it really is time to do her part or I will “be gone in the morning”.


  237. Travis says:

    Mt wife cheated on me and simply will not tell me the full truth. First they just talked on instagram and never met. I see on her Google maps history that she did indeed meet him. So I ask her if she had sex and she said yes. Then she takes it back saying they kissed and touched, no sex. She is changing her story and telling me half truths and I do want to move on but I feel that I need the full truth to do so. She either cannot or will not be fully honest… is my need for the truth justified and should I continue to seek the truth or try to move on with the questions?

  238. Andy says:

    My stories a little different to most. I saw my wife (then my girlfriend ) in the arms of another man many years ago and I knew in my heart that something had happened but she always denied it. Add to that I thought I was having my first daughter with the same women but we split and told me the child wasn’t going to be mine then she went to be with the guy who was the father… Fast forward some years and we got back together and the child’s father had died and I loved the little girl as my own and my now spouse as much as I always had, however… I started questioning many things from the past and I could always sense her guilt and it consumed me to the point I hit her. I’d never hit a women before in my life and now I found myself a wife beater! I was sentenced for my crime and I was apologetic but still the pain from the past that she wouldn’t be honest about continued to slowly consume me and before I knew it I would spend most of my days agonising over what she had done with who and when and to make matters worse she continued to lie almost daily about silly things (maybe because she was scared of me but I just saw guilt) anyway. A few months ago she finally admitted all my worst fears were true along with other things that’s suspected but wasn’t sure about… My insecurities got to a new low point and add to that I wasn’t in work and she was the main provider. I felt useless, like she could have an affair everyday and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it because I love her and have no where to go and have no money… All of this coming from a proud recently successful bodybuilder who people looked up to. I couldn’t stop agonising what she was doing every day and it consumed me because all I wanted was to be comforted by her but she isn’t a very comforting person. Last weekend we got drunk and yet again I was physical and said some awful threatening things.. It felt like the only time she would listen and seem to care was when she was scared of me. I feel awful and a total scum bag to be writing this as I am a loving gentle giant who can see what I have become due to being hurt so badly by someone I love so much… How do I let go and how do I control my anger? Any help would be gratefully received.

  239. malachi says:

    so Im station in Germany and jest was browsing on my wife’s face book and noticed she had be talking to a guy a lot he is in the states but the stuff they were talking about some pretty intense stuff that she doesn’t even say to me and we will be going back to the states soon and we have four kids and after i confronted her about all this she wont let me see what on her phone she has changed all the password s on everything and now want to leave me and our four kids to be with this guy im at a lost and don’t know what to do or if we should I should even try to save this marriage

  240. I think that the statements are wright, however I think people will never transform.

  241. Dale says:

    Hello my name is Dale,

    I also recently found out my wife of 12 years cheated on my with a man that she met online. We have 4 beautiful children and a pretty decent life I think. My situation started when we began the process of buying a house. It was such a long process and so very difficult for us to achieve. I began working a second job just so I knew we would have enough money. I was hardly ever home. My wife states that I wasn’t meeting her needs emotionally and that whenever I was home I really wasn’t there. She met this man through a social media site and claims it was an accident that they met. Anyways the affair began almost 2 years ago. I knew something was wrong with her so I asked her to go with me for a ride. When we got to our destination I parked the car and asked her what was wrong with her. She told me that she needed to me to listen and not freak out. She began to tell me she had met someone and that they had kissed. I asked her point blank if she had sex with him and she swore up and down that she didn’t. I told her that she had to cut off all communication from him and she agreed. About 3 weeks later we finally closed on our house. We moved in and for a while everything was good or so I thought. Fast forward to January of this year. I am at work around 1130pm on a Friday night. I get this unusual text from her that said “is everything ok”. We hadn’t sent each other a text for hours so immediately I became suspicious that the text was meant for someone else. I logged onto our cellphone providers website to find hours of phone calls and hundreds of text messages going back a month or so. I looked up the number and apparently this man has a local business because it popped right up. I was even able to find his name within seconds. So I texted her and asked her who this guy was….the wait for her response felt like hours but it was only minutes. She said he was a friend. I called bullshit immediately and left work to go home and confront her. She promptly told me that I still wasn’t meeting her needs and she felt she needed to find it elsewhere. She asked if I wanted her to leave….I decided I didn’t but things needed to change if we were going to stay together. Flash forward another 6 months and we were hanging out with some friends one of which my wife had been friends with for years. She kept saying her friend would take anything she told her to the grave. Now mind you I never truly believed that nothing more than a kiss happened. I always had my suspicions that way more happened. Finally a week later through text I was able to get her to admit that they had sex. First it was once and then after I asked if she was sure she admitted to twice. Even though I had my suspicions and thought I was prepared for her to admit to me that she had sex with him my heart broke. I began asking for details and she obliged but warned me that I didn’t need all of the details. I agreed because the mere image of my wife screwing another guy was bad enough I really didn’t need to see the actual picture. It’s been about 3 weeks since then and we have been working through our feelings and emotions. I can ask her just about anything and get an answer. I believe that we have become stronger as a unit and am hoping that the images that pop into my head will eventually stop. She has been very remorseful and has apologized vigorously for her actions. In my heart I have forgiven her but my head sometimes just won’t cooperate. I love my wife dearly and do not ever want to lose her. She has said on repeated occasions that she has never been happier than she is now. I guess my question is how do I remove those terrible images from my head so my heart can be happy with the new relationship that we are creating? I want nothing more than to forget and move forward but I am having trouble forgetting. I’ve went through a various range of emotions throughout this whole thing from anger to sadness. I’ve been able to process everything and for the most part accept it. I do however feel the need to find this guy and hurt him the way that the affair hurt me! I have so much anger towards him that I don’t know what I’d do to him if I ever saw him face to face. Happiness is my ultimate goal with my wife and my kids. I haven’t told anyone about this because I do t want anyone’s opinion of my wife to change. Mine hasn’t changed so why should anyone else’s. It would be different if she wasn’t remorseful and apologetic. I can see it in her eyes that the hurt she has caused me has hurt her as well. I am willing to trust her again I just need for those images and thoughts about them being together to leave my mind forever! Any help or suggestions on how to eliminate those things from my mind would be greatly appreciated!

  242. Viet says:

    My wife and I been together for 14 years she just drop a bimb in me saying she needs time and space but I found out she texting with another dude very far away.. We have two grls together and she told me she ll never take them away from me.. But she don’t wanna fix our marriage I’ve never cheat on her I work a lot and j know I don t give her the attention she needs but I ve showed her I ve changed but now she say that this guy she texting is now just more then friends.. I love her to death but I’m hurt,lost.. Idk what to do? Any ideas? Let her be for now n hope she ll find her way home? Leave the house? Divorce? Please shine some light for me please

  243. Ron says:

    One could never be prepare for this kind of news and i ve been marry with my wife for 8 years i could say she is my first love i never thought i would loved some one that much, i considered her my bestfriend and all i did was work and spend time with her at home with our daughter, i never would go out because i didnt need it everything i wanted was at home , obviusly we had our ups and down and we would talk it over and continue with our marriage, i think everything started when she started on snapchat doing videos of herself like girls do nothing nude or anything as far as i know, but as she got more attention from random guys she started to withdraw from us even our daughter would want her attention and she would just tell her to go play or watch tv, as time when on i knew things were changing but never thought she would cheat, she started to spend more time on her phone texting she would go to the cvs and take at least 1 hour, now that i see the phone records they would text each other when she was at work, so it all came down to last weekend she decided to made up a story of her job sending her to drop of a package far and they would pay for her hotel, i beleived her of course, but as the trip got closer everything seem more fishy, did her hair, did her nails, when shopping everything was plan, i stay home with our daughter and we truely miss her, but went she came back she prentended nothing happen started looking at me in a sorry her conscious could not let her go on since i would huge her she felt bad and finally confessed, i could not beleived it that it was happening to me, all i did was love her i made mistakes too but never cheater on her never i thought she would, i knew if we ever separeted was going to be tough for me but i was not ready for this kind of brake up, i do not know what to feel, i just want to run and star over somewhere else i need help i dont have anyone to talk to i dont want to involve my family, i dont have any friends, she feels bad for me but thats it she says she cares about me but stop loving me, she says it wasnt plan and ask me to ask her questions i want to know but at the same time i dont want to know the pictures that come to my mind and the thought that someone else was the last person she had sex with and it was not me is killing me, all the memories of our marriage are now block by me imagining her cheating, there is no way this wasnt plan she had time and she was the one that drove what do i do move on, fix this, leave make her leave, she shouldve prepare how could this be fix i would need time and i dont think ill be able to see her the same way or just the sex part i might not be able to please help me someone

  244. Bobby says:

    Hi guys, my wife of 12yrs is constantly cheating. Her excuse is a letter she typed up, saying she wants a separation. She signed it then made me sign it, yea I signed but because it isn’t legit. I thought it has to be a Lawyer that has to type it up then notorize
    It. She said she went to lawyer with it, & that I signed it. & it means it ok for her to date. She’s been going on dates with multiple partners. She’s like out of control. I know of 3 men so far. But one in patucular she already has slept with. I told her I forgive her, & that I’m not mad, & she said that she hasn’t been happy or loved me in a few years. The crazy thing is , I’m doing evrything right , but it don’t seem to be enough. I personally think she got bored & tired. Like chewing a piece of gum & it looses its flavor. & she yells & hits me. Mind you, we currently live together, same house, different rooms. I sleep in my sons room cause she dont allow me to be near her. She says I disgust her. & that I’m ugly etc. but I got ol look the same as I use to. I never cheated on her since we married. I think she’s a bit bipolar. She’s made my life miserable. She makes me babysit while she goes on dates. I need help legal ly & personally. Please help me guys. She said she’s taking everything from me. The House , the car, she’s even threaten me with not able to see my son unless I do what she asks. Help

  245. Bobby says:

    In addition guy, my 5 year old is sufferings the most. She sometimes won’t open the door, so I,sleep in my car, & my son crys cause he misses me. I wish we can get counseling to help us. I still love her , it her who don’t love me. She has another son a 15 yr old but he’s from another man. CAN ANY GIVE ANY ADVICE! On counseling, a lawyer, & all other issues.

  246. Tonde says:

    My wife cheated on me, two months down the line when we get married. And by the time we went for a pregnancy test only to realize she was 19 weeks old pregnant of which the weeks were far beyond when we started having sex together. I then asked her how come you are 19 weeks pregnant, because that literally meant the baby she was carrying was not mine. The worst happened to me that day when she confessed she had slept with the guy. She apologized to me and i asked her how, why she could have done that to me. All she say was im sorry and i dont know what got into me. Can you give me advice please.

  247. alleycat says:

    I was married 22 years and walked away from a good women later on met a 36 year old I fell for she seduced me but wasn’t but a couple years and I soon realized that she was like no one I had ever encountered . She was so convincing with her lies but i was on to her at this point my god you could catch her red handed and she would still deny it. Today I’m not sure if any good ones are left . Today’s women are losing all respect in the town where I live drugs have turned most of them into whores. Their are no lines anymore with the younger ladies . They don’t seem to have heart just care about themselves . So be careful out their if they tell you their great run like hell don’t look back and if they try manipulation best run faster . Good luck guys love is really self hypnosis we do it to ourselves protect your hearts from these evil bitches. Really all I need is pussy rest of that shit is a fairy tell .

  248. Vinod Arangaden says:

    Thank you all…..

  249. David says:

    I am very interested in your course, but I have a situation that is a little twisted I guess you could say.

    I haven’t found a smoking gun. I caught her having inappropriate conversations with numerous ex-boyfriends, very odd behavior, every possible sign that she had cheated on me, perhaps with more than one person, and in more than one way (physical & emotional affair). She swears up and down that there was never anything that happened. However, the only things that she has admitted are things that I have confronted her with (I have been a detective practically for the past year) and has never volunteered any sort of new information. It looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and smells like a duck. My life hasn’t been the same since, nor has our marriage. I’m a mess all the time, can’t trust a single thing she says. I’m trying to put it out of my mind but it’s still tearing me up. Please post some advice in relation to this type of thing, or let me know if your online course would be appropriate for my situation. Thanks in advance.

  250. Joebuzz says:

    Well all, I went through this in 1983 and 1989. I’m now 61 and the best thing I did was never get married again. I’ve had a lot of fun and adventures since. Time will not really heal the pain, but it will allow you do come to grips with the fact that you married a conniving bitch. I had one son during my first marriage and now I’m afraid he’s going to go through the same. I had the “gut” feeling over a year ago and 0n September 25th I caught her. Now I’m in the process of getting the evidence to show him. I really have no choice because he’s active duty and if they get to 10 years she’ll get 50% of his retirement. He may end up hating me for showing him the light but maybe someday he’ll forgive me. He’s very stubborn. I’ll be alienated from 2 grandchildren and one he, like a fool, adopted. I really think that was her final goal, getting him to adopt her kid from her first marriage. She started fucking around within 5 months of it being final.
    Anyway guy’s, learn to have fun again, go fishing or what ever. I got into scuba after wife number two and loved it. Met a lot of good people through a dive club at Sport Chalet in San Deigo. I had a blast. Now I’m off to Thailand to get massaged to death for the rest of my life. Good luck to all. Just remember….the life support system for a pussy is called a cunt and you don’t have to actually own them. They’re available for short time fun.

  251. Steve says:

    My wife cheated on me but I was on opiates and was lying at the time I had left once in 2013 to get sober and again I relapsed and went and finally got sober in 2015 those two times I was gone ended in fights about me not being honest blah blah blah I was still a great fiancé and husband but anyway my question is should that be a reason for her to use when caught in apparent relationships or at the least emotional instant message cheating? I know for sure she was with or at least sending naked lingerie pics to one guy the 2nd time I was gone. So is this a reason to fuck or want to duck someone else? Or should you be worried about your fiancé/ the first time and HISBAND the second? While he is going through a horrible situation that he obviously lied about because of its ferociously hard time he’s going through. I thin if your truly in love you know nothing else was lied about except his problem you wouldn’t be thinking of jumping in bed with someone if you truly loved your husband. Not in a months time if at all EVER

  252. Steve says:

    So my question is should your husbands drug problem be an excuse to fuck other dudes while your husband is fighting to get clean for your futures sake?

  253. Robert says:

    The best advise….First, catch her without her knowing. Following this go whine alone but don’t let her know you’re aware. Don’t change anything. Second, catch her using documented evidence via a private investigator. Third, using that evidence go to an attorney and file for a divorce with an order for her to leave your property. Fourth, have the restraining order and the divorce papers served to her at the same time with law enforcement present. Have a truck/van hired to move her and her junk to a motel or to her boyfriends house. Take photos of everything she gets. Give her a check for the balance in your bank accounts (the rest you took out in cash earlier the same day).

    Doing it this way you will keep your house, maybe your kids, maybe no alimony, definitely all your stuff. If you’re military and under 10 years with her you will not have to pay HALF of your retirement. If you’re over 10 years with her the military may or may not give her half.


  254. Simply says:

    I am simply amazed that men have such low self-esteem! I have been divorced for 7 years (3 kids). In short, I was married for 14 yrs. We even did marriage counseling. I left him. I left because I was not in love anymore and decided that he deserved to be loved by someone else other than myself. But, because I was not in love with him didn’t mean that I could not show him respect. He is not perfect but neither am I. I divorced him without ever cheating on him. I could not inflict that kind of pain on anyone. He now has a wonderful girlfriend and she is great with my kids. I am truly glad that he is happy….because he DESERVES it. I am happily on my own and no rush to jump into anything foolish.

    Now, when I read the stories above, it’s heart-breaking. Life is too short to be with a narcissistic person. Narcissistic people love to play the victim. It shouldn’t take 2 affairs to realize that she doesn’t love you. She loves herself…self-love equals narcissism.

    You deserve better. You can and will find someone better. Your spouse doesn’t define who you are as a man. You do!! Have respect for yourself by closing the door and moving on. Leave the narcissistic jealousy games behind. If she cheated once and sincerely regrets it, then give marriage counseling a shot. But, for those reoccurring affairs….be done with it!!

  255. Michael says:

    My wife andI have been together for 7 years. Im 23 years old, got married in 2012. We now have 2 kids. We both love very much. Out of nowhere after all we wnet through we moved to the city in Columbus ohio. 2 years went by and out of no where she says that she just doesnt feel the love that we used to have. Without trying to make it work. She just want to end it. Everyone thinks its odd. It was the hardes time of my entire life. Now its been 2 months. She randomly says that she wants to try to make it work. Im of course happy knowing theres a chance i get my life back. So i heard a guy at her place when she pocket diled me from her phone. Then she tells me that its just a friend and begins explaining that she did have sex with a coworker a couple of times. I was her first and she was my first. Who in gods name could she ruin all of what we had for another mans dick. She says that she regrets it but the last 2 days iv been there trying to get things back to the way they were has been miserable. She is completely different now. She just doesnt love me the way she used to. I have no one to talk to about any of this. And i start a new job in the city living with my kids and a cheating wife that doesnt love me the way she did when we said our vows.

  256. Jaymond says:

    I just found out my wife was having an (supposedly emotional only) affair for five weeks that had ended just the week before. I’m devastated. She thinks I’m better off not knowing who it was with. I have his number, so I can find out, but I’m tortured about whether to find out or just try and put it behind us.

  257. unintended says:

    My wife and i have beenmarried for 5 years. We are having trust issues with each other and we have given each other valid reasons to. My drinking and then i found conversations on her phone ( a month ago) where she was becoming emotional and sexually attracted to an old friend of hers. From what i know it started a month before we had a fAllin out about my drinking and continued until i found the conversations a month after.. We want to move past this (whay we call) bump in the road. Of courae she can tell if i slip and drink but i cant tell if she is hiding anything. Can you help us fully trust each other again? I have always trusted her hands down %100 but now i hover and smother and feel like shes trying to screw anything. I realize that even though i have corrected my faults doesnt mean she has or will. She says the right things, shes here for me but I cannot move on…

  258. Gavin says:

    1993 just before Christmas my wife cheated on me, I had no idea, between Christmas and new year we had a massive argument and she asked me to leave, at that point still had no idea…we have two children and at each weekend I’d pick them up spend some quality time….Aproximately in April 1994 . I have moved in with mate and had started going out… One night an unexpected visit from my wife…she wanted me back….I was so please and quickly move back…The bombshell came at that point…she sold as a silly mistake and only happen a couple times…The news rocked my world…I asked all the questions a detailed guy would ask…but things never rang true…she swore it was the true however I never believed her…I was down for months, but the pain dyed down and found myself not obsessing …however 6 months would go past we would be out and the drink would weaken my control…I lashed out calling her every name you can imagine…this would happen for next 21 years….every time I over drank I would lash out…in the 2001 I myself started an affair this last for about 5 years, however I was still lashing out at my wife….The wife found out about my affair and we split up… I move the girl friend and life was good so I thought …in crept the demons, I started text and talking to ex wife and she showed me shed of light that we maybe get back together…she had booked a holiday Spain and was going be away a week…she said sort the crap out be fore she back….we text each other whilst away…but Nagy doubts were there still for me…I text her to say when she was back we needed to put her infidelity to bed and stop me wondering.. She agreed….The second bombshell arrive at my door…not only had been seeing for three months when I moved back in she carried on seeing the coward…she had him in our bed and it was ended in Novenber 1994…I learnt this literally 3 months ago…I’m devastated , hurt, angry and really feel betrayed and lied too….the last 21 years have been a lye….the pain is just the same as if was yesterday…am struggling, been off work for 3 months, bought Kevin’s audio book which to be fair has helped…I just don’t know what todo…I love her but not going to be a door mat….any advice would help…..thanks Kevin

  259. B.J. says:

    Cant believe I’m posting here… Although y wife of 9 years denied it first, I had the proof I needed to text and then call her lover. I’m 37, she’s 33 and he’s 25. They work together. He doesn’t like confrontation apparently so it was easy to get info from him. How I caught them. She has an iPhone and we have several iPads. I’m sure people here have had that gut feeling. I was suspicious for some time to the point I would track her phone with the find my iPhone app. Never a problem, but sex started to dwindle and excuses came. So how did I do it? I logged into one of our iPads with her icloud info and viola!! Within days I was getting all her texts! You can send texts from an iPad with iMessage. sms texts can also be sent but you need to toggle send messages via her phone in settings. I did that while she showered. Worst part, he was upfront and she denied it. 5 blowjobs and 1 full on doggy style sex. She lied the entire year lie and fear lie, pretending to be there perfect wife. I never thought this would happen to me. I decided to stay. yes, Ive read some comments above; however, I didn’t have a dad growing up. We have 3 kids. 2 wonderful daughters 8 and 6 and a son now 2. She is beautiful and smart and could easily replace me and I would have some other guy in my shoes left to being a pt dad. I love my kids more than my own happiness. The only joy I gt from this, if u can call it that, is that he used her and rejected her. Because I do love her I feel bad. But… it could have been worse. She was a notch for him. She was everything to me.

  260. Craig says:

    In reading all these posts I’ve become inspired to navigate through all this torture and heartache my soon to be ex has put me through. Roughly 3 months ago one of my coworkers wife had kicked him out of his home. As a fellow veteran I felt obligated to help get him on his feet so he wasn’t homeless, big F@#$+-&%n mistake. As weeks went on this so called “brother” became very close to my wife. They began going places making up lies and I let it go because I felt my military “brother” would never do anything to break the “code” of trust and honor. SO WRONG!!!! About a week ago I was asked to leave my home so she could have time to clear her head so in the interest of my kids and wanting to avoid a fight I left for a few days. I saw my kids and talked to them daily. Upon returning to threats and a whole boatload of BS I discovered this “brother” and my wife moved all my shit out of the bedroom and bathroom; all his shit was moved in. wOW!!!! I’m still in my home occupied with me, kids, my “brother” (yeah right) and the tramp. I’m not leaving but this sucks. I feel for all of you that have been done wrong. After 20 years I never thought it would happen to me. I’m a great dad just guess a shitty partner. Time she got some meat I guess. I thought I was strong but I have to tell you or no I don’t cause y’all have been here or currently here, this sucks.. I’m going to be strong hell maybe even stronger for my kids that’s it. They will get what they deserve, karma is a bitch. Any feedback is welcome and appreciated greatly. Take care y’all.

  261. Christophef says:

    I just found out that my wife cheated on me yesterday today is February 8th 2016 she told me she showed me. She’s not well he has a mental illness and you know I love her still I don’t want us to break up this is our first marriage I can forgive her cuz she’s not in the right mind she’s not herself but its hard and it’s tough and I’m handling it well more than I’ve ever could. She is pregnant with my child and she’s from Brazil and I understand the whole foreign women and what they do. That’s not the case. That’s not her. One day she just started you can say going crazy for the best way to describe it. she loves me and I know she does in the center of her heart. she didn’t hold back. she couldn’t hold it back. She couldn’t lie to me. She said she was sorry she didn’t want to do it. She’s making the decision because she don’t realize she is. Im trying not to make excuses for her but I understand. It sucks and hurts. Im only 23 years old and I understand I’m not like some guys who has been threw it after years ,years, and years of being together and it happened. I’m sorry that’s happened to any of you. We all can agree we wouldn’t want our worse enemy to feel this way. I would like some guidiance please. I’m sad,hurt,mad, and confused.

    • 6foot3 says:

      Christophef, get her to see a psychiatrist. Turns out my wife had a messed up childhood, beat and abandoned by her dad, was abused by men all of her childhood. She has a deep seeded need to have attention from men. We got her on some drugs and it seemed to work for some of the high and lows in her life, but I recently found out that she has been been back at it with another guy. She too knows what she is doing is wrong and I know she loves me too. I am trying to get her back to the doctor and a talk therapist. I am not sure it will all work, but I have learned how mental illness is REAL and it effects a lot of women.

    • DatDCBoi says:

      My wife suffers from the same issues. The problem is she won’t admit that anything is wrong with her. She was in a mental ward and she blamed me for her being there, they told her to take medicine, she stopped because she said all it did was make her sleep, but yet and still, she made my life a living hell when she had her episodes.

      She’d wake me up every morning at 2-3am to talk for hours about somebody she doesn’t like, flamblast them and get mad if I didn’t agree then say I’m not the guy for her.

      All of that led to her cheating because she doesn’t admit her mental illness. At least your wife admits it and loves you.

      Mine does not love me at all. I’m just a meal ticket to her.

  262. 6foot3 says:

    So, my wife has been texting a guy 20-40 times per day. She has been staying after work to go to the gym and workout with this guy. She sneaks around to have lunch with this guy. I don’t think that it has gone to sex or not. When I confront her about it and that I do not appreciate her spending so much time with the guy, she tells me he is just a guy that she has a lot in common with. Sex or not, this is cheating to me. So much so that she spends time with him during what would normally be family time with our children. I told her that I cannot continue to support her by giving her a great life and allow her to sneak around with me. It is not responsible of me as a husband or a father. She decided that she would go stay with a friend as she thinks that the time apart will allow her to come back to me. The problem is she still texts and calls the guy for the last few days while she is staying with a friend. She states that this has nothing to do with me…she just feels out of place in the marriage. I treated this woman like a queen, was by her side while she went through cancer, take care of her family, etc. I am furious. I am trying to be level headed, but when I get alerts that she is texting and calling him it makes me want to go nuts. My problem is that while she is staying with her friend she is making no effort to get herself right like she said she needed to. Part of me wants to just let her go and not look back, but the other part of me loves her a lot. I devoted my life to her and our family and never once thought of other women during our marriage. That’s not the way I was raised. I made a commitment, but I guess she did not.

    • DatDCBoi says:

      Part of what you’re feeling is pain from the rejection, the other part is you feeling bad she doesn’t reciprocate the love you showed her. If she can’t give back to you what you’re giving her, roll bruh!

      That shouldn’t be a hasty decision because only you know what you can take, but it sounds like she doesn’t really care about your feelings…just hers.

      Women like this will look for yet another opportunity when it arises, make another excuse to carry on in that manner, and swear its not you. and they are right. It’s THEM with the problem.

      What you need to ask yourself is this: “Knowing what I know about her right now, would I marry her again if I knew this would happen?”

      Go from there. If she can’t drop a friend for her marriage, she’s not worthy.

  263. Dave says:

    Found out my wife has been cheating on me. Early morning, lunch, and after work rendezvous. He is a co-worker who she apparently loves. (she didn’t admit that last fact, but I found a lot of texts between them)
    There was also another guy who she was sexting and playing grab-ass with at the office. But, she doesn’t comsider that cheating. Her parents should have named her Bill Clinton. Infidelity is a dealbreaker with me. I told her to get the f*%k out.

    We have an 11 year old who i told delicately. He was devistated, but I helped him through it. It’s been only a week and he’s already starting to adjust.

    My wife is telling me she has a right to be in the house. I told her if she exercises that right, everyone will know the whore she is and it will take a bigger toll on everone involved. Especially my son, who I’m trying to shield.

    Here is my dilema. I’m a compassionate human being so I still care for her. The marriage is over. We are selling our house in 4 months. I’m ok with her staying in the spare room with a boatload of conditions. As long as she stays the f*$k out of my way. I told her we need to be friendly and cordial for our sons sake, but this also means I can’t start healing until 4 months from now. I’m a big boy. I can take it.

    My main concern is with my son. Having told him about the end of our marriage, going through the pain, and now starting to heal…..what would letting her stay do to him? Will he think there is still a chance for our family to stay the same way? What happens in 4 months when we sell the house? Does he relive the trauma of us seperating again?

    So my question is. Do I let her stay for the 4 months until we sell this house?

    • DatDCBoi says:

      That’s a rough one. When children are involved, it’s never easy. But I’m the same way….guy with a bleeding heart, will do anything for anyone and that gets us trapped at times in sticky situations.

      The question is how long do you deal with the emotion pain? Only you know your threshold. If you have her around, you ARE going to think about it. It’s only human. But the being nice side wants to make sure she knows you’re a nice guy so you don’t want to throw her out. Tough dilemma.

      I’m sorta facing the same decision. Tell her she has to go or keep her around until she’s on her feet. The problem is I’m paying for the car she uses for work. If I tell her to go, she won’t be able to support herself.

      So yeah, I feel you on this one.

  264. DUMMY says:

    I SCREWED UP!!!! I found out my wife of 22 years has been cheating on me for 3 years with two yes 2 diff. men at the same time. I freaked out, called a divorce lawyer and the rest is down hill. She wanted to talk and go to counselling. I refused. She then lawyered up and im now going through hell. My house is sold, my lawyer bill is at $20,000 and im struggling at work. I made the biggest mistake. I should have never confronted her, put my ducks in a row then unleashed hell.

  265. DatDCBoi says:

    I find out my wife was cheating, but I found it out in stages which is really bad. First, trust your gut. It’s always right when you’re in a marriage. And get to know your spouse VERY well. It helps in detecting when they are lying to you or not.

    The first time I thought she may have cheated on me was one night she stayed out till after 3 in the morning. I confronted her the next morning about what time she came in. She lied about the time and I told her that couldn’t be right because I was up at the time she mentioned she came in playing video games. Her excuse? “I don’t know what was going on. I was confused, it was so much going on!” Really? That was the first time I felt she was lying about “who” she was doing things with and what she was doing.

    The next time she stayed out all night it was on Valentine’s Day while I was home alone the entire day. I fell asleep and woke up around 4:30am to see she wasn’t home. I called her cellphone but it went straight to voicemail. I was livid! I kept my cool, thought, thought, and thought that maybe her phone had died or something…but knowing her, that wasn’t likely. I sent her a text saying we were going to have a very serious talk when she came in. She immediately called me! You can’t answer your phone but you can answer a text? She called the house phone and says:

    “I was over a “friend’s” house and I had too much to drink and I slept on the couch. I’m on my way now.”

    Again, she was playing me for stupid. The worst part? She gets in and says: “I know I smell funny, playing with my friends dog so I’m going to jump in the shower.” All this with a smirky smile on her face like she got away with something.

    Why was this statement weird? We hadn’t slept together for nearly 8 months with no sex at all. So why volunteer that info?

    More and more details are coming out about that night. I didn’t find out this “friend” was a guy until a month later. The way it came out was during a discussion, she swore she’s honest about everything. I challenged her and asked: “Then tell me who’s house you were over the night she stayed out till 6 in the morning?” That’s how I found out. She had a former sexual relationship with this guy, never told me about him, the guy has a girlfriend who just happened to be gone the night they slept together. And you really want me to believe you just went over there to spend time with an old friend? Get out of here with that mess!

    Anywho, after the Valentine’s Day she spent with this guy, they continued to talk solid for a month. I have records of calls and texts that prove this was more than a “friendship”…even photos and videos from that night she was silly enough to keep on her phone and her computer. We argued about it on and off for 3 weeks. I told her I wanted to separate to think things through.

    That statement lead to a really ugly 3 days where I had to stay away from her for hours at a time. She even confronted me in my room and tried to force me to talk to this guy as if I was going to believe his alibi. she kept shoving the phone in my face saying: “Here! Talk to him. talk to him! He’ll tell you nothing happened!”

    At that point, I was through. I left the house while she talked to this guy for 65 minutes. Wow…

    The sad thing is, after all of that, she recently told me she would never give up her friends. They will be her friends forever, men included.

    So be it. She just lost me. I will never give her another opportunity to cheat on me again. Some people just aren’t ready for the commitment of marriage nor the sacrifice it takes to make it work. You just have to leave them be and pursue your happiness because you simply can’t fix broke.

    I have made peace with the situation and her actually. I’m not even mad at this point. I’m just ready to end this thing (which I will) and move on because she doesn’t want to see the hurt she caused or that she was even wrong to going over his house as a married woman in the first place.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more episodes she’s been hiding or lying about.

  266. Joe says:

    My wife of 1 yr left one night to stay at her brothers. I did not talk to her for 24 hrs. When my sister in law came over to pick up my son my nephew came inside and told me he seen auntie sharing a blanket and sleeping in the living room on the couch with a family friend named steve. My nephew is 5. I moved to florida have been here 5 days and wife is begging for me to come back. She has not admitted to anything and adamently denies even sleeping that night… What to do????

  267. Brian says:

    Just found out last night that my wife was in a sexual bondage relationship with her professor at college. We have three boys. I’m so lost and distraught. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m all over the place emotionally. She confessed when I confronted her. I thought it was an emotional affair…. Man was I a damn sucker.

  268. Ronnie Vaughn says:

    My wife is a thug out scandalous woman she thinks it’s cool to be this way and hurt people heart she lazy don’t wanna work and hell I want out and of my marriage cause emotionally it’s fucking my mentality up I want to heart her like she hurts me

  269. husband of a slut says:

    I recently confirmed my wife had an affair with her boss at the time she was working , I had suspicions at the time but she swore there was no one but me.I now cant trust her on 2 counts 1 for the affair and 2 for the deception. She still not aware of the extent of what I learnt but she seems happy taking my money LOL. Fortunatley Karmas a bitch and she will pay

  270. Bryce says:

    I had some suspicions and finally confronted my wife. She cried hysterically for over an hour saying how sorry she was. I told her that I would stay with her if that is what she wanted. If she wanted out, fine. But I was willing to work it out. Did I do the right thing? Should I do anything else?

    • Betrayed husband says:

      You are doing the right(maybe) thing if you want to work it out. But the way you are doing it is absolutely wrong. Anybody here who want her wife back first should make sure that their wife has realized the mistake.

      From your words it seems like you are too easy on her for such a big mistake. She will repeat this mistake if you take lightly.

      Start living separately at least for few days and see if she miss you or not. If their is any love between you and her , she will come again and again to you crying. You will have to be strong at that time.

      • Betrayed husband says:

        Also keep an eye if she tries to meet her boyfriend during sepration or not. Better if you can record thier conversation at that time.

    • Kurt says:

      Well, atleast your wife apologized, mine just blamed me for all my shortcomings. Apparently, I don’t satisfy her in bed and I don’t flatter her enough. I told her to go be with the guy if that’s what she wants. She is still living in the house. Somehow the cheater gets the nice king size bed and I’m stuck on the lumpy guest bed…

  271. Ashamed Husband says:

    This is the worst thing I have ever gone through, men… What is wrong with these women? Whoever said it earlier in the thread was right. “If they did it twice and you are still there, get ready. It’s going to happen again. Get out guys! This whole thing has really taken a serious toll on me and I honestly feel that if I had acted quicker in the first place I wouldn’t be as bad off. I’m not waiting around for the next wave though.

    • Kevin Jackson says:

      Kevin Jackson here…

      It’s natural to second guess yourself and do Monday Morning Quarterbacking when we find out our wife cheated. “If only I had done THIS then THAT wouldn’t have happened.” Those thoughts will go away with time. For me it’s been 7 years now and I never think those thoughts anymore (thank god), although at the beginning they were ruling my brain.

      Good for you for looking at your past and deciding not to make the same mistake in the future – namely, not waiting around for “the second wave.” The point of our past is to learn from it. Sounds like you’re doing just that. Nice job. – KJ

  272. J says:

    So I have to share my financial plan with you. Firstly the breadwinner gets screwed out of legal fees and heavy alimony payments as many of you know. Make minimum payments, layaway etc. Go to the nearest casino twice a week and withdraw $2000 or as much as you can. Play a few games and cash out. Hide the money. Claim you have a gambling addiction. When you have accrued some solid cash go bankrupt. Now she screwed you so you can screw her. Make child support payments only, esp when you have custody,

    Gents I’d appreciate your thoughts on this

  273. LLG says:

    Hey guys,

    We were on a night out at a busy local bar. I walked away for a second to get a drink and realized I didn’t have enough cash. As I came back I saw my wife texting. As I came up on her I noticed it was just a phone number. I then asked who she was texting and she said ,”friends” name. She lied. I was enraged. Pretty hard for me to get to that enraged point but I was there. I would say she somewhat hesitantly gave me her phone and I went through her text thread. VERY unlike me. Regardless, she stated it was an old friend for high school and college days. He is into music and she contacted him about singing, She loves singing and hasn’t done that in awhile. I didn’t really see anything that stood out to me in the text thread. They were friendly, but ultimately I can’t think of anything as I write this that stood out and made the situation worse. We left and came home and had a talk. I found out she’s depressed. Her family moved away on the other side of the country. Her father passed away last year. This has all been tough on her. She stated she’s depressed and not happy. Not happy about everything in life. This includes me. She doesn’t know if it’s us or if it’s not us. I’m floored. Never was there any thought about anything like this. Everything seemed perfect. Sure marriage at times can get boring. You power through with the love you have for one another. I’ve been a mess. She gave me a text time frame and that has lived up to what she said. I checked our phone bill. There was enough messages sent and received a week later for me to question her again, Basically rehashing the whole thing and what seemed like trying to be normal for the week. I cannot get past the lie. The lie makes me think someone was up or was def going to up if I didn’t find this. Would she have told me? Would she just have hung out with him? She professes her innocence and how bad it looks. I put the texting together with the way she is feeling and her mindset and say to myself this makes sense in the very worst way possible. I want to believe her, but I feel betrayed. I feel like a spy digging and looking for more stuff. Almost to the point I want her to tell me something bad. Sick I know. What a situation….

  274. Doug says:

    My story starts on July 16, 2010 where my wife told me she wasn’t in love with me and she doesn’t see herself growing old me with me. After idling for 2 years, sleeping in separate beds, few counseling sessions and her constantly stating she wasn’t sure what is going to make her love me again, we decided to end it. In the meantime she had a relationship with an IT guy from her school, while I had emotional affair at the gym.
    My wife and I had separated two years ago as I moved out of the house. I bought a house and started dating again. As soon as my wife noticed that I was dating someone else, despite the fact that she was dating someone too, decide to call me last year in April and ask for me to come back and reconcile. So needless to say, me wanting to have my family back and still loved my wife went back and rented the house that I had purchased. Fast-forward till last month (12 months) since I went back, I am moving out. My wife has asked me to move out as she doesn’t feel committed and doesn’t think I can make her happy. In the meantime I went thru her phone and she had her last boyfriend phone number hidden under an alias girl name.
    She went back to her old boyfriend a month after I moved out and brought him around our kids again. Do I need to say more? But she wasn’t happy with that either. A month later we are back at it again, after she dumps her old boyfriend for 2nd time. This time attempt of reconciliation only lasts 2 months, before she doesn’t feel loved and desired again and ends the relationship for 3rd time. According to her she needs time to heal and spend time alone, but that is not what I discovered on her POF online dating profile where she is looking to excitement, fire, and fun while not seeking for a serious relationship.
    We have known each other for over 20 years and have two kids together, but obviously her priority is her ex-boyfriend she has known for a few months. Please let this be a lesson to every man out there not to ever trust a woman. They can be so sweet and loving one second and next second telling you she can’t stand you. Every female suffers from a delusional, bipolar disease which hits its peak at the age of 38 and last till 50. The way this is being manifested that she can declare her love for you this moment and next thing you know she is not talking to you and she wants a divorce. If she is not happy, she will make sure to destroy your life. It is not their fault, they are wired that way. Every man trying to satisfy these types of woman is going to be exhausted as the female emotional state is a moving target. Please don’t blame yourself for her unhappiness. You know what they say “Happiness comes from within”.

  275. Manny says:

    Married for 24 years, suspected my wife of having affair in 2007. Lots of phone calls when she was supposed to be on her way home from work. she said nothing happened that he had a “Bad Breakup” and she was being a friend. We moved past that and things were ok, then I started a Facebook page in 2011 and connected with several old friends. some male some female, texted with all but one female was having a bad time with her daughter and we texted more. One day my wife looks at the phone bill with text and call log, accused me of having an affair, I ABSOLUTELY did NOT! I explained the situation and she didn’t believe me. I reminded her of the “friend” she had consoled and it was to a deaf ear. We’ve been on shaky ground ever since. She is from out of state and travels home every few months to visit her family, in 2014 right after we had built a new home, she came home from a visit and informed me she wasn’t sure we would make it that she still believed I had an affair. Over a few months things got better. Earlier this year her computer failed and I tried to recover her data from the HDD. Was up late at night doing this. Once I finally was able to open I looked in her picture file and found a picture of a napkin on which she wrote to someone how he made her feel complete and hated leaving him behind and signed Love you. The pic was from a cellphone and date the weekend she was out of town. Our children are grown, but oldest has medical issues, as well as myself. I am better now but I haven’t said anything to her yet. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think of this. I know she would deny it. I’m not sure what step to take, I’m sure I’ve missed a detail or two but I have never cheated, any advise would be appreciated.

  276. Fernando says:

    Man.. as I scroll and scroll. .. so many guys like me here. It hurts. So bad. 11 years with lies and cheating. She was having an affair for 4 months. I knew about it. She didn’t stop. I stayed. I took her to counseling. She didn’t stop. I would lay there in our bed and try to go to sleep while the time she was texting him or talking to him. No respect. No love. She bragged about him to my face. I stayed. I loved her. She was my wife the mother of my children. But… after Christmas I had enough. And filed. She didn’t stop. On the day I wanted to leave. She had a breakdown. I guess she realized that this was for real and her loving taking a beating husband had had enough. She ended up beating on me and I had to call the cops. She went to jail. In there I guess… she realized what she had done . What she was doing to me. Our boys… our family. When she was released she wanted to work it out. But after all the. The months. The details . The bragging. The lies. And this was the second time she had done this… I want to leave. I read that our gut instinct is always right. I NEED to get away from her. We still sleep in the same bed . Room… and if I try to leave she won’t let me… but my boys.. oh my sons…. 11 and 8 . I love them so much. I don’t want to put them through any more (she told our oldest about the other guy)
    Right now. I’m not saying anything. I act like everything is ok. And my sons see that and it makes them happy… I don’t want to take that happiness from them. I love them so much. But I’m dying. I can’t move forward on forgiveness or anything. I love my sons…. should I just keep taking the hits? All I care about is them now… it’s hurts. I know they know the truth eventually. Or do I leave. And make her see that enough is enough. But I hurt my boys in the process. And they won’t understand just yet. That it was there moms fault. Not mine.. but the pain is still there for them. Idk… I just don’t know

    • Kurt says:

      I know what you mean. I have a 7 yo daughter with her. If it wasn’t for my little girl, I would have probably filed papers the day after I found out. But I can’t. My daughter is my entire life and it brings me to tears when I think of putting her through the process of a divorce. She loves us both and loves spending time with both of us. Its been multiple times my wife has cheated so even if I stay, I know its going to keep happening. I don’t think I can forgive her, I know I can’t forget, but I can’t stomach leaving. It is an awful feeling.

    • A. Walker says:

      You must live and speak the truth for your own peace and self-respect. Your boys know you are faking it. They see their father letting himself be abused. You are the only one who can change your circumstances. Get clear on what you want in life and go after it. Let you wife go after what she wants. Lies and falsehoods slowly kill you inside and then your boys grow up and model the same thing they see in your home. Be self compassionate and live the life you deserve.

  277. Mark says:

    Married for 16 years, daughter (12), along the way had to deal with some ‘unpleasant’ situations, like not being my wife 1st choice, to beguin with, then had to deal with her ‘love obsession for another guy’, when I married was a virgin (BIG, BIG mistake), what else…oh I loved her VERY much (another mistake).
    Things in marriage went more or less well during the first years (well I thought so), she was friends with this guy sister, but he never really payed my wife attention, and she did everything she could to catch him…, she didn’t miss oportunities to be in contact with him, and because he was an architect, she got to ask him to help with our house blueprints, and offcourse I wanted to be present. The guy noticing I was not happy with the situation, got to tease me a little more saying that he would visit our house one of those days, looking at me with a sarcastic smile… I almost punched his face right there. Complete jerk. Confronted my wife with that and she defended him with all her strengh, saying I was being jeaulous and he didn’t meant anything. I was patient, loved her, and yes I was VERY stupid also.
    Some years passed, got to find photos of tne guy hidden in books (she had a lot of them because they were on the same church group), written letters from her to him (which never got into the mail), etc. One day I was having lunch with my daughter (then 7 years old), and my wife tells me she is going out with the guy to drink a coffee and that she could be late. Well…that sh*t was too much, I exploded, right there in front of my child and I told her. OK! You can go! I won’t stop you, but keep in mind that I can play that game too! She went off! I came to know later by someone we knew in common that she was stalking the guy, SMS’s, calling his home, calling his sister to know where he was etc, etc. Well he refused her, sent her back and told her he want nothing to do with her. That stroked her down, completely.
    I never recovered from that moment, I started being someone different, I changed my attitude towards her, changed myself, transformed in another person, got to dress better, changed my appearance, started taking selfies of me, uploading them on dating sites, started getting out more, knowing other people, going to bars, you name it! I met this australian woman, and she rocked my world! I only knew my wife and was not good with ladies, but was ready to try my best shot, and found someone. She was supportive, caring , loving, everything I thought would never have in my life time. I didn’t hide from her I was married. She was separated. We just got the time of our lives! Situation at home changed completely, my wife understood what was going on. Now it was her that was after me, looking for my attention and love, saying she had forgot that jerk, and trying to give our marriage another chance. I thought, really?? Well not now! I can’t go back! I’m sorry! I was expecting her to take action and ask for divorce. She didn’t. I didn’t also. It went on! I continued my romance with this woman, we kept an online relationship seeing eachother when possible. I realised when I stoped putting my wife in the center of my world, was when she resumed interest in me. Ah and do you want to know what happned with that australian lady? Well I made the same mistake, I gaved her too much attention, shared my feelings, loved her truly and one day she said she would come to see me and if I did mind if she went see a guy in US that was a friend, she had rented an apartment to be with him. I said – You did what? Rented an apartment to be with a guy in Florida? If I do mind? Yeah I DO mind! Well we broke up! lol
    Conclusion: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER but NEVER give to much to a woman, because in the moment you do, she will take you for granted and will start looking around…
    That’s what I learned. I would very much like to be more positive about ladies. Unfortunately I can’t. I’m hoping someday, someone will come along and prove me wrong! However reading this site and all tye stories shared here… I think I’m not far from the truth.

  278. A says:

    I have been married for 8yrs. We have a beautiful 4yr old. For 3yrs I told him I wanted/needed more attention from him, more sex, more time with him. I even asked for counseling on help for us to communicate with each other. He told me to go out and find a girl friend. So I did. But I didn’t tell him (first mistake I know). I left him at home one night to met up with her, the first and only time I had sex with her. the next day I told him. He told me he wasn’t made about the sex only the fact that I didn’t tell him about her and where I was going. So I promised not to do anything like that ever again and he said he forgave me. I changed jobs and started going out and drinking with friends, something I enjoy and he HATES. one night I got way too drunk I couldn’t drive home. So a friend, a guy – convince me to go to his place and hang out till I sobered up a bit. Well I fucked up and ended up give the guy a blow job…mid way through I started sobering up and ran out crying. I didn’t say anything to my husband but I did to one of the girls that was out with me that night in text and my husband read that text. He claimed he was leaving but it has been 7months and he hasn’t left. We have been on a family trip, had sex, and he is sleeping in the same bed as me. I have started counseling and made every effort to ask and beg for forgiveness. I want to work on our marriage. I want to go to counseling but he doesn’t. Should I just let it be and not force anything on him.

  279. Ach says:

    I found my wife cheating two weeks ago. She has done this for six years every time she goes to home country and when I go abroad. She did not admit first and when i showed the evidence she did spit all. I’ve forgiven her and she is still with me and now she is offering me to share her with her ex. What can i do?

  280. Kurt says:

    Just found out two days ago after walking in on her telling some dude how she only lets him finger her. But actually, I knew this was going on well before this week. The trail of going to odd work events each week after hours and flatly refusing to have sex with me anymore. I had found her sending pics to some guy in Canada before, but I figured what the hell, he lives in Canada. Then I finally found proof one night about a month ago she was stupid enough to link her facebook profile on the computer and I clicked on the tab and was in her account. She was telling some ugly SOB earlier this year how she didn’t know why they stopped having sex. I wanted to confront her, but the shit is that we have a little girl together and I love my daughter with my entire heart and I don’t want her to grow up in a broken home.

    Right now I’m waffling between anger and depression. I really don’t have any friends I can talk to about all this and its tearing me up. I don’t know how I can forgive her or trust her, but I don’t want to divorce her because my daughter loves us both and loves spending time as a family. But right now I can’t talk to my wife, look at her, all I do is say a few words here and there and go to the guest bedroom to wait for the next day. She hasn’t even approached me to talk about it, if she talks to me its about usual stupid stuff and ignores the giant 10 ton elephant in the room. She hasn’t said she is sorry or that it is even over. I feel like I’ve heard enough, she never said if she was going to stop, but I know she won’t. She might be faithful for a bit, but once things go back to normal, she will do it again.

    I don’t really hate her for doing it to me but our family. Advice?

  281. Joe says:

    My wife has cheated on me at least twice over the past three years. The first time wasn’t only a simple affair, it was a real relationship my wife was a master at hiding behind my back, and it happened about a year after our son was born. It absolutely annihilated me on the inside. It got so bad that I nearly destroyed my liver (and lost my life) from purposely trying to OD on painkillers. After each hospital stay the doctor would prescribe me with more painkillers to treat the consequential residual pain from whatever operation the doctor had to do, which only led me to trying to OD on them again. Understand, I was thinking that my wife would soon have a new husband and my son would have a new primary father figure in his life. I thought I had lost everything.

    I gave up, and eventually I got a little bit of my mind back into control and I realized that my son having me in his life is so much more important than my own emotional distress. Things got better between my wife and I, and SHE suggested we have a new start…

    This may sound crazy, but we moved to China and became English teachers for kindergarten children. It was just my son, my wife, and me. This was our fresh start. And from what I thought, things were great. We were making it, we were living a good life, our combined salaries allowed us to have almost anything we wanted, and most importantly, our relationship as a family was seemingly great.. Until we noticed our son was developing a little differently and he was diagnosed with autism. It wasn’t long after that when my wife began her second affair, one that is lasting to this day. And I know who it’s with, another English teacher at that kindergarten. It’s kind of funny, just the fact that this is a Montessori kindergarten that’s supposed to be teaching children about virtues and the importance of family, loyalty, love, and respect, and they have at least two teachers working there that have completely destroyed a family. It just leaves me scratching my head on how people can be totally okay with being such hypocrites.

    Anyways, she wanted me out of the house and she became so persistent on trying to force me out that I finally did get my own place. I just couldn’t deal with her screaming at me being the first thing I hear every morning anymore.

    Now, here I am, alone in China. My job, being where it is, forces me to live 2 hours away from my wife and son, and I only see my son 3 to 4 days out of the week. I would do anything to see him, to hold him, and to play with him every day, and I make as many trips as i can to see my wife and son during the week, which requires me to deal with the consequences of having to wake up at 4 in the morning the next day so i can get to my job, but half of the time I am just so overly exhausted from my job and I just can’t physically make the trip.

    I don’t have the same feelings as I did the first time. I don’t feel like killing myself. But, God damn, I miss my family so much. I just want everything to be normal. I’m devastated on the inside, but I’m able to control it better this time.

    Any advise?

    • Kai says:

      I am not married but morality is MORALITY, I don’t know what marital laws are like in China especially for foreigners but you have 2 choices, gain custody of your child and get a divorce or stay the same way as it is now.

      It’s 2016 and men need to take a stack of their lives an understand the world we are living in. If someone is unwilling to change there is nothing you can do about it , you have to let your pride go and do what is best for you and your son.

      Your marriage was terrible but your relationship with your son need not be, do not let this woman come between you and your son or else you will continue ute tot the cycle rather than breaking it .

      Many women out there feel like they have the power over children because they gave birth to them somehow making us redundant but it takes 2 to make a child and men need to exercise their power as FATHERS to do what is right by their children, you can always be someone else’s husband but you will ALWAYS BE A FATHER once you bring a child into this world.

      Women have learnt to navigate this world by using their brains we need to learn to do the same, your child needs you more than you need the pity party, it sucks and I’m sure you are hurt beyond comprehension right now, all I will says is get out of funk sooner rather than later and take steps to ensure you are there for your son and inevitably divorced from your wife if you have the courage and fortitude to do so. I don’t always advise on splitting but when you have someone who chooses not to change then there is nothing you can do, no point torturing yourself with unhappiness.

    • Danny says:

      Kai is right bro… I am guessing you are not pleasing her sexually olr she is just tired of the same routine… Men need to never stop “dating” your lady because your married.. You have to mix things up …try new things … variety … she may want kinky or like role playing… other than that I say you need to keep your son in your life and pursue other women yourself.. But since you are in China ? I don’t know the female situation .. good luck… My wife split 7 months ago after cheating.. and I still in shock… but crying less .. but at age 60 I can’t see ever getting married again…. A part of me died 7 months ago..and I don’t think it’s ever coming back …

  282. Preston says:

    My Wife and I got married at the are of 18 and 17. Together, we left our homes and a dangerously abusive family life and moved to a new city 8 hours away. It’s been hell as we’ve worked though all of the “Emotional-Handicaps” we were given from our upbringing; But its a hell we walk though together.

    Recently she moved out to an apartment closer to her work (a mutual decision) and we started going to marriage counseling again. It was hard on both of us, taking a step away, But we both thought it would help us work out this compounding issues. We entered a time of “separation” to try and kick the bad habits once and for all; to take a final stand to say “We can do this!” or “I love you, but we must move on”

    Today I found out that, not one month after moving out, she has cheated on me with a friend in her new place. She claims it was fair because when She asked if I wanted to see other people, I said “if thats what you need, fine. But I will not”. I, for one, didn’t even think it once that this would happen. She typically has a fierce sense of loyalty.

    I asked her if she considered me, if as she was approaching “the act” if she thought “this will hurt Preston” And she said, “yes, but I felt like it was over between us”, But we had just been having strong break through in concealing.

    She seems to think that she has done no wrong, (I have always been the selfish one in the relationship, and I know that. Prone to hide when she needed me most.) She is heart broken and in tears, but seems think her act was justified.

    How the hell do deal with the fact that she is claiming miscommunication? This is SO far from her Character! She’s never had a wondering eye, nor have I; But now those eyes have seen another, when we both (all those years ago) were each others first.

  283. mike stutz says:

    thank you mike

  284. wildbill says:

    My wife is cheating and I am trying to catch her. She knows I am, and she is being very shifty. I need help, because the internet is full of time consuming crap that doesn’t work.

    • Danny says:

      wildbill ….Have you accused her of cheating? Y or N

      The best way is to hire a PI and have them do all the leg work bro.
      They can get recordings ..etc.. if you can’t afford one. Have a
      friend help you out by tailing her. This must be someone she does not really
      know. Or you can rent a car because she knows yours. I made the mistake of
      putting a recording device in her car. It was a digital tape recorder which was
      soon discovered by her as it scooted out from under her seat. She had the balls to show me the device when we met for a dinner date. Then believe it or not she stayed for drinks and dinner and fucked me that night. WTF? I said I thought there might be another guy… She flat out LIED.. but she was doing things different in bed ..the kisses were not the same … etc.. so I bought a smaller device about the size of a flash drive. She knew I was checking and I never was able to really get a positive “hit” I started checking her ATM and CC charges on the web as well as cell phone calls and texts .. bingo…but I spent a lot of time when a PI would have solved it in a few days. It’s also illegal to bug her car anyway. She ran away 7 months ago. I still do not know for sure who the dude is. And whomever it is has a group behind him that follows me around and makes sure they know where I am at all times. Must be a GPS on my car. But I have not found it. If I leave for few hours or more.. this group comes into my (our) home and searches for whatever. Oh yes .. its true. The dude even has my wife fuck other men on camera and puts it on the web… Its kind of depressing seeing your wife on porn.whatever screwing 2 or more black guys and having her mouth filled with goo. I must have the strangest case listed here. And this is after 36 yrs together. Can you believe that? I am pondering writing a book. For some reason I have the house and she makes the house payment ..but she did finally file for divorce 3 months ago.. but no court date yet? My wife went from the top of a pedestal to being a whore in 6 months time… I wish it was the usual 1 on 1 affair.. then I could grasp the situation. But its me against a fucking cult or something. I have changed the locks ..but they still get in somehow.. unless ghosts are doing it… and when I tell people what’s going down… I get looked at like I am a nutcase…. But its all true folks..

  285. MORGAN LUCY says:

    Do you want to get your ex back if yes contact him

  286. should i stay or should i go says:

    Hey all. Dealing with a broken life with infidelity. Don’t have time to get into it now. Just wanna know if people still support this blog. Thanks all.

  287. Nick says:

    So I have a very similar story but with a little twist. So I’m in the military and my wife and I have been married for almost two years and have no children and are living over in Germany where I am stationed. We will be here for a little over one more year. So my wife recently found out that her sister has cancer and she wanted to fly back to the the states to help out for about a month. So she went back to Indiana and helped out with her family and took care of all the kids and was constantly doing stuff around the house and going to medical appointments. She was extremely stress out over there. So a month later she finally came back home to me and we continued our normal life. We both went to work and would go out and have some fun and we even went on a trip to Poland.
    So the next day after our trip to Poland she sends me a text while I’m at work saying “we need to talk”. Which every person that’s ever. Even in a relationship knows that that’s never a good text. So when I get home we sit down and talk. She has a really hard time speaking at the moment because she’s so scared and she says that she cheated on me. She said she cheated on me with her neighbor in Indiana about half way through her trip. She says she was extremely drunk at the time and only did it once and she doesn’t have feelings for him. So I ask her what it is that she wants. What she wants me to do. She said that she wanted me to be able to forgive her and stay with her….but…I’m pregnant. And we both know for a fact that the child isn’t mine. Cause we haven’t had sex in about 2-3 months. So When that bomb dropped on me I had no idea what to do or who to talk to. Anyone I talked to had no advise because they’ve never been around anything like this before. I went and stayed at a friends house that night to think. So I’ve been thinking that I know that I love her with all my heart and I know she loves me. I understand that people make mistakes and that I don’t want her one mistake to destroy both of our lives and everything we have going for each other. So now I’m just trying to find the solution. I have been able to conclude that I love this woman and that I am willing to stay together and raise this baby with her. The only problem is that the other guy wants to be a part of the child’s life. My wife feels like she has to go back home to have the baby but I’m stuck in Germany for another year. So I don’t know what to do. It’s one thing to be able to forgive and stay with her and support her directly. But it’s another thing for us to try to do all of that from different continents for a year.

  288. Bongani says:

    Been together for 15 years and married for 10 years and she cheated on me with some guy for a month . Its been three months since I discovered the affair but I cant stop thinking about it. I have forgiven her, or so I think, and want to restore the marriage but the pain is unbearable. I go through emotions and feel sorry her. What is most devastating is the fact that she was busy texting sweet nothings to the guy on the day of our 10th anniversary. I’m afraid that our anniversaries going forward will be the constant remind of her affair.

    She claims there was no sex but I don’t believe her. Why would she google if it was “natural to feel nervous after sex for the first time with a new boyfriend”?. I discovered the affair after I receiving a call from a cab driver using one of her two phones. She had dropped the phone in the cab and the driver called the last number dialed. She was not supposed to be where the driver dropped her off as she was supposed to be with her family 400 kilometers away. She came back and I used a deleted data recovery software on her phone and got the whole story. It killed me but at least I know the truth. She was going to spend the night with the boyfriend, who happens to be her best friend’s ex. If it was not for luck and the cab driver she would be slept with the guy and that for me is as good as having slept with him.

    I love her and our three kids. They are my life. I life and breath for my family. I have forgiven her but cant forget this thing. How will it take to get my life back on track? I don’t trust her but want to make my marriage work. Please assist

    • Kevin says:

      We are kinda in the same boat. I’m a true believer that God see everything and will expose you. My wife left her phone and I have the code and saw it all. I said I forgave her after awhile but now 4 years later I’m still thinking about it. All I do for her and my family my thanks was her sleeping with a ex while I’m out of town working to provide for my family. After 4 years I can’t get this out my head and she don’t know it yet but I’m 95% sure I’m gonna file for divorce. I hate to see it come down to this but what she did I can see I’ll never get over it. Hopefully your situation is better or working on getting better. The kicker we were only married for a year, dated many years but only married for a year. I tried to give us a chance 4 yrs later but I just can’t do it, I’m 95% sure I’m gonna move out and file for divorce

  289. Lamb says:

    According to statistics, 70 percent of women are willing to cheat if it does not know spouse. The world has changed and loyalty remained in fairy tales?

  290. Ruel Militante says:

    Ones a cheater, always a cheater remember that. Accepting her again ones is acceptable, but accepting her twice is just pure dumb. Just let go and do you best to excel in everything you do. When she sees what you’ve become and starts talking to you again, let her talk…. to your hand.

  291. Robert Stone says:

    Good blog – Thanks

  292. Zach says:

    My wife for 3 years just admitted to me that she got drunk last night and slept with a man she went to college with. She and I have not been sexual for a while because I have not been in the mood. The really fucked up part is she just had a miscarriage with my child 2 weeks ago. I am so lost and depressed right now. A part tells me to leave but another part tells me stay. I love her very much but I don’t know if I can get past it. Is it possible that this could be one time ordeal or should I just cut the cord? Does marriage counseling worth looking into? The first thing I wanted to do was kick this guys teeth in, but how can I blame him. Hell, he didn’t know she was married. Is it possible for me to get past this betrayal? Any advice would be appreciated.

  293. Dan says:

    My wife asked for a divorce the same week as our 16th anniversary and Thanksgiving as well. She said there was no one else. One month later, I found text, indicating she had been fucking a guy for two and a half months. She still sees him everyday. I am trying to raise the money for a lawyer, in the meantime she thinks I don’t know. Knowing is killing me. But for my two girls, I will wait. If she divorces me on my terms, and not hers, I will come out better. Their infatuated with each other, statistics say they will fail. And my girls will be in the middle again, I hate her for this. But I will say, I can’t get out fast enough, no looking back. To my brothers out there, I am with you, I feel your pain. One day at a time.

  294. Michael says:

    I have been with this woman for 22 yrs, married for the last 19 yrs. My former career is one in which you must be willing to relocate every few years. Long story short, about ten years ago, I was facing having to move the family in order to keep my career moving forward. My wife basically told me that it was fine for me to leave in order to support the family. I pointed out I was not going to leave my family to simply send a paycheck home. She said that is what men do. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that real men stay with their families. I ended up giving up my career of 30 years because I thought that was best. The industry that I was in was a shrinking one anyway. I have tried but with the economy being what it has been I am not able to bring in a consistent income. I have a few gold periods but mostly bad. We have argued about it on and off for years but we have always arrived at the conclusion that she now has a well paying job and that it would be best for us to stay put for the kids. This has been very stressful for me to not be able to be the breadwinner and therefore the boss. I ended up taking the hit for not being in control by declaring bankruptcy, only me, not her. A short time later, about 3 years ago, I had a massive heart attack. She was understanding for a short while but then became increasingly antagonistic and just plain mean. She repeatedly told me that I was not a real man, that I never made her cum, and that she did not love me, and when our youngest was taken care of, she was going to rock all of our worlds. She would then apologize and say that she was just trying to piss me off. My mom had anger issues so I swallowed my pride and chalked it up to female irrationality. Two months ago, over thanksgiving, she was again just treating me like total shit. I checked her cell phone and subsequently discovered an almost two year affair. I was devistated. Despite of all the bullshit, I love her and never thought that she would do that to me. I was even willing to try to forgive her and to work on repairing our marriage. I thought that we were making progress but I discovered that she was still carrying on with him online. We had it out. She once again promised that she loved me, that she was after all still with me and not him. We had a good few weeks over the holidays and then I discovered that yet again, she was still exchanging love letters with him and that both of those fools were complaining to each other how I just don’t understand what true love is. Even after that, she sent him a no contact letter and told me that she is committed to me. As I write this we have just had another fight over her lashing out in anger. She told me that I am not man enough to go out and make more money so that she does not have to be so stressed. She told me that finally we are over that she is just fine with it. I am far from perfect and I have made plenty of mistakes in my treatment of her, and in our marriage. I have never cheated on her or lied to her. I am a broke, and broken man. I am left penniless and with the respect of no one, including our kids. BEWARE, and do not allow this happen to you!!!!

  295. Johnny says:

    My wife just cheated on me for the pasted 6months and going to hit our 1 yr married on march. She cheated on me with a coworker and I don’t know what to do.

  296. S C P says:

    Hi So I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 2 years I have been with her for7 years and married for two that means this was going on the hole time we where married. I am combat vet and have my issue but I busted my ass for 7 years so she can be a stay at home wife with our 2 kids I felt something in my gute and guess just looking out for the kids. But last week she told me about it yes I was mad and trying to look past it for the kids the next day i got a call saying there more then she told you I asked her about and she lied to my face so I left and rent a place because I hate her fin guts. Worst part about it was a bum that has noting gong for him I gave his kids a Christmas and I could bet the heck out of him but I am biger then that. Know she keeps saying she sorry and it was the worts msteack of her life bla bla bla I really just dont care and I hate her fucking ass but have to be nice for the kids sac.

  297. Kevin says:

    I got married in 2012 and my wife cheated the following year. Rather it was a one time thing or not I don’t know and it really don’t matter. I thought I could get over this, we went to church, we tried to work it out. I decided against my better will to stay. Now fast forward 4 years later I still think about it, not as much but even a little is to much. The questions I asked a million times but still seen to have regardless of how many times she answer. It’s a smack in the face to cheat in general and I felt a triple dose 1 year after marriage. My family adores her ( they don’t know) and we have kids. I’ll hate to break up my family but I’m really thinking hard about filing for divorce. I never thought she would betray me and I was dead wrong. I said I forgive her but if I do than why do I have these thoughts? I love her to death but I don’t think I can continue to stay married to her. If I can’t shake this in 4 years than I don’t think it’s no longer worth trying. I find myself going thru her phone, email, and iPad. I should not have to live like this. I want to just call it quits, I can no longer do this. Anyone with great advice please share before I break my family up and divorce my wife.

  298. Big mistake says:

    I read all these comments and 1 commonality shines brightly – the cheating wives mentioned are devoid of guilt.

    I feel much better knowing I’m not alone. Getting close to 3 decades together, a few children, then I find secret emails, flirty messages to former colleagues, stained underwear I took to time to decipher between vaginsl discharge and actual cum stains, sudden unexplained outbursts of rage towards me, giving “duty” sex and trying her best to not enjoy it all in vain to “throw me off,” late nights at work, unexplained data overage usage on our cell plan, excuses that make no sense. This list goes on and on. I’m surrounded with hundreds of spent shell casings but no smoking gun.

    But I’m a bad guy worth cheating on I guess. I manned up and stayed home to raise the kids while she ventures to the city for work during the week only to come home, complain about everything, and holler at my kids. Does not shower for me. Spends more time on her cell than with anyone in her household. Etc…

    My whining I guess is a knee-jerk reaction cause I found myself 5 free minutes to vent. The only thing I can say is, I keep my head up, focus on my kids and the future. I still have my looks and have plenty of opportunity to get even. I’ll tow the line for now cause no way in hell am I leaving my kids to a future with this loser she’s fucking cause that’s clearly a dude who likes fucking married pregnant women…and who only knows what other fetishes a loser like that harbors that could involve children. Nah. This bitch can keep thinking she’s fooling me while I bond with my children, solidify our future, and set up an excellent marriage-exit scenario down the line where my only concern will be controlling the joy I feel for breaking away.

    It’s all sacrifices guys. But your sacrifices don’t have to be all in vain – or painful. Remember, when they’re too busy playing their games, they’re too distracted to see what you’re up to. If they have no problem introducing you to a mental prison, then go right ahead and install a bay window for the view and sneak out every chance you get.

    Play their game right back at them and break away when the coast is clear. 😉

  299. David Potyok says:

    You are right this is the most hurt I’ve ever felt, I still can’t believe she did it, I had her on such a high pedestal, she was so good, so pure, if anyone could ever do this it would have been me but not her!!! My heart is breaking right now, why????
    I’m a good man, I provide well, I love my family, I don’t drink, smoke, and I do very little for myself, …..
    What also hurts is for the last several years she has avoided sex with me, but she willingly did it with someone else??? What the hell is going on????
    God please, please help me thru this!

  300. JMZ says:

    To all:

    The best advice I’ve heard after my wife cheated on me was the following: Just let her go! Say “good luck to you and your new partner” and then don’t look back. You deserve some dignity and respect and she does not care enough to give you that. There is no excuse for infidelity and it doesn’t matter if she has bipolar syndrome or whatever excuse she gives. She made the choice to be cruel and heartless and that is a deal breaker in my book. Get divorced! You will be okay! Your kids will be okay. It might hurt at first but you’ll thank yourself later.

  301. Roland Amodt says:

    Thanks for your site

  302. Brett Rusbatch says:

    Thanks, so good to read it’s not only me. Wife of 13 years, a 9 year old daughter, things have been a bit boring & stagnant for a few years, communication = 0, both of us dependent on drugs & alcohol for too long, not had sex in a while, then find out she had been cheating with her morning bus driver for 6-12 months (could never pin it down).

    Some of the cheating sounds imaginary, can never get a straight answer, he is married, was never going to leave his wife, he’s a douche. My wife has mental issues, terrible childhood, I could have done better. For the first few months I blamed myself & worked my arse off to save the marriage, massive waste of time, she wanted out but was too cowardly to admit it.

    Found out 6 months ago, separated for about 2 months now, been very tough, but things are getting better. I love her & want to be back with her, but I don’t trust her, I don’t respect her. I trusted her so much, not a million years would I have thought she would cheat on me, we both lived fairly independent lives, different interests & so on. Now that we are apart we get on well, the child & I moved out so we keep in touch for her.

    Advice, get therapy, let the emotions through, talk to people, I was quite surprised by how many other people have gone through this crap, I would just open up to anyone. Everyone says “things will get better”, & they do. I still have relapses of guilt, self loathing, self esteem issues etc… but every now & again my mind clears & I can see a way forward. I even went on a “date” which was ok, I wasn’t too interested in the woman but was ok, made me think I can do this again & have some fun.

    SO yeah, just hang in there, try not to let it jaundice your view on women, I think we all just got a bad batch or something. Good luck!

  303. steve says:

    I don’t know if people are still reading this site but I feel the need to share my advice…

    To the women who don’t know if they should tell their husbands about their affairs…

    – If it was a one-time thing and you are positive he has no idea, maybe you should not tell him but ONLY if you are 100% sure you won’t do it again and able to stick to it.

    – If you were a serial cheater, multiple times throughout the marriage and/or multiple partners, you should know it is very likely he knows about it, even if he’s in denial. It might have been 20 years ago but he is suffering and if he is still blocking the memories, it is only a matter of time before they hit him. It is beyond cruel for you to let him suffer these memories and not admit your responsibility. He may be over playing the victim card but if he could never put together good proof of your infidelity, it just might have been because you became so good at manipulating him.

    I think it is more common that the person being cheated on is actually aware of the affair on some level and will eventually put the pieces together. When those pieces come together in his/her head years after the affair, it can be even worse.

    The idea that you are protecting him from the pain of your indiscretion is mostly bs, the pain is either killing his inner mind or he’s living it every day.

    If you serially cheated on your spouse for years while your spouse was faithful to you, you really do owe him/her the truth, your denials and lies are a form of torture.

    I think my wife convinced herself I was clueless and had no idea when in reality, I always knew and was trying to bust her. At a certain point other life problems and changes caused me to block my memories of her affairs and almost forget what I knew she did. But these memories never went away and were affecting me every day for 20 years.

    If he ever accused you, you need to tell him, it is evil not to. Ask your self and answer honestly… Did he know I was cheating? Did he not come right out and accuse me because he didn’t feel he had enough physical evidence and was afraid to face the truth?

    People slip up given the right opportunities, sometimes an opportunity is just too hard for a mere human to turn down. But people who continue affairs are another breed and need to learn humility and how to ask for forgiveness. Not from God or whatever, from the person you supposedly love.

  304. Dave says:

    My wife of 8 years has had an emotional affair with an ex-lover from university. I found out by accident when I saw a text message string that was pretty graphic. I started monitoring her communications and figured out that she has ended it and is now fully committed to making our marriage work. I’ve not confronted her about the affair, and I don’t know if I should. We were in a very rough patch and she was miserable. We’ve recently made huge strides in our relationship. Should I confront her? Or should I just let it go as a mistake and keep working to make my marriage great again?

  305. Throw her in the sea and forget her if she cheated on you

  306. Michael says:

    So sad all this on here. I am another number my spoiled rotten wife got caught, went out with friends stayed out all night fucked a total stranger. It’s been a couple weeks I have questioned her and gotten most of the story straight after cutting through all the bill shit. I know this cannot be the first time however it is the first time she’s been caught. We have kids houses cars the whole works. I am lost looking for answers I don’t want my kids to suffer. The cards are always stacked against the husbands as it’s always our fault especially in family law.
    I am sorry for all of you I am sort of glad I am not alone. All of our friends are mutual so this seems to be the best spot right now.

  307. Shane LaBay says:

    Hey fellas,

    Yeah. It’s like being kicked in the nuts. My wife and I were married for 16 years. I was on multiple deployments to Iraq and although I came close never cheated. I was medically retired from the Military and became a stay at home dad to our daughter. My life quickly turned into caregiver for her and taking care of the house. Bear in mind with VA and SSA I always still brought home more money than her so I felt that I could continue while I finished with surgeries. Two and a half years ago she was dissatisfied with her job so we decided she could take a GS job in Afghanistan. I was Jonny on the spot all year. Setting up Skype calls for us. Sending by monthly packages. Calling all the time. I did everything to make sure she didn’t miss us too much. She gets home and we’re ecstatic. I told her what happens in a combat zone is forgivable so she can tell me if she slept with anyone while there. She Denies anything. But I know something is wrong. Man she really lost that loving feeling. She started doing things I couldn’t physically do like running. I was there. Helping doing what I could. But she also started texting with her “friend” from there. I was instantly suspicious. So I scooped out her phone and saw texts to this guy but nothing incriminating. So in the honor of open communication I confronted her about it and called it emotional cheating. She denies anything physical happened with him. He is happily married and he was just a friend. I said fine but I was uncomfortable that she could talk to him and not me. I should be your go to guy. She consents and chats with him less. We even take a family trip to visit her Afghanistan friends. Well. About 8 months ago she stops me in the living room and says she’s not in love with me anymore. I say I wasn’t surprised and that we should maybe go to counseling as I was feeling the same way. We go. It does nothing. She ends up taking a job in another state and me and my daughter mover and buy a house with my parents. We were headed for a completely amicable divorce and although I wasn’t happy with that I could accept it. I have always told her that the only problem that we couldn’t work out was infidelity. So as of this morning I had hoped we might work it out. Welp that over now. Absolutely irrevocably never going to happen. You see I bought a new iPad because I’m starting up school, and all text messages immediately go from all the numbers on the account. So I was getting text messages that were being sent to her. I looked at them feeling a little sneaky but curious and saw a d*^k pic that was sent to her. Ok. We’re seperated and have said we weren’t gonna make it work so whatever. But as I read the messages. It was from some Jody in Afghanistan ( not the same one she was texting with back when) sexting with her. He goes on to say how much he loved when she gave him oral and swallowed. I thought I was already starting to move on but seeing that she cheated on me has all brought it back up. now it feels like my heart is in a blender. I called her immediately and confronted her and told her I would be starting divorce proceedings right away. I’m sure that this is the right course but damn man it stings. I defended her to people for the past couple of years and feel like such a schmuck. We were still best friends up till this morning. Now I can’t seem to even find a shred of goodness in her. I know this is normal and with time will get better and not to give up on love. But damn. I’m 42 now and my options have slimmed down for a future with someone else and I honestly can’t see putting that much trust in someone else. Imma try to keep an open mind. But for her my wallet is closed. She moved to the same town where we met and is living in a dumpy apartment having to work two jobs and donate plasma just to make ends meet. As much as I’m hurt now I honestly feel bad for her. Her exploring her sexuality (yes she confessed that last weekend she had sex with a woman) is costing her her future. Her time with her child and a “Best Friend”. I hope it’s worth it but I’m picking up my own pieces and could hardly give a damn about hers.

  308. Joel says:

    I spent 17 years with my highschool sweetheart. 2 beautiful daughters together. I literally worked my whole adult life to make her happy. 2 years into our marriage, (2 days before Christmas) she had an affair with a douche bag co-worker in a hotel room while I worked a nightshift. She dropped our then 4 and 9 year old daughters off at her parents place and told me she was going to a “candle party” at her friends house. A candle party? or a Days Inn hotel to cheat on her family! I found out by 6a.m text message the next morning while she was in the shower. The pain and sorrow I felt was overwhelming, I was irrate and helpless, mad enough to punch a hole in the wall and a second later broken enough to cry like a baby. She stole my manhood, my identity, and my pride in being an alpha male, king of my castle type. She was my best friend, without a doubt. I would have taken a bullet, stepped infront of a high speed train and given her any organ she needed if it were life or death. I loved her more then I loved myself and to be blindsided at that point in life and our relationship/ marriage was absolutely the most terrible experience i’ve ever been through. The bad news for me was it only got worse from there, my anger flared often for the next 5 years. The dynamic of our friendship changed, which of course changed the dynamic of our marriage. I was there for the kids, I said I loved her but in my core I slowly grew to hate her guts. Sex was never the same, everytime i’d sleep with her i’d vision this other pud on top of her and pleasing her became second to just getting off myself. The little things I once cherished about her; the cute smile, the little stretch marks, the saggy little boobs, even the smell of her turned to bitchy grin, gross saggy tummy, tennis balls in a work sock boobs and the smell was just dirty vag. (sorry to be abit out there). With all that we continued on, she swore she would never cheat again cried regularly because she felt so sorry…. Until 2 years ago, shortly after she started seeing a trainer at the gym I find her cell phone loaded with sext history with As soon as she got busted again, she turned from a princess who made a mistake to a full out living breathing piece of human shit. Tried to turn it all on me claiming I was verbally abusive and that she couldn’t stand to be with me anymore. Left me high and dry and plays the victim card with her family and new found friends. Now here is where you would think rock bottom is, but it wasnt. I fell deep into depression, loneliness and suffered from severe anxiety. I had to sell our newly built home and move home with my parents at 33 yrs of age so that I could rebuild and continue to be able to provide for my wonderful daughters. It’s been a tough road, i’ve spent alot of nights soaking a pillow or behind a closed door shedding tears. I don’t have much pride left anymore but i’m desperately holding on to whatever crumbs I have left, I’m a man and men don’t cry. right? wrong! Here is my advice to anyone going through a situation like mine or otherwise. First off, if she cheats go get help (counselling), remain calm! hold your head high and don’t lose your pride atleast not until you figure the situation out. The words you speak now will not be forgotten and they may seem like your only option to express the pain she has caused you but those words will come back to haunt you! This is the exact moment we have to stand tall, keep our composure and act like the men we are.
    Don’t threaten, don’t hit, don’t grab. Just keep cool, cry behind closed doors, take a drive out in the country or into a back alley and scream until your voicebox hurts. Once you get past that flared emotion and angry stage, you will be a little more level headed. From there is where the rebuild starts, it has taken me 2 years now. I still have moments where I break down even though i’m in a new relationship and my new g/f is the most wonderful human being on this planet. I’m still rebuilding, i’m still healing and learning to trust again. Let me just say this in closing, if you’re reading this and going through a situation. I’m very sorry man, its shitty but with time everything heals you’ll make it through just like I did. I promise. I wish you all the best of luck stay strong and keep on keeping on.

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